Is It Too Late?

It sounds like you only met a couple of times and went on a couple dates before this happened? You don’t actually know each other at all, unfortunately. That takes time, it takes time to get to know each other and build trust instead of making assumptions. You assumed he was great because he was nice to you for a couple days. That’s an understandable thing to happen if you’ve been messed around in the past, but it’s not a good gauge for dating and learning about new people. While you should take the lessons about red flags you’ve learned from your experiences to date better people and leave the badly behaved ones faster, each new person is different and if you outright project your bad experiences on them without knowing enough about the person, this can happen. Sometimes you need to slow it down, do not assume who someone is after only two dates because you simply can’t know yet. You’ve only seen what they’ve shown you, and they need to keep consistently showing you for a period of time before you know and know they are a safe person to emotionally invest in and a good match for you. Getting to know someone also goes both ways, which is why if he didn’t have bad intentions and was just busy, he’s now deciding if this situation works for him.

I don’t know what his intentions are because there’s not enough info. He was busy trying to head out of town and didn’t have the chance to follow up with you before you reached out, so it’s unclear at this point if he was going to turn out to be a player or not. Guys will often sleep with you as quickly as you are comfortable with, though, and that can be too quickly for them as well even if they initially go into the situation open to a relationship. This isn’t a double-standard about deciding to have sex, it’s a decision you’ve both made together which is okay, but if you know that you have baggage from the past around how a guy will treat you after sex, take that into consideration! It’s part of taking care of yourself. Get more information about him first through dating longer and wait for him to indicate he wants to see you exclusively before deciding to have sex. Or tell him (after a few dates) that you prefer to wait until you’re exclusive to have sex, though you’re really enjoying getting to know him. If saying that scares him off, then GOOD RIDDANCE! At least you got to see his true colors before sleeping with him.

In this case, I don’t know what he will do, but you’ve apologized to him already, so completely back off now. Do NOT be angry with yourself or beat yourself up. Give him space, process and manage your own feelings, don’t make him the center of your world or your mood after only a couple dates. Do take care of yourself and live your life. Even if this doesn’t work out, then maybe he was a player and it was for the best. Or he wasn’t, but it still didn’t work out because you don’t have the same communication needs at this time and didn’t know that yet but weren’t really compatible. (Plus, his responses back to you weren’t very kind or mature even if he was annoyed, so that doesn’t sound like someone who is so great!) So no matter how it turns it out isn’t bad and means you have the opportunity to confront your past baggage within yourself and heal so you can feel more confident in building a relationship with someone who is a better match for you next time.

There’s always uncertainty before a relationship is officially established, and the best way to handle it with whoever you’re dating is to feel as certain as you can about yourself. Trust yourself, manage your own emotions without letting the guy’s behavior overtake you, and lean back to let the guy show you who he is over time at the beginning, and situations will seem a lot less confusing. Again, admitting to yourself that you’re doing the best you can but you have more to learn (and maybe leftover baggage you still need to heal) is okay, but don’t beat yourself up over this experience because that’s the opposite of accepting and trusting in yourself.

Honey, if you get anxious why are you sleeping with men so early?also, I am sorry, but your texts and calls and apologies are a big red flag. You seemed emotionally out of control, which you were. You should not sleep with someone if you cannot manage them not calling.

If you are not in a relationship, you cannot expect Relationship things. You did not know this man. I don’t think you will hear from him.

Was he a great guy, we don’t know. That is why you wait to sleep with someone. You did not mess anything up, but I suggest you read up on anxious attachment. If the person I was dating texted me and called me and and was asking and accusing me, I would alsoend it.

Hi Jessica. You are not ready for a relationship for two reasons: 1) the attention he was giving you was filling a void in your life (that void is filled by self love and not external – from a relationship, 2) the lack of understandibg that man’s greatest fear is losing their freedom. Once you find self love, allow a true foundation to be created and entering into sex because you believe the person is going to be beautiful and not for fear of losing the validation to thyself, and allow a man to come to you because he is “feeling” it and without pressure from insecurities because you ONLY want what is organic. Best wishes in getting true love.