Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Is this petty?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
Peggy.
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B
I’ve been going on dates with a guy for almost 2 months so it’s fairly early on. We go on proper dates, he sleeps over, we text every day (but not all day as we both have busy work schedules), etc. There are delays in responses on both ends but only once or twice has we not texted me back within 24 hours. When that happened he apologized and explained why. I never minded and was chill about it. This past Thursday I took about 36 hours to respond because I was genuinely so busy with events and work and a million things going on. I didn’t think he’d mind because he does it to me sometimes. But now he’s taking 24+ hours to respond to me and is watching my Instagram story so I know he’s on his phone. I don’t need instant responses by any means and I have a full life so I’m not waiting by my phone – but my question is: do you think he was bothered by my long response time and is trying to do the same back? I personally feel like it’s a bit petty but wondering what others think. I also am wondering if it makes sense to address it or to just let it go and if the communication doesn’t improve to politely walk away.
For a bit more context – This question may seem stupid but my last relationship was very abusive and manipulative so this is the first semi-relationship I’ve had since then. I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I find that I’m still a bit unsure of what’s normal or not. Any insight is appreciated :)
Anon
Let it go- as you experienced- people are busy and cannot really respond all the time.
Liz Lemon
How often do you see this guy in person? Does he take you out on dates? After 2 months of dating, do you feel he’s escalating your connection (talking to you more, seeing you more, moving towards a commited relationship)?
These are the things you should be thinking about, not scrutinizing his texting habits.
B
Usually 1-2x/week because I’ve only been around during the week for the past month or so. Yes we go on proper dates (dinner, comedy show, drinks, etc). Communication has stayed consistent in that we speak every day but not all day. This is 24+ hour response time is not the norm and I agree that communication should pick up as things progress which is why I asked my question. Unclear if it’s losing interest, a response to my long response time, or him playing games. Sometimes it’s easier to see things when you’re not in them so I’m just asking for opinions.
tammy
i think you should just let this episode go. don’t hold on to it. The notification must have popped up and he must have read what you wrote. Maybe he did not replay bec it was mundane stuff? or at times we simply forget to reply since there was nothing definitive that was asked. but if this becomes a pattern and he makes excuses to not meet then you may have a problem.
Liz Lemon
I agree with Tammy. I’m curious why you assume he’s retaliating in some way? You’re thinking he’s not replying to you intentionally because you were busy once and took a long time to reply to him. If this is a one time thing then don’t automatically assume the worst. Maybe he’s genuinely busy. If it becomes a pattern or he seems to be fading out (seeing you less, etc) then I would say you should be concerned. Just don’t overthink this one incident.
Peggy
Hard to say if he is being deliberate in taking so long to text. Likely not. What I find interesting is that you think it is reasonable for you to not text him for 36 hours as you are busy, but do not think he could be genuinely busy too.
I also think that no matter how busy a person is, they can send a brief text…even to say “Hey, getting swamped here, I will talk again when I have more time. Have good day! ” This applies to both of you. Hard to believe you had no couple minutes in the 36 hours to send a text, but if so, extend him the same courtesy that he is so busy.. -
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