Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Is it normal to not want a wedding?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Tay
Me and my bf have been together for 1.8 years. We sometimes joke about whether we would get married and if I would take his last name and stuff.
His family has been lovely to me but my family hasn’t been. Been lots of drama since we started dating so I rarely mention him to them so they don’t associate at all.
Anyway, I battle with serious anxiety and my job is highly stressful as well. I can’t help but worry and think about the future. Is it normal to not want to have a big wedding, or even a wedding at all? Just the attention from people (guests) and the pressure of making everything look perfect and a fairy tale annoys me. My question is are they anybody in the past just get married without an actual wedding? Is it a thing?
Maddie
Absolutely. People elope, people go to city hall, people have tiny weddings with family or close friends only, or have just a tiny ceremony and then dinner with a few people. All that matters is you’re doing what works for the both of you, conventional or not. I think anything you want to do if you’re looking to tie the knot is even more acceptable now, when a pandemic keeps a traditional larger wedding and reception from being a safe option for many. Plus, cost should be a factor… some people don’t want to spend the money on a wedding (or don’t have it to spend) and may want to do something different.
Have you talked to your partner about this at all? Told him what you want, found out what he wants?
tammy
maddies right. its upto you two. you can just have a simple marriage without too many relatives. maybe bec your family is not on board your having anxiety. but as long as you are happy with him thats more important. have a simple wedding and then throw maybe a small lunch party or dinner party. keep it fuss free and simple.
mama
I am one of those who never wanted a wedding — all those eyes on me, the bride? Too scary! My ex husband and I had a city hall wedding with our best friends as our witnesses, then had a big reception/party on the weekend with our friends and families. It was so much better for my own anxiety and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. We went on to have a great marriage for a while, until we didn’t. But it had nothing to do with the way we got married.
If I ever get married again, I will do it the same way. :) I have zero regrets for having that kind of wedding/reception.
There are women out there who dream of their wedding day and I respect that. I was just never one of them.
Raven
Eloping is still popular, there’s Drive Through Wedding Chapels in Vegas…
Liz Lemon
I’m with mama– weddings never interested me. It’s just not something I ever wanted. I enjoy going to other people’s weddings, though :-) When I married my ex husband a couple decades ago, we just eloped at city hall. My current bf and I are discussing marrying in the next couple of years, after my child finishes college & moves out. When my bf married his ex wife, they went to city hall also, so we’re on the same page as far as that goes! We agreed that when it happens it’ll be at city hall. Something very simple.
So you’re not alone, there are plenty people who don’t want a wedding, for whatever reason (the expense, the fuss, whatever). As long as you discuss it with your partner and you two are on the same page about how you want to do it, other people’s opinions don’t count. The important thing is the marriage, not the wedding!
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