Is this a big deal?

How long have you been seeing this guy?

Do you really want to date a smoker?
Is this a deal breaker for you?

You’ve only met him twice. I’d say it’s a red flag, not that he’s an intentional liar but that he’s “aspirational.” He sees and describes himself as he wants to be rather than as he actually is. Which can mean, he lies to himself. If this seems accurate about him, I’ve dated people like that and they mean well but tend to carry shame and sabotage themselves, making them difficult and painful to date (because they’re really not ready to show up maturely for a relationship). So decide if smoking is a dealbreaker and if you see any other inconsistent behavior with him, but after only 2 dates I’d strongly consider just not seeing him again.

U hv just met twice.. so hold back from formin any opinion as yet. Some people enjoy smoking occasionally. Meet him a few tms and then figure.

A non-smoker doesn’t use tobacco products, ever. The only slack I’d cut someone is the guy who has the very occasional cigar when he’s out with his guy friends.

So to put on his profile that he’s a non-smoker is a LIE. And a pretty big one. Me, I will not date a smoker, period – it’s a dealbreaker. He knows most people feel that way so he’s chosen to lie and try to fudge his way around it, which is selfish manipulation. If it were that important to him, he’d quit before he put himself out there. Or he’d just put down that he’s an occasional smoker, which is the truth.

The fact that he told you he’s a social smoker but has to go smoke by himself TWICE in your presence (that’s not very social, to leave you sitting there while he smokes and then comes back reeking of of it) indicates he still is lying, he smokes more than he’s willing to admit to you or himself.

I had someone pull the same thing – on the second date, he came smelling of smoke and I said something and he told me he’d just been around someone who had been smoking. He said he used to smoke but quit a long time ago, because he had a stent in his heart. On the third date, he smelled of smoke again and this time he confessed he’s been stressed lately and has been having a cigarette here and there. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and he pleaded he was trying to quit and I said, you weren’t honest on your profile when you said you’re a non-smoker. I don’t deal with liars or smokers, both dealbreakers.

I absolutely cannot stand the smell of smoke. If that’s how you feel, end it. I also have enough experience with liars that I don’t stick around to be lied to again. Me, I’d drop him – doesn’t matter how nice he is otherwise. There are other nice guys who have no issue with telling the truth about their smoking status. But in the end, it’s up to you how much you tolerate. I’d bet money though that if he lies about this, he lies about other things.

Men tend to lie about height and women tend to lie about weight on dating profiles. That’s not such a big deal. I’ve seen people lie about age so they don’t get screened out on search – that’s a gray area to me. I had one guy say he was 38 when he was 41 because he didn’t want to be screened out at the 40 cutoff. Which I do kind of understand, however its’ someone’s right to decide what age group they want to screen for. I went out with him a few times and it turned out he was fine about fudging on a lot of things that were a bigger deal to me, so I ended it after 2 months.

Over time I developed stronger boundaries and higher standards. It’s up to you, I will say again.

I hv many frnds who smoke occasionally when they out drnking with frnds. At times maybe 1/2 cigarettes at work. But they hv this habit under control. I too at times enjoy smoking when out drnking with frnds. But am not addicted and definitely not a smoker.

I am also very clear. I dont mind occasional smoking but will not date regular smokers since i cant stand men reeking of smoke 24×7.

So meet him a few tes and then take a call.

Two dates is nothing. You don’t know this guy. Anyone can be sweet and kind and treat you well for 2 dates. I’m only saying that so you don’t have rose-colored glasses about him.

The fact is, he lied on his dating profile. Someone who feels the need to smoke 2 cigarettes in the space of an hour (as you described) is definitely a smoker. I understand that people might have a cigarette now and then when they’re out drinking, for example, but not consider themselves a smoker. However this guy sounds like he is (he has cigarettes in his home; he felt the need to smoke 2 cigs in an hour! He’s a smoker).

I agree with the others that you have to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you. As has been mentioned, people lie on dating profiles often….they might lie about their height, their age, etc. I bet this guy lied because a lot of women wouldn’t want to date a smoker.