Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Is he trying to push my buttons? Opinions please.
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Kasey.
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Hayley
I’ll try to explain this as briefly/clearly as possible people.
1. A guy I’m involved with has recently gone on a one month backpacking trip abroad. He’s been contacting me pretty much everyday, depending on how busy he’s been with the tour.
2. I think it’s very clear he likes me a lot. Almost always initiates conversations.
3.However, other other day he said this while we were messaging each other. I found the the way he phrased it very odd, and it annoyed me to be honest.
Him: ‘Oh my f***ing god, I am such good friends with this girl (NAME) who I’ve been talking to on Facebook before the tour.
Him: ‘It’s insane’.
Him: ‘It was so scary this morning, because there are 20 people on our tour but 15 to a coach. That meant the coaches are split up, so we were both literally terrified that we’d be on different tours.
Me: Ah right she’s sort of your tour buddy?
Him: ‘Yeah like pretty much inseparable’.
He then went on to say he gets on with everyone so well, enjoying the tour lots etc.
I can’t tell whether it’s just me getting unnecessarily jealous, or if what he said was a bit mean?The thing is, he initiated that conversation and that’s pretty much the first thing he said other than hey.
The conversation before that he didn’t reply to, and I noticed the last thing that I said in that conversation was that 4 separate guys had asked for my number in a day (which was not an attempt to make him jealous).
I’ve talked to a male friend, and he said he reckons that sparked it off and he’s trying to make me jealous.
Opinions? I’m getting really wound up over this and would really appreciate some advice. I’m 24, so I’m aware of how petty it all sounds but it’s making me really unhappy at the moment as I do like this guy.
Teresa
INteresting. Is this the sort of conversations you have had before? I find that text to be extreamly odd. But then I read about the guys asking for you number thing and I came to the conclusion that yes, it does seem as though he is trying to push your buttons. Men are funny creatures, you probably bruised his ego a little.
Hayley
That’s what I thought. And no, that’s why I found the phrasing so odd. It sounds forced like he’s trying to get a reaction.
He literally just messaged me too as we speak, haha. He messages me every free chance he gets. I’d like to be optimistic but that threw me off. Wahhh :-(Teresa
You are right, it seems as he was just so overly adamant about it. Good for you for playing it cool:)
Hayley
Haha thank you! In text I said ‘ah right cool a tour buddy’.
Inside I was a classic crazed loon screaming ‘who is this woman!?’.
I’ve had enough experience of relationships/dating to know that acting jealous and thinking jealous are two very different things. The first is far more destructive.Teresa
I would venture to guess, there is no women at all. Me thinks he made the entire thing up or he would have mentioned her before.
Juliette
So I’m clear, you told him about the 4 guys BEFORE he talked about this girl or after? If before, how exactly did that come up in your conversation and what were your motives in saying that if not to incite some level of jealousy or reaction?
Hayley
I told him about them before he said about this girl. I mentioned it not for any particular reason really, other than just the days events. It was not to evoke jealousy, but I don’t like men to think I am too available. I like to appear valuable if that makes sense? Perhaps that is why I felt the need to mention it.
I’d had a stressful day as a result, as I was at work at the time and it was annoying my manager who told me off about it (despite the fact I obviously didn’t give them my number or flirt, or do anything to attract them other than standing there).
Was a stupid thing to mention wasn’t it really. Probably seemed random to HIM?Inga
It sounds like you tried to play a game with him to tell him men asked for your number and it back fired in your face. First, a woman with high value doesn’t have the need to tell a guy she is seeing that men ask for her number, that is simply irrelevant. A guy will know her worth cause that is how she carries herself and he will recognize it and if he doesn’t he isn’t worth the woman’s time. And if you don’t want to be too available it’s enough to be living life and enjoying yourself you don’t need to tell a guy you are seeing things like men asking for your number. Reverse the situation and ask yourself how you would feel if a guy said that to you. I think you need to rethink your communication skills.
Hayley
The thing is him going on this 1 month backpacking thing has completely rattled me, I’m absolutely terrified he’s going to be seeing/meeting all these new and interesting places/people and forget about me.
At the same time though, I’m making all these assumptions. Perhaps he has the same worries leaving me behind, that I might meet new people?Juliette
Well, if I turned the tables and I was the one gone for a month and the girl I was seeing was telling me about all of the guys that are after her it wouldn’t feel very good at all. I don’t think it seemed so random to him as much as it seemed hurtful. I’m not really sure what to advise you as next steps but he probably is fairly hurt and fairly jealous. There are probably better ways to ensure he knows your value going forward. How about just being a genuine, friendly, warm person towards him. There is tons of value in that.
Teresa
Haley, they are just giving you a little tough love. I know I probably would have done the same thing at your age. Dont stress about it.
Hayley
Deary me, what a silly woman I am. How can I rectify this?
Teresa
You will be fine, dont do it again. Obviously he likes you, a LOT. I didnt learn the whole “value” thing until I hit my 30’s.
Mel
Hayley,
the only way you can rectify it is by just letting it go and be a little bit more aware on how your words and actions may affect him, put yourself in his place first. I understand that some times we joke and it gets taken the wrong way and sometimes we say stuff that isn’t meant to hurt but it does that is life and you are young and still learning.
So just let it go, continue to talk to him just be mindful in the future. He is still talking to you so you haven’t blown it :-) Keep you chin up honeyHayley
I’ve just noticed what Inga said and now I’m even more worried!
Kasey
Hayley, I’m laughing delightedly because you seem so cute and earnest. I understand your stress and anxiety. We’ve all been there. Whenever I’m there, I laugh at myself.
First, his bragging about his female tour buddy with OMG and F words is simply immature. Your telling him about the other guys is understandable. You were pissed because of his absurd bragging. It wasn’t the best move you could’ve made, but don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re human, it’s done, and you can’t change it.
Your question about how to rectify this is good. My advice would be to not mention his tour buddy or the other guys again. If he does, determine whether he’s doing it to provoke you or just to be a butthole. If it’s the latter, do you want an immature butthole as your boyfriend?
Keep me updated, cutie :D
Hayley
Haha thanks Kasey, I’m glad you find me that sweet haha. I’ll keep you updated on this post or on another one with the same title with *update* added on the end (or something similiar) I get all girly girly when I like guys and go from a usually very logical person to a frilly frilly whirlwind of ridiculousness!
I’m just getting so anxious from him being on this trip, it’s a long time and I really don’t want him to lose interest.
Kasey
Hey cutie. Don’t worry about him losing interest. You must be a pretty girl because FOUR guys asked for your number in one day. If the backpacking braggart does lose interest, his loss. Not yours.
But I think because we are all girly girly inside, we want to know why a guy does this or that. I personally think that this young, immature guy is trying up his “value” to you by acting as if other girls are interested in him. Don’t play this game with him anymore. It’s beneath your dignity. Just don’t let him engage you in these sort of immature dialogues. If he persists, then tell him to enjoy his time with these other girls while you do your own thing without him. This is how you maintain your self-respect and not allow a guy to manipulate you. And in the process of respecting yourself, he will respect you and may feel inspired to treat you right. Good luck, cutie.
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