Is she a rebound?

A couple options:

1) Mail his stuff to him. (Be polite and friendly about it)
2) arrange for a friend to be there when he picks his stuff up. Prep her on what to say if he asks about you (something short, sweet, and positive).

It sounds like the cost of postage might be worth your emotional well-being?

If he makes a direct request to talk and clear things up, then you can decide if you want to engage in that.

I wouldn’t project too much meaning onto this …..if he wants an “excuse” to talk, he will find you. Picking up his stuff could also be a sign that he really is moving on and giving you the chance to do so as well.

Just let him know you need some space right now if he asks….you can do this all in a gentle and self-respecting way. I just would hate for you to hope for a reconciliation of some sort when he comes by and then feel completely devastated if it doesn’t happen. It seems like you really need a chance to heal from this. I have made the mistake of attempting a reconciliation too quickly, before I myself had had the time (months) to grow and change. It sounds to me like for you to have a good relationship with him or anyone in the future, a lot of time, space, and growth is necessary. Even if he did come back begging to get back together, it would be too soon…..you both have so much growing to do before you can even know if you were right for each other. Restarting now seems like it would just repeat the cycle of drama, whereas you really need (and deserve) the time and space to grow and move on from who you have been.

If you are meant to be, I don’t think taking space gently and with self-respect and compassion will blow your chances. Seeing him now may just set both of you back when really what you need is time and space to heal and grow.

Others may have much better advice but this is personally what I would do.

Like you said above, there’s no way to know what’s going on in his head, you can only do what’s best for you.

maisie’s post is great. it overlapped mine !

AWW Maisie I love you. Your posts are really good.

AND YES CLAIRE.. HE WILL be back, if you do No Contact… as Maisie said.. THEY ALL COME BACK !

Oh gosh, what if his mum starts fishing for information about whether i’m dating etc though, and what if she says something about him and the ex he is hanging around with? Oh heck!

Maybe I should just remain strong and see him? I wouldn’t push for a reconciliation I know that, i’d just let him collect his things. It would hurt but i’d get through it i’m sure. I just think leaving his bag round the side or getting someone else to give it to him looks like i’m still really affected by this and I don’t want him to think that. As much as i’d rather not see him I can’t stop him from getting his stuff and hiding or getting someone else to pass it to him seems a bit like I can’t control my emotions. I think i’m just going to have to see him and expect nothing more than passing his stuff over. It will feel like crap but I know I can do it and remain to appear calm. If he does push for anything more it will be a firm no for now as I know it’s the right time. I doubt he will ask for another chance at this stage but if he does I will just tell him him that I think we both need more time.

I’m finding my self getting a bot excited about seeing him though and i’m just going to have to push that feeling right down.

My ex recently contacted me out of the blue and said he was moving and had a few of my things if i wanted to come and collect them. although i am totally over him, i didnt want to engage in conversation so I politely asked him to leave them outside and id collect them at a time when i knew he’d be at work!

Claire,

Breaking contact and seeing him will set you BACK to square one and will have to start the grieving process all over again! Do not see or talk to him. Just tell him where you will place the suitcase, go to the store or do something, and let him come pick it up.

He made it clear that all he wants is his “stuff” because if he was considering a reconciliation he would have come right out an said “sorry, I miss and love you terribly and want us to try again”. Trust me on this, you will only torture yourself all over again and its not worth it. Been there, done that, won’t make that mistake every again.

Myself.. I’d leave the 1st sentence OUT.. as it shows you care/he’s affecting you.

See what all the other’s think.

Yeah I agree, just short and it still sounds polite. Doesn’t leave any space for him saying “yeah I’m great”.
Also, well done you for joining all these new activities! Amazing! When my ex broke up with me, I came on this site and it inspired me to change myself and gain confidence exactly the same way that you are doing! Go you :)

Thanks Ladies,

As I wasn’t sure what to say before I got all of your responses I have just stalled him until the end of the week for now. I replied saying I didn’t know what my plans were for next week yet and so I would get back to him at the end of this week to let him know. He just replied saying that was fine and he could come whenever suited me best.

I feel rubbish today. I think I feel like him collecting his stuff signifies that it really is the end. To be honest I could have coped with the breakup reasonably well but it’s his contact with his ex that sticks the knife in the most. Pretty much all of my friends have said that they thin I should see him and actually find out what his situation is with her, rather than sitting around fretting about it. I’m nit sure if it matters though, even if they are just friends now who’s to say it wouldn’t progress into something down the line and that is really none of my business and is out of my control.

I miss him terribly. I was thinking of all the laughs we had last night. It really hurts. It’s been two months on and i’m still in pain. I wish this would go away. I love him so much and yet I wish I could just forget him.

Claire, you need to think about bad times and how much you deserve to be treated so much better. Yeah its nice to think about yous laughing….but its not good to focus on that. That being said, it is good to allow yourself to feel hurt for a little while as it is important to start moving on with life.

Good idea on stalling him until you figure out what you want to do. Shows you are too busy. You are going through a grieving process, so it will need to end at some point so dont leave it too long.

I’m sorry that you are so hurt :( its not nice at all. But dont you think, it obviously wasnt meant to be if you are feeling this way and are in this situation now. I know its a crappy feeling and I’m sure you want to know if he feels the same.

But what if you met up again and he didnt give you the responses you wanted….it would be alot harder on you.

In a couple of months you’ll look back and think “wow I am so much better off now!” Thats what happened to me because I didnt contact him, deleted his number, had him blocked on facebook after seeing pictures of him with girls and just generally tried so hard to focus on myself. It wasnt easy and I met someone else without even meaning to!

REBECCA’s QUOTE :

In a couple of months you’ll look back and think “wow I am so much better off now!” Thats what happened to me because I didnt contact him, deleted his number, had him blocked on facebook after seeing pictures of him with girls and just generally tried so hard to focus on myself. It wasnt easy and I met someone else without even meaning to!

THAT…. happened me a few weeks ago. Officially OVER my first love.. now have to move on from this guy. LOL.

2 rejections in 3 mths Claire. .and I’m still standing, stronger than ever, NOT willing to accept crumbs or a crap elationship !

NEVER.. want a man who does NOT want you !

I meant ride( have sex ) instead of rise him.. but sure I’ll RISE him too…. or at least parts of him !