Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Is my boyfriend slowly ghosting me?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
mell.
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Gennie
A little background – we are 9 months into our relationship and are in lockdown apart. It feels like perhaps it is standard ghosting procedure (which doesn’t stop it hurting) but he’s becoming less regular with texting but still online on whatsapp and obviously talking to other people.
Now i’m not so insecure that when he told me he’d had a manic day after his step father was rushed into hospital, i thought it was an excuse, because i don’t think it is, it’s a pretty awful time right now!
But I replied asking if he was ok and his family too and that I’d be there if he needed me, which he read and now over a day later, hasn’t replied to. I know it’s a tough time, but you’d assume as his girlfriend he might acknowledge it? He’s been on whatsapp at least once since I sent the message… do i send him a follow up ‘asking how he’s doing?’ or is that smothering him? It’s so hard when we are locked down apart and i’m thinking maybe i’m just reading too much into this and he just needs some space.
Thoughts?
mama
My thoughts are that kind of severity of a medical emergency deserves a phone call, not a text.
Not all situations fit a texting medium and this is one of those situations. CALL HIM. Leave a message if he doesn’t answer, let him know you are there in whatever capacity he needs and then let him be.
I don’t think he’s “slowly ghosting you” (that’s not ghosting). But I think you need to recalibrate your perspective on the situation. Maybe it’s not about you.
And don’t forget to take a deep breath.
Liz Lemon
Give him space. I don’t think the fact that he has not responded to you for 1 day means he’s ghosting. And just because he’s on whatsapp doesn’t mean he’s ignoring you. He may be communicating with family about his stepfather.
I agree with mama, you should mentally recalibrate. Don’t assume it’s about you. He is dealing with a family crisis. Just breathe and don’t assume the worst. Give him some space and time to reply. I would say if you don’t hear from him in another day or two, reach out at that point.
mell
There may be all sorts of reasons he’s a bit less regular with the texting – maybe he’s a bit more distracted with everything going on, and therefore replies later because he’s watching films/games etc.
Maybe he’s also being messaged by more people- family and friends are probably checking up on each other more, so perhaps he just feels tired. And perhaps with his family emergency
Plus, lockdown is weird. People all take it differently – perhaps it’s making him feel a bit low, or nervous. You’ve known him for a long time – ask him if he’s doing OK. When his dad is more stable, You can even talk about how you feel he’s been a bit more quiet, and if everything’s OK.
But right now just be supportive.
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