Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is this guy into me or just being friendly?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by Liz Lemon.
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Penny
I recently was introduced to this guy who lives in our neighbourhood through a common friend. My friend thought we could exchange business/career advices with each other as there are some overlap.
The first time we met it’s strictly business. A few days after that I asked him to join me at a dinner gathering as it’s just two blocks away from his. He couldn’t join us that night but next day he asked for a 1-1 catch up. Then we met up for the second time, grabbed a coffee and went for a walk. This time the stuff we chatted about was half work half personal, i.E. he told me about his upbringing, family dynamics, some childhood etc. we discovered we have similar tastes in arts and our favourite book is the same! This got me interested and I wanted to know him better as a person.
So I asked him to see an exhibition following our second meetup. He agreed and got both of us tickets(tho it took several days for him to follow through and I almost rain checked it with him). After the third meet-up I got some vibes from him that he might be into me or as least as curious as I am, romantically. Ok some signs I picked up:
First of all, the hangout lasted for 5 hours from 7pm to midnight. Conversations flowed easily.
After the exhibition, he asked me do you want to grab food or a drink(we didn’t plan anything post exhibit) I said I can eat it’s dinner time. He said he’s not hungry because he’d had a sandwich after a long meeting before the exhibit. I said well if we won’t have dinner then let’s just head back? He’s like, oh I can go with you to dinner just…I won’t eat. So I stayed and he went with me to grab food. And after food he suggested to have a drink nearby and I took him to a spot that I liked.
He asked me about my parents and my family dynamics growing up.
When he was telling me how his previous meeting went overrun and it wasn’t that rewarding and then he looked at me and said “until now”.
I mentioned the Sunday roast at this “historical” pub near him (we live in England) was average and asked for recommendations for good Sunday roasts in the area. He said, well I can cook {you} a pretty good one(not sure if he said “you” in this. It was pretty late). I asked how he’d have it and he detailed how he’d prepare each item in the roast. It did sound he knows his way around it.
When we walked past his place, he dropped off his bag and came out again to walk me back since “it’s late”.
I went to sniff on the lavender bush outside of his place. They were pretty high up on a small platform. He went up and snapped one for me.
I told him I appreciate him walking me back as I know he’s had a long day and must be so exhausted already. He said no worries he’s only keeping the “emotional momentum” going.
He commented on my hair accessory said he liked it.
We talked about our past relationships and shared what we’ve learned. He said he’s really good with relationships and he’s usually very caring and maybe a little bit too caring. (Now this is the only red flag I’ve picked up from this guy, as in, normally you don’t boast about how good you’re with relationships?)
He said he had a blast.
His hug was tight!
I’ve not suggested another hangout yet as I need time to recoup from the last one and figure out my feelings. We don’t really text much and I haven’t heard from him since then. My friend said I should follow up on the Sunday roast offer but that feels too much and I kinda want to wait for him to reach out this time.
If it’s relevant, this guy’s 4-5 years younger than me. Tho he’s not my usual type look-wise, intellectually I found him attractive.
Sorry I sounded like a confused teenager :p any input would be appreciated!
PennyI should add that, he also said to me once that he’s naturally flirtatious and had to learn to hold it back a little some it had caused some misunderstandings in the past.
Liz LemonWhat strikes me is this– you’ve gone out twice (your first meeting was a business meeting). You asked him out both times. The 2nd meeting almost didn’t happen because he slacked on getting tickets to the exhibition you asked him to (which shows lack of interest).
Now it’s been what, a week since your last date? And you haven’t heard from him.
Sorry to be blunt, but this screams “not interested”. A guy who’s interested in a woman contacts her and initiates dates. He is very proactive.
I’ve been in your shoes so I really sympathize. I’ve been interested in a guy, so constantly initiated hanging out, and he was always responsive and I analyzed every interaction and assumed he was interested. But he never initiated. And it just dragged on and nothing romantic ever happened.
Also, someone can find you attractive but not want to date you for whatever reason. So maybe you did sense attraction on his part, who knows. But he’s not acting on it by asking you out.
I would just leave him alone at this point. Don’t follow up on the Sunday roast. He might accept your invitation, but the only way you can gauge his interest is by letting him initiate a date with you for a change. If he contacts you about going out again, great, you can accept with warmth and enthusiasm. But you shouldn’t be the only person initiating dates.
Liz LemonOh sorry, I missed the part where he couldn’t make the dinner party you invited him to & asked for a 1-1 catch up. Still, you’re doing the majority of the initiating. Sit back and let him initiate. If he doesn’t, don’t chase him.
PennyThe second meeting was his idea. I did ask him to come to our group dinner thing but didn’t follow up after he he said couldn’t make it.
The third one I was a little put off by his slacks but wasn’t too annoyed as I didn’t expect much from a guy whom I just met twice.
We started off as friends and we are at most acquaintances. Those were not dates as far as I know that’s why I didn’t hesitate to initiate.
But he blew me a kiss when we said goodbye last time which made me think. It’s been 2 days since we hung out.
It’s been two days since last time we hung out.
MaddieWe can’t tell you if he’s into you. Only he can do that. He should ask you out and arrange and plan a proper date (especially if he’s warned you he’s sent mixed signals before by being flirty yet wasn’t direct with those past people so they read into it too much). If he can’t do that, then as Liz said, he may be attracted to you but isn’t looking to date you romantically right now. Anyone who says they’re too caring probably has some baggage from exes, and he may be trying to work that out for himself instead of dating around and starting something new right now, who knows. See if he reaches out and initiates a date with you in the next week or so and you’ll have your answer about what he’s looking for. No need to overanalyze, an interested man who is emotionally ready and really looking to date won’t leave you confused.
PennyI agree with you both! Not initiating plans and slow to respond both indicate a lack of interest, no matter how good the connection was in person.
Liz LemonJust wait and see. Who knows, maybe he’ll follow up. I have been in your shoes, it sucks when you feel a connection with a guy and he doesn’t step up.
I wouldn’t read a lot into the hug, or him blowing you a kiss. He told you he’s flirtatious. That stuff doesn’t matter if he’s not proactive about arranging dates with you.
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