Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is this inappropriate?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Debster.
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N
I have been talking to this guy through texts, phone calls, and Zoom for about 7 weeks but we never meet. We had to cancel our date when the quarantine happened. We have talked a lot.
A few days ago we were talking on the phone and he asked me out if the blue if I liked to watch porn. I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about that with someone I’ve never met and he knew I got upset. He apologized and said he just wanted to see what I liked but then he changed the topic. We talked about other things. We have still been texting over the past few days, but now I’m worried that the question was a red flag. I know we have been talking for a while but I think it is disgusting to bring this up to someone you haven’t met. If you’ve been dating, then fine. Do you think this means he only wants sex? Or am I overreacting and this is just a progression of our conversation due to being stuck inside? Just wanted some opinions. I’m not a prude by any means, just seems a bit early.
K
Since you’ve been talking a lot, it means he feels comfortable asking you about sex. I’d take it as he wants to know if you would be open to watching porn with him. It would make me uncomfortable because I don’t like porn and it’s a forward question to ask of someone you haven’t met yet. It would put me on guard and make me less interested, because if he’s asking you know it’s something he’s into. It might mean he’s just interested in sex but hard to know for sure. If this is something that’s off the menu for you, I’d just casually mention that while you understand men enjoy watching porn from time to time, it’s not something you want to participate in. And ask him straight up if that’s something he’s into, because since he brought it up you may as well find out now if this will be a dealbreaker for you.
B
He could be after some fun only but doesn’t seem like it. He wouldn’t waste 7 weeks of texting, phoning and video chatting imo. You can wait and see but there’s no harm in asking him directly what he’s looking for.
mell
If you’re dating a man, you should be able to talk about what you both want out of it ; i.e. dating or just sex. And whether they’d be open to a relationship. People can lie about it to get sex, but they usually won’t for very long.
Some people are very comfortable with porn, sexting, phone sex and video sex, and some aren’t. Personally even thuogh I’m in a relationship we don’t go beyond flirtation via media – we save the real sexy stuff for face to face. But that’s just because we’re both a bit awkward and telling a screen what you want to do to them feels awkward.
There’s no right or wrong.
T from NY
I don’t like it. Not unless you’re open to something casual. You haven’t even met yet so I find it distasteful,even though I love sex and love talking about anything sexual with someone I am dating. But that’s because I’ve vetted them to see if we’re on the same page. But give him a mulligan this one time if he’s putting in all that other effort! Men will be men sometimes. Watch and see his actions and words line up after quarantine and that he doesn’t try more sexy talk before that.
Debster
It is HIGHLY inappropriate, disrespectful and pervy. This was a test question to see if he could get some freaky video hot chats going and where your boundaries were. If you were a lady or a garden tool. THAT is what that question was all about from a man you’ve never even laid eyes on. What a jerk! I cannot believe how many people are making excuses for his behavior in this thread. Men who respect women do not talk to them like this until a relationship and intimacy has already been well established. What reason would he have to try to “know what you like” around sex when he doesn’t even “know what you like” around food, life, philosophy, books, learning, clothing, or anything else about you personally. There is no excuse for this type of conversation. He crossed boundaries and should be dismissed. He tried to play it off by changing the subject, but his true intentions have been exposed. You need to watch yourself carefully with this guy if you continue talking to him.
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