Is it this a red flag?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Is it this a red flag?

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  • #932146 Reply
    Anonymous Queen

    This guy I recently met has shown mostly high-value traits. He has taken me on two dates – one dinner and drink date, and another movie date, all of which he paid for. And no significant red flags yet except for the following (maybe?):
    On the second date, he drove me to the cinemas and did not open my door even once. He was already sitting in his car and did not come out to open the door for me. Later, when we were going into the cinema he walked in first, and the door almost shuts on me because I would never touch the door myself, it’s not my job! However, he doesn’t get the cue and still does not open the car door when he drives me home. We will be going on a walk soon and I’m not sure how I can bring this up. Do you think this is a red flag?

    #932148 Reply
    zoe

    Dont get into the car util he opens it lol

    #932149 Reply
    Kim

    I think you need to have a discussion about what you expect from a man in relationship. To be honest it’s 2022. Not 1952. It’s not the man’s job to open a door for you. He paid on the date, which is good. I’ve been on dates before where the guys haven’t even done that.

    My husband doesn’t usually open the car door for me or any other door. It doesn’t really bother me. It’s something so trivial. If he’s respectful toward you and treats you well in every other way opening a door really is not the be all and end all.

    #932150 Reply
    Raven

    I don’t think it’s a red flag, he just doesn’t know better…

    My Husband opens my doors 99% of the time. When we are on a sidewalk, he walks on the outside.
    He’s probably much much older though & had a Mama who taught him how to treat a woman.

    I had a beau who didn’t ‘get’ the door thing. I told him how much I’d appreciate it if he would. Every time he opened my door, I would kiss him & tell him how much I loved that he opened my door. It only took a couple of times for him to become a great door opener!

    #932151 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Kim, it may not be the norm in Australia for men to open doors for women but here in the United States it is. It’s good manners and treating a lady like a lady. My BF opens doors for me most of the time. I will stop in front of doors and wait for him to open it actually. He likes that I am happy to allow him to care for me.

    Younger men may not have learned the art of treating a lady like a lady, in which case do exactly what Raven said – tell him what you like and then reward him handsomely when he does it!!

    #932158 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I think this is a question of expectation. If I’m walking into a building with my bf, yes he opens the door for me. But if we’re driving somewhere and he parks his car, I don’t sit in the car and wait for him to come around and open the door for me. That seems excessive (and honestly ridiculous to me). He also puts his arm gently around my waist in a protective way if we’re crossing a street together (he clearly does it without even thinking, which I think is super cute) but again, not every guy is going to do that.

    So in my opinion it’s a question of expectation. And no, I don’t think this is a red flag about the guy as a person. But it’s a red flag that your expectations are not aligned.

    If it’s important to you, I think he can be easily trained, as the other ladies have described :-) If you otherwise think he’s a nice guy and a good match for you, I wouldn’t dump him over this- I’d just do what the others suggest, tell him how much you love it and reward him when he does it.

    #932161 Reply
    mama

    There’s a few subreddits on Reddit that use that sort of terminology (“high value”) and it seems like it’s mostly for women and very very high expectations of the men they date.

    If opening the door for you is important to you, then either kindly let him know or move on. I don’t think it’s a mark against his character.

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