Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is this normal for a first date?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
tammy.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Lucie
I met this guy at my friend birthday, he started msging me. Our conversation was really good and he asked me out on a date. We both not seeing anyone else and I was happy with that. He took me to mini golf since I suggested, we had fun however I find there this awkwardness between us. The date continued with a nice walk in the park and he told me a lot about the time he was packaging through Europe.
I know a lot of people believe you shouldn’t bring up exes and stuff but I was curious so asked him when he dated last and how many have he dated before me. He said his been single for 5yrs now and dated 5-6 in that time. The last girl was 3 months ago but it only lasted 1 month cause the girl just stop msging. Then he told me that 2yrs ago he was dating this girl and he thought she was the one cause of the deep connection they had. But she ended up telling him she wasn’t ready for a relationship. He still tried to talk to her for a further 6 months until he decided that it wasn’t good for him since she show no interest anymore. He then said she still single even now. So now he doesn’t want to rush dating anymore and prefer to take things slow.
I find that really weird that he would tell me he had a really deep connection with another girl. Kinda made me feel like why am I here. Then I got a bit upset and jokingly said if she still single why don’t you try and date her again. Then he just said his pretty much over her now. Somehow I still feel a bit upset about it, not sure if I should be upset.
So after our walked we went for dinner. We talked more and I had fun talking to him. After dinner it seem like he wanted to do something else but ended up not knowing what to do so instead he said I’ll drop you home. Have to get home to put his nephew to bed since his sister is out. I just said ok, but find that a bit weird. I feel he wasn’t very organise with the date, like turning up a bit late, not knowing what to do next. I felt a distance between us, he didn’t try to get close.
Am I being too hard on him? Is it normal to talk about your past date like their your soul mate on a first date? He said his interested in me but I feel this weird distance between us which I can’t explain.
Sandra
Hi Lucie, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with his answer. You brought up the conversation I think he was just trying to be honest. It’s better than lying about it and you finding out later if things keep moving forward. It is a first date so just take a breath and let things flow. There is no need to get worked up or upset over a simple conversation. Everyone has a past. He felt comfortable enough to share it with you.
Raven
First dates can be awkward… Are you looking for reasons to be unhappy?
A
None of that matters because there was no connection between you two. There needs to be chemistry on a first date for anything to work out.
tammy
your thinking way too much for just one date. :-). let him contact you again and ask you out
Liz Lemon
I agree with A– you said it was an awkward date, that’s a bad sign. If there’s no chemistry on the first date, it most likely is not going to suddenly develop later on. The “weird distance” you felt was lack of chemistry.
Also I agree with Tammy that you’re overthinking it. It was one date. The first date is meant to establish whether there is chemistry or potential, which it sounds like there is not in this case. If he asks you out again you can go just to see how it goes, but I doubt it will be any better.
I personally don’t think talking about exes is proper first date conversation. It’s just the first date! Like I said, you’re just establishing if there’s a connection. You don’t need to know a guy’s dating history on the first date. There’s plenty of time to talk about that if you start actually dating regularly. That would be a huge turn off for me if a guy asked me that on a first date.
From what you’ve written I think you need to chill out a bit. I mean that in a friendly way. You’re asking this guy about his dating history and then getting upset over the answer– that’s all too heavy for a first date.
Rox
Hi Lucie,
Yes, you are being too hard on him. Sound like you went for a walk and had a nice dinner. That should be the length of a first date.
Were you expecting him to say he’s never dated and never been in love? Is that the case with you ? To me, it would be a red flag, if someone did not have a “dating history”. Yes, you should not have brought this up in the first date. He had to pick up his nephew, that says that he has responsibilities and helps out his family which is a good sign.If you liked him, it doesn’t really show in your response. Good luck!
Lily
Early signs or irrational possessiveness…
Chill and work on your jealousy issues, LucieLucie
I did have a nice time with him. It’s not that I’m jealous, I hardly know the guy. Everyone have a dating past I know that, but I’m just not sure is it normal to talk about the previous girls as if she was the one and how strong your connection was to each other. He asked me briefly about mine dating past but I only briefly told him.
I will continue talking to him and go out on more dates to see if we can form a deeper connection. So far I am a bit confuse cause even though he said his interested in me, he wasn’t very flirty or try to be close to me. It feel a lot more like two friends hanging out. However I did feel a bit nervous meeting him since he is still a stranger to me.
I know I shouldn’t bring up the past relationship, I’m actually really new to dating so I’ve learned my lesson.
tammy
there you go again. if u feel he isn’t feeling it, don’t meet. but then again if hes not feeling it, why wld he meet you again? your still doing the same thing. over analyzing and forming so many opinions after just one very casual meeting. your insecurities and your over expectations from someone you have met just once could possibly down the road spoil things for you. u need to reign in and go with the flow.
Liz Lemon
You’re saying now that you weren’t jealous, but in your original post you said you were upset by what he said. And the feeling lingered. So you did have an emotional reaction even though he is a stranger and something like that should not upset you. What we’re trying to tell you is that you can’t take a first date so seriously. If you go on a first date and the guy says something that upsets you, or if it’s awkward or you feel uncomfortable, you just move on to the next guy. You shouldn’t overanalyze.
You said he was not extremely flirty or trying to touch you and get close to you on the date. Remember, a first date is just getting to know the person and establishing if you would like to see them again. I personally think he was being respectful, keep in mind that it’s not necessarily a good thing when a guy is all over you or is super flirty on a first date! I myself find it a turn off when a guy I don’t even know is all over me.
If you don’t feel a connection with the guy, then don’t date him. It’s simple. We date to find someone we have a spark with. That’s usually few and far between. Since you’re new to dating, you will realize that you’ll go on lots of dates with guys you have no chemistry with. They may be perfectly nice guys, but you just have no spark. It happens, that’s how dating works.
tammy
i would like to share story of 2 men i met on an online dating app. one guy i exchanged nos with ages back. after few weeks of hey and hello. he disappeared. he then messaged after months to tell me that he cldnt ever get me out of his mind but he couldn’t reconnect bec of some health crisis. i said cool. he again disappeared. he then reappeared and said he had faced lots of losses in his business and hence he lost touch. i said ok. hes not again disappeared and back to say his parents are not well. lol. if i keep taking all these men seriously i will go crazy in the head. lol.
anther guy i met online just 2 days back. turns out he is married. so i said ooops you are fun to talk to and pretty good luking but your married and thats that. he said no its ok he is fine being just plain friends. yesterday he made sm flirty comment and asked me some flirty stuff. i said nope. i have already told you i am not luking for a romantic or a sexual thing with you. he got mad and said so many things. i just said hey chill and gudbye.
what am saying is take these men with a pinch of salt and just go with flow. no need to over analyse and no need to get so anxious.
-
AuthorPosts
