Is there any hope of fixing this?

So… Did you go on a date?

Cliff’s notes answer: No, you can’t fix this. More importantly, you shouldn’t want to fix this. Why are you chasing a guy who has stopped speaking to you & made it clear he doesn’t want you?

You’ve known him 5 months. You had a life before you knew him. You *can* imagine life without him– you were living just fine before him. I know that sounds flippant but it’s over the top to say you can’t live without some guy you knew 5 months who has totally rejected you.

Work on your insecurities & do some personal reflection to figure out why you desperately want someone who wants nothing to do with you. I think that’s the best thing you can do in this situation.

It sounds like you are bit *intense* and pushy too which could be why you’ve had a difficult time making and maintaining connections. When a man doesn’t want to date you it means he doesn’t have the romantic feelings he needs to pursue something with a woman. He didn’t have them for you and that’s the nuts and bolts of it.

In the future, when a man clearly states he doesn’t want to date you but be *a friend* then don’t be his friend if you want more than what he’s offering you. You deceived him by pretending to be his friend knowing you were secretly manipulating him into something else (a relationship) and why it backfired.

This is not fixable because there is no meeting of the minds here—he doesn’t want a relationship and you do. It really is for the best because you can’t pretend to be a friend when you’re pining for him romantically. I know it royally sucks but you will survive and now open to meet the man who wants you romantically.

Lora, you have received some good advice but you don’t sound interested in listening to it. Not sure why you posted if you were going to argue with every person who responded to you.

Lora, I’m sorry but I call BS on him. Men dont need this much time for things to “progress into something.” A lot of the time we rapidly figure out if we see a future with a woman. Anywhere from days to weeks. Not 5 months. And mind you I’m not one of those stereotypical men that’s “sure about everything.” I feel undecided about various things- but never women. And if I do, it generally means an inner conflict between lust versus conscience

Idk. Your descriptions of his hesitance give me strong companionship or no-commitment/no pressure/no expectations vibes. Which can be a very attractive relation to have.

There was a time in my 20s I used to think “I wish that girl didnt come on to me so strongly and ruin things” but after a lot of introspection over the years I realized that has no impact on changing whether I see a future with her or not.

Even the acquaintance I met immediately after my breakup. I originally thought I was not over my ex and so the “timing wasnt right” so I didnt go for her. But even today if I met someone like her, I still wouldnt pursue her for anything other than pleasing my loneliness.

As much as you want to blame yourself, which I understand. I doubt you did anything wrong except fast-forwarding the inevitable

Lora, you can argue with me and the others all you want but you can’t pull the wool over the eyes of those who not only understand how men operate but women too.

Your story has been written and tried by millions of women around the world, including myself when younger, so its easy to read through the lines. Women have tried to manipulate men into relationships/marriages for eons but over the past century they no longer have families, shotguns, churches or social norms forcing men into them today. Men now have full control of their romantic destiny and there’s nothing a woman can do but accept it.

Anderson gave you good info. from the male perspective; which many of us posting here have learned, the hard way, how men operate. What you did was an attempt to “lead a horse to water but he didn’t want to take a drink.” The man, especially today, NEEDS to be the one leading you to the water and trying to get you to drink it, if he’s not, then you let go of the reins and walk away.

The reason why this “friendship” won’t work for YOU is because you will be stuck in an unrequited loveship always hoping he will change his mind. What would truly break you is when he tells you he’s going on a date with a lady he talked to on the first “hello” and continues to date her (see’s a future) at which point he will naturally cut you out of his life as all his time and energy will be devoted to her. That will torture you far more than what you’re dealing with now, so ACCEPT HIS GIFT; and mourn it so you can have an open heart for the man who does see a future with you.

Lora, for future reference – and this is true across all of life – if it’s not a yes, it’s a no. Someone who isn’t sure, uncertain, etc. and has not come forward and said I want you is saying NO. You don’t wait for those people or hand them your power.

And sadly, this guy was not really a good friend if he wouldn’t give you a straight answer when you asked.

You two didn’t want the same thing and this was going to end. Trust me you’re better off without him even though you don’t see it that way. You don’t meet the right man with a “friend” you have a thing for in the picture. And when he meets someone else you will be crushed he picked someone else and not you. You’re better off not dealing with that scenario.

I don’t think anyone really meant to attack you. You’re getting some very frank advice. Your story is a common situation here and I think people mean to help you wake up so you can move past this guy.

Lately there have been a lot of people posting the same question repeatedly so that’s why Emily questioned you. Don’t take it personally.

Maybe there are details you didn’t give in your post and that’s why the advice isn’t gelling with you. Is there any hope of fixing it? If he responds to you and you have a frank discussion. You should talk to him and find out rather than asking for advice from strangers, as I honestly don’t know the intricate details of what happened between you and he.

I don’t understand why you are so myopically focused on this point? Ok, so you weren’t secretly pining for him and had a sudden “ah ah” romantic moment 5 months later. Feel any better?

Bet you don’t because it doesn’t change or detract from the hard cold truth that he never felt that “ah ha” moment with you. He decided it was in his best interest to move on as you, and he, are now operating under two competing mindsets. He simply didn’t want to deal with the emotional aspect of being your romantic object of desire knowing he didn’t have those type of feelings for you.

His choice to remove himself from this sticky situation. There is nothing *you* can say or do to change his mind once its been made. Any change MUST come from him as he’s the only one who knows what’s best for him and how he came to the decision he did. I know it hurts and you aren’t looking at it as *a gift* right now because your emotions are still too raw. However, in time, when they’ve had some time to calm down, you will reflect on this with a clearer head and acknowledge it really is for the best as you would be constantly walking on eggshells worrying about saying something wrong; stuffing your feelings down; and that’s not a happy or healthy way to live.