Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Is he worth me chasing him?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by
Sophia.
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Veronica
I met a guy online and we’ve dated a few times. When we first met online, he was interviewing for a new position/promotion overseas. By our third date, he had been offered the job and is due to move in January.
He’s very stressed with the new job and the change and obviously isn’t great with message exchanges, although he was in the beginning.
He disappears a lot but did tell me once “never give up on me ;)”I’m really torn whether to chase him or just let him go. We haven’t dated enough for me to know if he’s worth the investment, but there is something about him I like.
I also hate to chase men since I feel it lowers the value of a woman in a man’s eyes.Any advice?!!
Lane
Let him go. His vision is focused on his career, allow him to fulfill his vision, and you get on with yours.
Liz Lemon
He’s moving overseas in January. Why invest feelings in him and get attached when he’s gone in a few months? That could potentially be very painful for you, if you were to develop strong feelings for him. Let this one go.
Also I don’t advise chasing men as a general rule. You should definitely show interest and be warm, reciprocate when he does nice things for you, etc– but if he’s flaking a lot, disappearing, not answering messages etc– he’s not that into you. You won’t need to chase a guy who is genuinely interested in you.
It sounds to me like this guy is looking for an ego boost with messages like “never give up on me ;-)” when HE is the one being flaky and disappearing. And anyway that’s a weird thing to say to someone you’ve only dated a few times when you know you’re moving abroad in 3 months. Sounds like game playing to me.
Anon
Please let him go and pick up a damn hobby. Him disappearing shows he isn’t serious. You sound naive trying to make it work with someone who is moving away soon.
Invest in yourself and your future like he is. He’s focused on his job and is going places. Get yourself together and do the same. Never chase a man. I advise you to read one of those dating books because you sound really desperate
Veronica
Thankyou for the advice and you confirmed my gut instinct and I’ll let it go.
Except the anonymous person who called me desperate. I most definitely am not. You’re just rude and disrespectful.
Paige
Trying to make something work with someone who’s moving out of the country that you don’t even really know IS kinda desperate though…you can’t date someone in your area?
anon
I am going to put this out there… sometimes I think when we really like and put effort into a man that we know KNOW is a lost cause, it is not that we are desperate to be in a relationship, but because deep down we do not actually want to be in a relationship.
I look at myself and the last 3 dating people I enjoyed lived out of town or had a huge age gap. I was telling myself I really wanted a relationship while coming up with every reason not to want to date local guys looking for relationships.
It is very uncomfortable as a woman to say “I do not want a relationship” and honestly the best and most socially acceptable way to opt out of admitting that is to chase the unobtainable. Then you can say “I tried, but it did not work out because he moved”.
In my case, I actually do not want a relationship…. one the guys I pine after is a distance dude, and I am so obsessed. But on paper? No way do I want to hitch myself to this dude and I would *run* if he said he was moving to my city and wanted to move in and start sharing a life. His role in my life? He helps me keep emotional distance from potentially viable local dudes. My FWB? Totally age inappropriate – his role? He helps me keep distance from potentially appropriate dudes.
I think a lot of men roll like this too.
Louise
I’m with anon here, I think us women often pursue men we know aren’t worth pursuing because really we’re not ready for a relationship.
I had a FWB for 14 months who I developed feelings for – I went into it knowing I wasn’t ready for a relationship but still found myself hoping it would develop until I ended it in July. Now that I’m seeing a guy who is looking for serious, it’s lovely but freaking me out a little!!
I wouldn’t try and develop something with someone who is moving away in a few months, it sounds like a recipe for heartache.
Khadija
No man is worth chasing.
Find someone you won’t have to chase.Mollie
Let him go.
It makes no sense because he is leaving. Why get invested, to potentially get hurt, when there is an end date on you both?
Sophia
To answer your question- No.
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