Is there hope this will be more or am I wasting my time?

You need to take him at his word here. His actions are implying that there might be some remnants of feelings & comfort with you BUT he himself is admitting that he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship. Part of him MIGHT want you, but part of him DEFINITELY doesn’t (or else why is he on apps & not upfront w/ you about his feelings?). Until he determines what he wants, the limbo will remain and you’ll be wasting your time hoping that it’ll turn out in your favor.

the way i see things? first and foremost you need to figure out what you want!and what do you want from this man? once that happens only then you would know how to tread and what boundaries to be set. unlike the earlier poster, i don’t see this as just a FWB situation.i get the feeling both of you are still connected and interested in each other and dont really know what you guys want from each other.

You don’t talk about how things got toxic in the past, just that they did. But my assumption based on your post is he’s got a bunch of issues that make him afraid of a real, committed relationship. There are people who do “come here, go away” relationships because they feel what they perceive as a loss of feelings when the relationship is too close or intimate or serious or long-term or whatever, and they do all sorts of distancing to get comfortable enough to tolerate it. But if things end totally, they’re scared of losing you completely, reconnect to their loving feelings as the too much intimacy fear dissipates, and then come back… often downgrading things to dating or FWB but not a labeled relationship as a way of keeping you around in a way they can tolerate (because it’s one foot in one foot out to keep the intimacy fears in check). People like this do have a bond with you, but they can’t show up completely because of their own issues, not because of you. Yet they’ll take whatever you’re willing to accept and put up with. This dynamic only changes if they get real help for their issues and are committed to working through their own problems, or if you leave and move on.

Are you looking for a serious commitment, spouse and kids? If so, he’s not it, not right now maybe not ever. He’s showing you exactly what his capacity is for relationships, and it’s what you’ve got now. If you aren’t looking for a relationship that’s going to go the distance, you can stick around. But having been in multiple situations like this in my life when I really wanted a serious relationship that could lead to marriage and kids, it was always a waste of my time to get stuck in these situations with exes after a breakup. It wasn’t about staying connected and slowly working our problems out because we really loved each other as I believed at the time, as the problems were actually about their relationship fears that were unrelated to me and happened earlier in life, and about my not feeling secure enough to think I could do better. As soon as I got my side sorted out and left tepid guys like this, I not-so-magically found a wonderful man who is all in.