Is he still cheating?

I’m sorry you’re in this terrible situation :( The reason you feel so attracted to him is likely because you’re looking for something to take away all the anxiety and pain he’s causing you, and since he’s treated you so horribly emotionally, then the most powerful feeling of reconnecting and relieving your anxiety you can probably access is through sex. If you reconnect passionately then maybe things can go back to being okay and you’ll briefly feel better and like you can work it out. It’s fear of change and disconnection and your mind is subconsciously scrambling around behind the scenes to try to find a way to feel better, one that might seem less painful than leaving. But it’s kind of a trick you’re playing on yourself to figure out how to tolerate behavior that should not be tolerated.

Problem is, he’s a jerk who isn’t going to change. What kind of man cheats on his pregnant partner (and then basically blames her!)??? He doesn’t respect you. You have a baby and need to figure out what is best for you and your child. That may be complicated depending on your financial and support situation, but in general, it’s not good for a kid to see one parent cheating on the other, taking that parent for granted, and the person who is being cheated on being hurt and stressed all the time. Kids absorb what’s going on around them, since that’s how they learn what their own relationships should be like.

Whether or not your boyfriend is cheating on you right this minute or not doesn’t really matter. You can’t keep an entire relationship afloat yourself. It takes both people, and he’s shown you he’s not interested. There’s no reason for you to trust him because he’s not giving you any reason to. He’s done the opposite by showing you he’s not interested in changing and would rather blame you and avoid his own role in this. It sounds kind of like you know what’s going on in your gut (that he’s failing you and mistreating you), but you’re wondering if your attraction response to him means you should stay and keep trying to fix it. The answer based on that feeling is no. It’s scary to disconnect from a partner, especially when you’ll need to figure out co-parenting, but you deserve so much better. Someone who respects you, at the barest minimum, and he doesn’t. Hang in there, and don’t sell yourself short.

Doesn’t matter whether he is cheating or not. He sounds like a total douch*

Thank you for your responses. Deep down I know you are all correct. What’s hard for me is my son. I stopped thinking about myself when I had him. I’m trying to make it work with his dad because I want him to have both his parents together. But I know sometimes that doesn’t work out. We haven’t even spend one Christmas as a family and he’s not even a year old. I feel so sad for him.

Right now I’m feeling emotionally disconnected with my boyfriend. Maybe that will help me to move on. What’s also difficult is that, when he came home he was all happy. Talking to me like we’re fine. I’ve come to realize the pattern that he picks fights with me during the weekends so that he can storm out of the house or I would be too upset to bother myself with him and he likes that because I wouldn’t be asking him where he’s at.

Im going to be slowly withdrawing. I know I deserve better. I know the things I would do for him, he would never do for me. He wants me to go on like nothing happened while he does nothing to show any remorse for cheating. If it weren’t for our son I wouldn’t have stayed.

I will look at his actions in the coming days and he will lose me for real as this is his last chance. I won’t say another word. I wont ask for affection. I will let this love die.

You’ve received such great advice here. I just want to add something you brought up in your last comment- your son will be fine. I raised my son a single parent and he’s turned out to be a very well-adjusted, happy young man. My bf divorced when his son was very young (not much older than your son), we’ve been together for about 4 years, and his son is a delightful, happy little boy who adores both his parents (even though they’re not together), and adores me too.

In both me and my bf’s cases, our kids would have suffered if we had stayed in our marriages. Maddie is absolutely right that kids pick up on tension and stress between their parents. It’s better for a child to have their parents separated and happy (and even in other relationships), than to see their parents together but are unhappy, stressed, arguing, cheating, etc.

And I don’t mean to sound harsh, but it’ll be better for your son in the long run if you get out now. Neither my son nor my bf’s son have any memory of their parents together as a couple– that’s how young they were when we each respectively divorced. It was a blessing in a way, honestly. They weren’t old enough to have the memory of their parents’ splitting, or have to struggle with all the pain that goes with it. It will be much worse for your son to stay with this guy for years and then divorce when your son is older and can understand that his parents are splitting up, and remember.

I’m sorry this is happening! I don’t know how old you are, but I suspect you’re pretty young. You have many years ahead of you to live a happy life as an example to your son. And I’m sure you will eventually find a man who will be a healthy, respectful partner for you– that’s what you want your son to see. Not a man who cheats on you.