Is my Fbuddy slowly pulling back?

Mee thinks he was ‘fishing’ but you’re only FWB, so…

If you are going to enter into an FWB, both parties need to be very clear on their expectations (wants and needs) before you enter into it, or you’ll end up with a confusing mess. Not sure why you are so afraid to tell him what you want or expect, because men can’t read minds so you need to let him know them what you really want/need, and if he is unable to meet them, you have to walk away.

I had an FWB, who over time, wanted more than I was capable of giving him and had to end it because FWB’s are suppose to be EASY without all the expectations of a relationship, and only work when both parties have the same mindset. Now if both parties change their position after spending a good amount of time together, and want to segue into a relationship, then that discussion needs to take place as well or you have a confusing mess.

What do you really want—a FWB or relationship? I’m confused too because you appear to be back and forth, entertaining both but don’t seem to know what you really want, so these mixed messages between the two of you is causing a lot of angst. I would put it on the table and ask what he really wants, and you tell him what you really want because if you don’t gain clarity then you’ll continue to end up in limboland, like you are now, with the next one if this one doesn’t get off the ground.

You’re putting too much emotional energy into this situation for a FWB. You’re overthinking and fretting about what he’s doing. What Angiebaby said: “There’s no way anyone here can possibly know what his reasons are for texting you and not mentioning hooking up. There should be open communication in FWB and if you can’t ask him directly then maybe this is the wrong guy or the wrong type of situation for you.”

Honestly most women are not cut out for FWB. Most women can’t help getting emotionally attached after sex. This guy is FWB, which means he’s casual, and will see you when it’s convenient for both of you. If it’s not convenient for him this week, he won’t ask to hook up. You should be able to just ask him directly, like Angiebaby said. But I also advise that you seriously rethink whether this situation is right for you.

And yes, this does sound a lot like Sonia from the other post…..

@Marcia — I’m in the same situation – married a long time, and in need of attention.

To the group, question:
I have been “dating” this guy on and off for about 2 years. I enjoyed seeing him because it was easy and there was no discussion of the relationship.

Month ago, I asked him to take a walk, he agreed but when the day came, he did not respond. Finally he let me know, that he was emotionally unavailable, but happy to have sex. And that he was serious about this

He came over 2 weeks ago.We spent about four hours together, and the best part was the pillow talk. He never responded to my “thank you for a nice afternoon,” but responded to other things.

We made a another plan to get together, but when the time came to plan date/time, he never responded, but again responded to other stuff.

Clearly, he’s not even interested in a NSA, but seems to enjoy the attention.

Question:

Do i just disappear and let things die and see if he gets back to me?
Do i ask him one more time to get together and then be resolved?
Do i just say goodbye and tell him to contact me if he’s ever serious?

Thanks all

Marcia, I was in the same position you were after ending a 20+ year marriage. I understand how difficult it is to go from wife and mom, to single and trying to fill the void with someone else. I tried dipping my toe in the dating pool but quickly found out it wasn’t the answer and that I needed to be OK with being alone while also working on myself. I read a lot of positive self-help books, joined meetup, joined a co-ed softball team, took on hobbies such as the gym, puzzles, and focusing on my career, etc. In a nutshell, I became selfish where it was all about me instead of catering to everyone else’s needs. It was life changing where I found inner peace, harmony and happiness for the first time in a very long time and it wasn’t with someone else but achieved by myself :o)

What I learned is that you are responsible for your happiness, not someone else, and if it doesn’t make you happy then you remove it from your life. I would take being happy and single over a relationship that makes me unhappy or miserable any day of the week! With some *you time* (being single) you will get there and once you have it you will then find it infinitely harder to give it up haha. This is why an FWB worked for me about a year after my divorce because I was thoroughly enjoying my newfound independence (singlehood) while carefully choosing a man I wouldn’t emotionally attached too because if you can’t then its not going to work.

After a couple short-term relationships and FWB’s, I finally met a man, about 10 years post divorce, who was able to win me over but he had to work really hard for it lol. What started out as “a fling” evolved into a relationship and we’ve been together over 6 years now. I would forgo any FWB until you are mentally stronger. Dip your toe into the dating pool (no sex) every six months or so to see where your emotional state is before engaging in any FWB or relationship first. Don’t want to latch onto too many wrong guys or your self-esteem, worth and confidence will get all messed up.