Is there any hope at all?

Girl!!!! Snap out of it. That is a very sad story. Where is your dignity? There is definitely no hope of you getting any respect or a relationship. Stop disrespecting yourself and abandoning yourself to this person. He is not even a good man. How do I know this? Good men would not have taken what you offered because they know you want more. Bad men say… oh, she’s back, she must know what she is signing up for. Never again ever contact a man who dumps you.

He is being honest with you!!! Know this — men would NEVER tell a girl they liked that they don’t want a relationship. They wouldn’t chance losing her. Women should NEVER accuse a man of using her for sex after he’s been honest where he’s at – and yet you continue to engage with him. Men are very able to separate sex and romance. He may want your body but he does not want to date you. He was honorable by not contacting you for a while – then you started the communication again. I don’t mean to be harsh but NO there is no hope. He isn’t choosing you or courting you. Develop self love so that you never have to deal with this again. You can train yourself to be turned OFF by men who don’t desire you. It’s takes effort and commitment – but you can do it.

There is no way to turn this around. He’s started he does not want a relationship…end of unfortunately

Its really a good thing to try to become a more confident and less ‘needy’ woman. It would also be a good thing to hear and listen what a guy says. If he says he doesnt want to commit it means he doesnt want to commit. If you chose to have sex with him anyway, he will proces this as that you are with casual sex. So do try to change but for yourself, not to reform this guy. Playing not needy is just as needy as being needy

Thanks all for the advice. He said that he enjoyed our conversations and my company. He has opened up to me a lot more than other people. He is physically attracted to me. He wanted to spend time with chatting, having coffee, walks etc. I thought what made him not interested was me being too needy and pushed him to progress…

Yes, you are really needy. Healthy women would have not contacted him after the first dumping. You you were needy and he took advantage, both at the same time.

You are not getting cause and effect here. You did push him away. We don’t know what happened the first time you were seeing each other, but my guess is this was not new in some form. Next time a man is not starting to act and sound like a boyfriend by 6 weeks, dump him. Not that he is, but he is growing what is between you and planting the seeds.

I honestly do not think you should be dating.

You appear to be very young and naive, especially about how hormones affect woman and men very differently that causes a lot of confusion.

Men do not have the hormones women do, and their brains are wired differently too which is why you will fail if you attempt to adopt yours to theirs. They are loaded with is testosterone which is why they are *sexually* driven and not emotionally driven like women are with estrogen. These are two different and competing hormones which is why a man can have sex with a different woman and never develop any *emotional feelings* for her. They are able to do this because their brain is wired differently too! Theirs is like a waffle that has a lot of different compartments (sexual, hearing, visual, smell, emotional, etc.) and sizes where they can only be in one compartment at a time…this is why they have a hard time hearing you when they are engrossed in a football game (takes them a few seconds to jump from their listening compartment to visual, and vice versa).

Due to the high level of testosterone they produce their *sex compartment* is like the size of TEXAS, and their emotional region is like the size of Rhode Island. Since women don’t produce the level of testosterone men do, their brain emits a high level of emotions produced by estrogen that’s like the size of Texas and their sexual drive is closer to Rhode Island. Men can have a 100 thoughts of sex a day where a woman MIGHT have one or two to put it in perspective for you!

In a nutshell, this man’s mind lives in TEXAS and has no desire to travel to Rhode Island to be with you. Trust me, there is NOTHING you can do to drag him to Rhode Island if his mind is adamant it doesn’t want to go there. It would be like trying to force him to climb Mt. McKinley if he hates hiking, or swimming from Germany to England if he can’t swim—that’s the kind of mental hurdle you’re dealing with. His mind is in control of how he feels and all its feeling is a friendship level, the same way he feels for his other friends, male or female. Of course he would be HAPPY for you to travel to see him in Texas (for some sex) but it will only be for a brief visit as he has no desire to travel to Rhode Island because he loves living in Texas. Hope this helps you to better understand some of the confusing differences between the sexes that you need to learn or you’ll be in Texas in a lot.

People sell that stuff, 25 texts that get him hooked, talk to his reptile brain etc. I do recommend the book why men love b!tches though. There is some logic behind it, mainly being an independant woman who knows what she wants and let men chase her, does attract guys. But you need some sort of connection and also something special that is you. You dont have that. Sexting and sex made him special to you but not the other way around (what lane explained). Meanwhile when you try to show your not needy side out of needyness, will make you look desperate. What i said before and what K said. Just accept its over, thats the best not needy attitude you can have here

He is jealous about my male colleagues. He has shown his vulnerability in front of me even though he is a very private person and he rarely does that to anyone. He teases me all the time and we really had good times together. I just thought that I didn’t give him enough space to pursue me but instead I threw myself into him. I thought that was the main reason why he lost his interest. All I wanted to know is whether I can do anything to reverse the damage done.

You are doing the exact same thing here, like you did with that guy: you are not listening at all. I dont think youre unstable, i think you totally underestimated your hormones once you had sex with this guy. Youre infatuated and that makes you crazy. It will wear off. Look up oxytocin. It will explain a lot. Secondly your ego cant handle the fact he doesnt want you. But think of it: are you that special?
For me the best way to get over a guy is to say to myself every time i start to think a ‘what if’ is say: i dont not want a man that doesnt want me! And thats the start of becoming less needy/anxious

You can train yourself to stop being so anxious. And to stop being attracted to men who tell you they don’t want to be in a relationship with you. You CAN. It’s just like getting in shape physically. You have to put in the work. Do the exercises.
Becoming emotionally fit (loving yourself) takes mental exercises. Therapy, journaling, reading things like Ask Polly and male dating coach Evan Marc Katz. (I highly recommend the online book Why He Disappeared. Or the book Hes Just Not that Into You. Both great and male perspectives.)

With men always remember — it doesn’t matter what they said or did in the early stages. Their words and actions TODAY, each day are what matter. He has said he doesn’t want a relationship. You cannot win a man back that is crazy talk. This post is actually not about him at all — it’s about YOU. Please consider increasing your self love. It’s the only way to real happiness and a man who wants to be with you.

“He spent a long time talking to me and explaining where he stands. I honestly don’t understand why he did it when he didn’t have any interest in me? Isn’t it a lot easier to just disappear?”

If he is enjoying your company, and enjoying having sex with you, he will want to keep you around. Keep you on the hook, so to speak. But he has told you point blank, more than once, that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. What part of that don’t you understand?

He was perfectly fine with not seeing or contacting you for 1.5 months until you reached out to him. A man who had romantic feelings for a woman would not abstain from contacting her for 1.5 months. He does not have romantic feelings for you. He likes sex with you, and probably is getting an ego boost from the attention you’re giving him. That’s all the reason he needs to keep you around.

You’re picking apart everything he said and did in hopes that you can find some magic solution to change his mind. That doesn’t work. You’re overcomplicating things. Men are actually pretty simple, if they want to be in a committed relationship with you, they make it clear.

Whether this guy has commitment issues is beside the point. Who cares what his issues are? He’s said he doesn’t want a relationship with you and that’s all you need to know. You’re wasting your energy obsessing over what he said/did, or what you could have said or done differently.