Is it okay to dismiss a decent guy so soon?

I am also looking for tips on how to navigate these kind of topics with a potential date. I mean how can you ask someone how much they earn and be sure that they are telling you the truth.
How to know for sure where they want to settle down, or if they’d be open to settling according to my job. I am a lawyer btw. How to ask somebody of they intend to live with parents without coming across as a bitch. I mean I am totally okay taking care of both our parents in extreme old age. But till that stage hasn’t come, I want to have my own space with my partner.

How can we save getting invested in anyone before knowing all this. And how to know all this fast.

I have decided to not date guys who don’t know what they are looking for. Is that okay? Do people change their mind down the line?

I have started dating after 5 years and I am looking to find the one. I ofcourse want to have fun but don’t want to waste my time much. I am 28.

And… you cannot ask someone how much they earn directly, especially on a first date. Very, very tacky. You can make some educated guesses by profession. Otherwise you watch and see if they pay for dates. You can listen to what they say about themselves and their ambitions. Tread carefully on this one. I realize you’re probably a high earner or a high potential earner and want someone who is the same, which makes sense, but you’re going to come across as a gold digger if you’re not careful.

You can dismiss a guy whenever you want, especially if it is clear there are dealbreakers. The faster the better when there are dealbreakers, even if they are decent people. Decent is great, and there are all different kinds of decent, but it doesn’t automatically make them specifically a good match for YOU.

Do not ever date someone for their “potential”, knowing you both want different things but hoping you can change their mind. I do know someone who started dating someone similar, and they did give in and changed their job to get a standard corporate job they never wanted and dropped a bunch of other life goals and dreams because they felt desperate to get married. Doesn’t that actually sound like a weak man to you? Do you want someone willing to entirely compromise themselves instead of someone you’re actually compatible with? So, great, now that couple has an unequal and unhappy marriage… but they are married, so mission accomplished???

Figure out what you want in life, meet with people in person who want the same (this guy does not, not at all!), then see if you like each other from there. You can’t rush it, men will run from you if you ask questions about what they will provide for you before they even know you. They will feel you don’t care who they are, only what they will do for you, so they can be anyone who just checks some boxes. It is also a sign of bad boundaries to be so personal when you don’t even know each other or know if you like each other as people yet. Just go on the first date, see if anything happened to come up that was an obvious dealbreaker (like someone mentions they want kids but the other person does not, then no second date). If yes there are dealbreakers, don’t go on a second date. If no, decide if you like them enough to go on a second date. Repeat the same on the second date about the third date. Repeat again. After deciding over a few dates if you like each other enough to want to continue building a connection, then it is less intrusive to start saying what you’re looking for in more depth and seeing if there’s a good compatibility fit. But the first few dates, you are still strangers, and no one owes anyone anything.

Why dont u first meet him? Casually over an erly evening drnk? Just take it cool and treat this as a casual outing with a friend. It may turn out that you guys hv nothing in common or there may be a lack of vibe!

Besides its just a thought abt starting his own business. May or may not happen. Who knows? I hv a friend who is reasonably intelligent wid a gud corporate job. He kept talking abt starting his own firm. He left a well known corporate group and joined a startup. He wantd to learn the ropes and hv wider responsibility and a bigger role. But turns out there was 24×7 scrutiny and he just cldnt function in that environment. So he quit that job abd startd his own thing. After 1/2 years of his own thing, he now wants to get back to a corporate job bec he doesnt like the uncertainty abt his pay checks and needs a more structured and stable life. That was his view the last time i met him 3 mnths back.

So dont form opinions widout meeting the person.. and do meet if you find the guy reasonably interesting and attrctv.

Raven: if he sounds like bad news even before meeting then what’s even the point

Liz lemon- I agree at this point I can’t say he’s trustworthy. I was just trusting g my gut. But gotta practical. I have never even met him

3-4 dates you want to know if you are his gf or not? men usually take around 3 months, it can happen earlier, some men ask after first date but I don’t see a point in rushing. How can you tell after 3 dates if he is the right person for you?

People can change their goals, yes. But you should never expect that to happen nor should you expect they’ll change for YOU. Think about how you’d feel if you went on a date with a guy who treated you with the approach you are describing. He isn’t so comfortable with your current career choices, let’s say he wants you to be a stay at home mom not a lawyer, maybe he wants you both to live in a new country in a few years, just hypothetical examples of he wants you to live a certain way because that’s what HE wants in life. Who is he to expect any of that of you when he doesn’t even know you yet? Would that not make you feel uncomfortable on an early date? Aren’t you supposed to see if you even like each other first (assuming, again, that there’s no obvious mismatch and dealbreakers in early conversation) before trying to control every aspect of how the courtship goes?

I am not sure if someone who never had a gf will be a good partner for you anyway. He might say he was focusing on work but to me it seems like he either never wanted to or has some unresolved issues that stop him from committing . I personally would not be interested in a guy who was single all his life. There is something not right with him for sure.

No offense intended – your methodology makes you come off as desperate and in a hurry. You’ve got a lot of rules and time schedules and dealing with humans just isn’t as cut and dried as I think you’d like it to be. Every man you meet is a unique individual and your rules and timings may not apply.

You don’t want a man who immediately asks you to be his GF. In my experience the faster they burn in the beginning the faster they flame out. On the other hand you don’t want someone who is too slow either.

Meet each man and treat him as an individual. You’ve got your screening criteria and pattern down pretty good. Now RELAX and have FUN dating! 28 is a great age. You’ve got some maturity and experience and you’re still very young with so many interesting choices in front of you.