Is it too forward if *I* ask him out for coffee?

Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is it too forward if *I* ask him out for coffee?

Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • January 24, 2016 at 11:58 am #500394 Reply
    KL

    We both recently got out of relationships and his friends told me that he’s forgotten how to flirt properly and feels kinda shy.

    I kinda want to get to know him more, but I also don’t want to scare him away by making him think that just because we spend time together means that i’m considering a relationship with him.

    we go to the same grad school. we aren’t super close and i dont see him too often at school cuz we’re both busy with our own stuff. we mainly talk via fb msg.

    so how can i bring up grabbing coffee without me looking like i’m chasing him?

    January 24, 2016 at 12:30 pm #500402 Reply
    jenni smith

    I would not ask him outright. Is there a coffee shop where you like to study? I would say something like, “I will be studying for xxxx class from 10-2 on Tuesday, you should stop by!” and see if he does? Or if he is busy during that time, it opens the window for reciprocation.

    January 24, 2016 at 12:49 pm #500404 Reply
    Newbie

    Why wouldn’t you ask him out for coffee? But make it a bit interesting. Like: there is this new coffeeplace or something else and i want to check it out. You like to come along?

    January 24, 2016 at 1:28 pm #500406 Reply
    KL

    So I dont really see him in person too much at school….isn’t it weird if i fb msg him in advance to tell him to join me for coffee while i study?? Especially considering that we don’t usually hang out..

    January 24, 2016 at 1:57 pm #500413 Reply
    Maria

    Do not ask him to go for coffee. He is a guy, if he likes you, he will ask you.

    But you can lure him in, get a few people together for some occasion. Think of a good excuse and make it a “party”.

    January 24, 2016 at 4:25 pm #500439 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Yes, plan a little get together and invite his friends along with him.

    Sounds like a plan to me.

    January 24, 2016 at 4:36 pm #500446 Reply
    KL

    We’re not in the same year, Our classes are like 100 people each (law school)…also i’m busy with exams right now so even if i did throw a party ppl from my own class wouldnt show up. And i know i should be studying but i keep thinking about him, so i kinda want to get this out of my system so i can go on with my life lol

    January 24, 2016 at 4:38 pm #500447 Reply
    Maria

    Well, maybe this is why he is not asking you for coffee now. Exams. Not the best time to start something when you need to focus on your studies.

    You need to be patient, wait until after the exams and then organize a little party. He is not going to vaporize until then is he?

    January 24, 2016 at 7:52 pm #500502 Reply
    KL

    No he’s not going to vaporize but I’ve got exams until April and then I graduate in June. So if neither of us make a move I won’t see him once I graduate cuz I’ll be working somewhere and I won’t really have an excuse to bump into him during the day.

    January 24, 2016 at 10:39 pm #500547 Reply
    Amy

    I would never advise you to ask out a guy. Men like to be hunters and if you ask him out, even for a coffee, you are taking on the man’s role. This is a turnoff for good guys and also sets the relationship dynamic from the beginning as you being the aggressor and the man, which makes the guy…the woman. Not a good idea.

    Flirt with him but it’s up to him to ask you out. If he’s a real man, he will man up and make a move. If he’s not, he’s a wimp. I know lots of shy guys who still worked up the nerve to ask a girl on a date.

    January 25, 2016 at 1:42 am #500569 Reply
    Sophie

    Hi KL,
    Agree with Newbie.
    This is to me is personal choice. I would not think too much as I am a straight forward person but you have to be demure and finger cross the guy will not think too much about this either. Keep your happy mindset and expectation to minimum. Asking out in person is way preferable

    January 25, 2016 at 4:58 am #500580 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Well, since Mike piped up…and there is some wisdom in love is not for the faint of heart…then ask him for coffee.

    But, I do not like it still, I firmly believe in correct dynamics, the guy asks the girl to show interest. If he does not have interest then what?

    January 25, 2016 at 7:18 am #500587 Reply
    hellokitty

    Ask him for coffee!!!!! Having been in law school myself, its no big deal to ask another student to join you for a coffee break during exams. There is usually somewhere convenient near the school or library. Tell him you want to take a study break and see if he wants to join.

    January 25, 2016 at 7:21 am #500589 Reply
    hellokitty

    Mike,
    Thank you so much for your opinion. I value everyone’s opinion and perspective here, however, sometimes i feel like its exhausting and somewhat counterintuitive to follow the rules about what a man is supposed to do and what a woman is supposed to do.

    January 25, 2016 at 8:26 am #500599 Reply
    Lane

    Hi KL,

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a guy for coffee BUT in this circumstance your expectations and reality are far and wide being that your schedules are difficult and you’ll be graduating soon…unless both of you are staying in the area then what’s the point?

    If you just want to get to know him as a person without any expectations for potential romance then ask him to join you for a cup of joe, however if your hoping for more, such as a date afterwards, then you will most likely be disappointed because men are not mind readers which means he will have no clue what your true agenda is unless you tell him point blank “I like you and wanted to see if there was a spark” because men SUCK at clues.

    If your seeking an ego stroke then its a bad idea, but if you just want to get to know him as a person, then go ahead but don’t go into it with any expectations something will materialize from it as men take longer to heal from breakups and its probably not even on his radar right now with school being his primary focus.

    January 25, 2016 at 11:07 am #500626 Reply
    KL

    conflicting responses! lol

    I’ll still be working in the same area, so it’s not like after i graduate i’ll be moving far away.

    And at the moment, i’m the one busy with exams and school, his semester is pretty stressfree. I guess i’ll just focus on my school stuff for now and see what happens. Because even if i did initiate contact with him I wouldnt have too much time to follow-up and continue seeing him anyways.

    I guess deep down I just miss having someone as support, esp at a time like this when i’m so overwhelmed with school. but he wouldnt be able to fill that void anyways since it’s too recent from his breakup.

    Thanks for the advice everyone

    January 25, 2016 at 11:40 am #500633 Reply
    Laura

    I say ask him but just know you are “robbing” yourself of the thrill of him having asked you.

    Now…you have conflicting answers because you yourself present as conflicted!! =) Let me explain…

    You have an underlying motive to coffee…to show him what a great gal you are under the cover of a friendly exchange…it could go either way so depending on how your beau/buddy takes it paves the way for the future…

    Tread lightly. I am all about building a friendship up first and I’d hang but I wouldn’t hint at more until it unfolded naturally…if it unfolds…some people wanna be wined and dined and that’s a very honorable expectation as well…

    Just relax and take it day by day and really listen to the dynamic, the dance y’all do…

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
Reply To: Is it too forward if *I* ask him out for coffee?
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>

Search The Forums

follow a new mode

follow a new mode