Is my FWB Jealous or Just Losing Interest

Who knows. I don’t think he’s losing interest, but treating you like a FWB. Because someone treats you sometimes like a maybe girlfriend when its convenient, doesn’t necessarily mean he has deeper feelings to pursue anything serious. And it is possible to get jealous over people that you don’t want to date seriously in a FWB situation. I’ve been in FWB where the lines get blurred, and it doesn’t always mean there are deeper feelings, but that we all like the idea and convenience of having someone to do more boyfriend/girlfriend things when we aren’t seeing someone seriously. All this to say, you can’t assume these are signs he has deeper feelings, or wants something serious.

Forget him, I’d be more concerned about your mixed feelings…..you went along that you were okay with a FWB but now you’re not? If not, why do it? Come clean with him, tell him you’re looking for a more serious relationship (don’t stipulate with him, but in general), that you haven’t been seeing anyone serious but would like to, and stop seeing this guy. If he wants to step up to the plate and try, let him, but if he doesn’t, then NEXT. And don’t be surprised if he doesn’t step up. From what you’ve said usually if a guy wants you for a girlfriend, he’ll try a little harder and as you say not send you funny memes when you might be in ‘trouble’.

(Also, think hard: this guy doesn’t like making out and going down? In my book, not boyfriend material, but to each his own.)

THANK YOU guys so much for this! You all make extremely good points.

Kelis,

There’s a part of me that likes that he is jealous, because it makes me think he somewhat cares about me. But I don’t like that it seems to be driving us apart when it seemed so unjustified from my end. It’s just, sometimes he goes maybe a couple of days without texting me, and when I ask him where he’s been or if he’s OK, he laughs at me and says, “oh you’re obsessed, we don’t have to text every day, I was at the dentist” or whatever. Like if he can go AWOL and come back like nothing happened, then I can go AWOL too. And two funny pictures weren’t going to raise me from the dead in that difficult time. If he had called or was concerned in his texts it would have played out very differently.

And when I texted him again, I told him in detail what had been going on in my life, and everything went back to normal, but I guess the rift opened up again when he asked me to hang out that weekend and I said no.

Love,

In the beginning I wanted something more with him, but there are things about him that just aren’t boyfriend material, so when he didn’t ask to be official after two months (and we were pretty passionate and loving and tender with each other those first few months) I was disappointed but I wanted to keep spending time with him, and I gave into this arrangement because in the end I was getting everything I wanted – just without the title.

Nat,

I’m definitely going to try out the things you said. You are right – I will start telling him how much I appreciate him. I haven’t done that in a very long time. In loo of just telling him I’m not seeing anyone else, I will just keep him more updated on my life like I used to. And yes, I know these arrangements don’t end well.

He just sounds like a normal FWB to me.

Men are territorial. They like to think they’re your only one, even if you’re not their only one. Yes it can mean he’s jealous but it can also mean he’s just checking on what you’re up to because no man likes the thought of the woman he’s having sex with having sex with someone else. My FWBs have also checked up on me but it didn’t mean anything.

The same with the jokes about not hearing from you. He could have been genuinely upset or he could
have been a bit disgruntled but that as it.

I do agree with Nat though that you’re playing with each other’s emotions. Why don’t you just talk about it before you mess up what you have or get too attached.

I think your gut is right though. A guy who only sees you once a week and hasn’t spoken about feelings at all is likely to be thinking of you as a FWB.

I have a different take on this– he jokes about these things precisely too make sure that you DONT take this arrangement too seriously– that stuff about you having a boyfriend and you are cheating on the BF with him and pizza, etc.

i think he is mildly jealous, playing silly games, and also bascially using you for sex.

he hates making out/kissing? Why would you want to be with someone like that? Does he just bend you over and jam it in?

MariaTheOriginal, L

You bring up a VERY interesting take on this. I actually thought of that too, because about a few weeks ago, he was acting REALLY mean and annoying to me after I said something like, “I think you’re great; I love spending time with you”. After I said that he just started joking around non-stop and making fun of me (which we do to each other alot, but this time was just TOO much and at one point it went to far). And I read somewhere that boys sometimes try to make YOU upset with them, so you break it off yourself and they don’t have to.

And maybe his joking about me having a boyfriend, claiming over and over again that h’es just a side piece, is a message to ME, to take this FWB relationship exactly as it is, and expect nothing from him. Idk.

Yeah, and the not wanting to kiss thing is a way of avoiding intimacy — you know how prostitiutes supposedly don’t kiss?

I love a man with a good sense of humor, but there are men that used constant joking around as a way of keeping you at an emotional distance– especially when it takes on a mean-ish streak, like the way your brother might tease you or something.

I don’t think he wants more– and the fact that you are analyzing it to the extent that you are leads me to think that you would like him to want more– even if you don’t, I think you are feeling kinda dismissed and used…

Waye, I think he is conflicted. He has feelings for you but there is something about you that makes him want to keep you at a distance. Try to figure out what it is. I asked different men before why this happens? And the answer I got was, you can be in love with a woman but KNOW that she has some quality or something about her that it will not work out in the long term, she is not the “one”.

I know that very well, as I myself loved a man who was not a BF or HB material, not even close. I loved him deeply but would have never married him, so to be fair to him we kept it very casual, and it did not end well, as you have probably guessed already. I am not saying you are not GF material, I am just saying there is some reason. So try to find out what it is. Asking directly would put him in a very uncomfortable spot. Try to discern this on your own.

I don’t think many people WANT someone to break up with them. It is very rare, so I doubt he is doing all that so that you break up with him. He maybe sabotaging things semi-consciously but if he wanted to break up he would have done that already.

If you are able to keep it casual then enjoy what’s there. It won’t last long anyway.