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- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 6 months ago by
Khadija.
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Becca
My boyfriend has done something that gave me pause that I couldn’t trust him. He cancelled plans on me this weekend because he didn’t like my reaction. I asked him if he wants to stop seeing me or needs space? He said something along the lines of needing space and he is going through a lot. I explained in a few texts what him pulling away from me has done to me. He didn’t respond. I said well? And he replied “Wth? this defeats the purpose If i’m on the phone all the time. I’ve agreed with everything you’ve said, I can’t do constant reassurance” Did he break up with me? I haven’t heard from him in hours. And that was how it was left. Should I assume that is his way of a breakup? I haven’t said anything since.
Ewa
hang on, he did something wrong and he is now manipulating you , so you think you have done something wrong?
He clearly has someone else , so yes he is gone, but not because of your reaction , because he already checked out probably weeks agoRaven
What did he do that caused you not to trust him?
Becca
Well, a lot. I noticed he updated his Bumble saying he wants “casual, fun dates.” I asked him if we are seeing other people right now, he said it was just an update that the site prompted him. I said we didn’t have that discussion or agreement. I actually screen shot it and sent it to him. He then said I was accusing him and I was trying to create a “gotcha” moment when he told me he was already exhausted and in a bad mood. We did say we could date other people but it would be a discussion before that would happen. So basically the whole weekend he said he was tired and emotionally exhausted and cancelled on me. Then Sunday I said that this was making me feel emotionally unsafe and it would take repair, I didn’t want a push-pull relationship. Well, he wrote back that he couldn’t give me constant reassurance. ???
Maddie
Are you both young? He sounds immature. Why aren’t you having important relationship conversations face to face or at least on the phone? Texting is the worst way to discuss things like this with a boyfriend. Although he clearly wants space now so you’re going to have to give him some before you talk again. But if he’s updating his dating profile while having a girlfriend, he’s also already acting inexcusably, so instead of trying to talk again you may be wise to just ditch him rather than asking if he broke up with you. Don’t pursue someone you can’t trust.
Becca
Well, we don’t talk on the phone. Like ever. We are both in our forties. We have been seeing each other since Jan. He didn’t bother trying to meet up in person, as he cancelled all weekend. Yeah, I can’t trust him. Also, not even talking it through and deciding to be “mad” at me is ridiculous.
Becca
I know when someone wants to be with you, they make an effort and don’t gaslight.
Raven
You two are in your 40’s?!
YOU dump him & move on. He’s wanting to see other women.
Tallspicy
Ok, tough love time. This man is not your boyfriend if you are both open to dating others. And this is a you problem because you have chosen someone who early and often was obvious that he would make you feel unsafe. Instead of saying… this guy is making me feel unsafe, I will explore with one or two questions to clarify and move on, you decided if you ask him enough, he might change.
If a man’s words and actions are inconsistent, you believe the less committed one.
This is indeed a breakup, but pretty unclear if you were ever really together and that is on you if you want something real.
Khadija
Yes, he’s seeing other people. Move on please.
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