Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is it too early for the “what are we” talk?
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mama.
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Jane
So I’ve been seeing this guy for over two months. Last time I physically got to see him was over a month ago. We went on two dates prior to social distancing. Everything has been going so well we really seem to connect and talk a lot and enjoy each other‘s company.
He has been nothing but kind and considerate. And still talks about making future date plans once this is over to see each other again.
He has been very clear to me from the beginning that he doesn’t want to rush into a relationship but to take his time to make sure we are right for each Other.
But since things have been going so well it’s really bothering me that I still see that he’s active on the dating site. I see him online from time to time in it really is starting to hurt me. I know he has every right to date and talk to whoever we are not exclusive. But I feel like I can’t keep going on talking to him not knowing if he’s really serious about me. Is it too early to bring up anything? I know it’s too early to be exclusive since we haven’t exactly been on physical dates in along time but I feel like I need to know how he feels about me. Or should I just let this go and let this ride out to whatever it may be.
Newbie
Do i understand that you went on two dates total? For me thats way too soon to have a Dtr talk. Plus if he is on dating sites you already have your answer that he is not ready for that talk or inclined to make it more serious. Take some more time. 2 dates is nothing, this weird limbo doesnt help bonding but there is not much you can do
T from NY
Yep Covid sucks for your situation because this guy is doing nothing wrong. But of course if you felt a connection with him and now your spending a bunch of time talking to him because you’re not able to see each other physically – your emotions are getting involved.
But I’m gonna give you some tough love right now. Feelings are not facts! Just because you FEEL connected to him through words – men are the opposite and need to spend TIME with you to bond. Unless you two are spending ginormous amounts of hours dissecting you’re whole life stories to each other on the phone or through video chat —you don’t even know this guy. It’s definitely okay to want a boyfriend – but you’re trying to give away that privilege to someone you barely know.
This is an opportunity for you to get real with you and work on being alone. Because you essentially are alone unless a guy commits to you. You are single. Work on feeling happy without him. Let his communications to you be a bonus in your life. A lovely distraction but not the main show. Of course with a crush it’s easy to be distracted! I’ve been there. But train your mind just like you do your body with exercise.
In my book, unless he was making it clear he was courting only YOU during this quarantine time, then takes you out for a several more dates AFTER this is over – would it be even remotely time to broach what your relationship is. Remember to always MIRROR a man’s efforts. Never give more energy or allow more emotion towards them then they are giving to you. Men love women who don’t need them because they love their freedom. Women can learn from men. You’ll be okay. Get busy thinking about yourself, talking to others if you want and training your brain.
mama
2 dates, haven’t seen him in person in over a month.
Yes it is too early. You are going to have to start all over once we all get out from under the virus thumb. Then start a countdown, take it one day at a time, and wait at least a few months before the attempt to define what you and he are.
There is no security in defining your relationship at this point. I think you are just going to have to work on being comfortable with being in limbo. It’s tough mentally and emotionally, but you can do it. ;)
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