Is this a one sided relationship or am I too demanding?

Im really sorry but i dont see any perspective to make this stronger. He doesnt seem interested and i dont know about you but if for example someone was trying to make me more attached when im not feeling it, i couldnt do it. Can you?
All you do is complain about him and his interest level. Never do that, refuse to accept it and move on to be single again. This guy doesnt want to really commit and he is telling and showing you on all levels.

Why assume she is driving home? This guy is getting sex on tap with zero effort…

Yep

he seems not interested and it is quite convenient for him that you drive there because he doesn’t have to do anything.
I understand he is on call, but no one can be on call every day or even every week.
I know it is hard to let someone go but you should try and find someone who lives locally.

You are not happy, in a relationship that is only 5 months old. You do talk on a daily basis so thats ok. But him making plans with friends in stead of you around valentine’s day is the most telling about his interest level.

Unless he is in general a really passive guy and you really like passive guys would this work. In your case i think no

What Newbie said: “him making plans with friends instead of you around valentine’s day is the most telling about his interest level.” That speaks volumes.

And Ewa is right– no one is on call every day, or even every week. My bf works in an industry where he’s on call for 1 week at a time, but he’s not even on call every month. Maybe every 6-8 weeks or so. I understand different industries have different structures, but I don’t see how he can be on call “half the time”.

You’ve been dating 5 months and he makes no effort. He doesn’t initiate plans. You make the effort to drive to see him and when you arrive, he doesn’t even have a date planned, you just sit on his couch. It sounds to me like you’re an easy source of companionship for him. You drive to him at his convenience, you make few demands, you’re available to text and talk on the phone when he wants to.

LDRs are hard and in order to make them strong, it takes effort from both parties. You can’t strengthen the relationship on your own. I agree with the advice here that you should step back and stop making all the effort, and see what he does. I suspect it will fizzle out.

It sounds like you’re not demanding enough, in terms of he’s not putting in the effort to meet your needs and you’re sticking around and showing him you’ll tolerate it, even over-functioning and trying to pull his weight for him.

I think it’s fine to show a guy you like him and put in effort as long as he’s reciprocating and initiation of contact and seeing each other feels balanced. Don’t play games and hang back just to provoke a response or anything like that. But if you’ve communicated what you want and what bothers you, which it sounds like you have, and he’s said sorry a couple times but not actually changed anything?? Don’t waste your time. He knows what you want if you said it. You didn’t expect him to read your mind. And even if he really is just busy with work and it’s about his readiness for a relationship and not about how into you or not he might be? It doesn’t matter one bit. He still can’t show up as a good partner if he’s not in a headspace to prioritize a relationship or just wants a low effort one, so don’t wait around. You deserve better and if you want someone who can be present, you can find it elsewhere.

Btw, my bf drives a few hours to see me without complaint, and we always plan it in advance to both maximize the time we can spend together and be mindful of covid concerns. When we part, I always have an idea of when we’ll be seeing each other again because we already discussed it. And we text every day. It would have driven me insane to try to manage that with a go-with-the-flow guy. It would feel too uncertain and like a hassle, not a relationship with any momentum, especially 5 months in after you should have some sort of foundation already versus feeling each other out while it’s brand new. And when things come up and we need to change or cancel plans in person? We’ll try to substitute something else if we can, like a video date, and/or reschedule.

I am actually pissed off on your behalf if this guy canceled your Valentine’s Day plans and didn’t reschedule anything, send you flowers or a present, didn’t do anything to prioritize you in spite of needing to cancel for work. Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal in general, but for your first one ever and a few months into a relationship? It’s still a good excuse to show that you care about each other at a time when you should still be looking for excuses to express that. But if he’s spending time checking out other women while hiding his relationship status, it’s not that surprising. Find someone less self-centered who actually wants a partner, and doesn’t make you question yourself or feel like you’re not enough.