Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is it normal for a guy to text less the more you date
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Maddie.
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Vero
Is it normal for a guy to text less the more you date
So I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 2 months and I really like him, although he is a bit odd..I recently found out that he is a bit autistic so I’m curious how that might contribute..but I still think he’s a good and interesting person. Although I’m trying to gauge if he’s still interested in me because of his texting habits or if texting really even matters when you get to a certain point?
The first month we texted quite a lot, everyday and with a lot of enthusiasm. We moved pretty quickly and have been on 8 dates, most where we spend the night, one in which we spent a weekend together and another where he spent a week with me. I traveled out of the country for a week and the week before is the one he spent with me. I noticed when I was traveling that he would take many hours to respond and once or twice did not message for a day. At first it made me panic and my friends made me feel I should be concerned, but is it really that big of a deal? He asked to see me the day I was back home and even invited me to his parents place for dinner where he is staying at the moment (they are away) and helped me to pick up my cat from the boarding service. But since I’ve been back this past week he hasn’t texted me much but still arranges to see me (saw him again last night and he asked to see me next week). I also helped him to take his family cat to the vet yesterday and he mentioned me to his parents who are traveling. I’m not sure in what context, but his mother paid for him to make me a nice dinner as a thank you.
I believe it’s possible he’s talking to other people and he’s active on the apps as we are quite early in dating and haven’t spoken about being exclusive, so that is okay. I mentioned to him on a call last week in a nice way that I feel like I don’t want to bother him with my texting but to let me know if he needs more space, was no longer interested or wanted to focus on other people. He said that wasn’t the case, although I felt the conversation made him uncomfortable.
In summary, I feel like he is still interested when I see him and it’s possible just wants to move things slower which is okay, or perhaps feels comfortable with what we are that he doesn’t need to text much? But my friends opinions are making me doubt this because of his texting habits and that recently he is very busy with friends on the weekends but they think he is lying and is prioritizing someone else….but idk. Are these actually red flags or should I just go with the flow because we enjoy eachothers time together?
Raven
Do you want a relationship with a guy or a phone?
Maddie
If you’re seeing each other just as much or more than before, the texting shouldn’t matter. If you want to be exclusive, you can also tell him that you’re interested in focusing on getting to know only him better instead of guessing or assuming. But without outright initiating the define the relationship conversation, just seeing if you’re going in the same direction and both want the same kind of relationship with the right person. If he’s actually on the spectrum, then yes he likely will seem uncomfortable with emotional conversations and miss social cues because that can be part of the interpersonal challenges of it, and needs some more guidance as he gets to know you about how to navigate things. Not that you need to try to take charge of everything, but you do need to be direct and not expect him to mindread, and you shouldn’t read into small actions as much as you might in early dating days with a neurotypical guy. Not that any adults should be expected to mindread anyway. In short, if you trust him so far and he’s given you no reason to doubt his honesty, then take him at his word and don’t assume the worst about his intentions.
I’m going to make a big generalization, but my experience is many people truly on the spectrum are extremely honest (to the extent that some may find the honesty offensive!), because they just don’t deal well with nuanced social game playing, and that makes it difficult to lie plus it can seem pointless and inefficient.
If he’s withdrawing all around, and his texting is declining along with in-person time declining and he’s stopped initiating plans and there seems to be no organic gaining of momentum, then autistic or not, that’s a classic guy set of signs that he’s not that interested anymore.
But that doesn’t seem to be what you’re describing. It sounds like you’re an anxious dater and he may not be the type of guy you’re used to or express validation in a way you’re used to, and you still need to get to know each other better to navigate each other confidently.
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