Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › It has been 7 months, what do i do?
- This topic has 24 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Sheila.
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josh
Hi everyone,
It has been 7 months since me and the girl I was seeing decided to part ways. These 7 months have been very hard for me and I think about her a lot. I thought after time went by I would begin to feel better, my feelings would slowly fade and I would be over it. However, judging by the time that has gone by and feeling the way I do, that is definitely not the case. Admittedly, some days I feel better about it and others I feel awful. About 5 months ago, we had a chat and we spoke about us and she said she misses me but now (5months ago) isn’t the right time. She also said it’s not ruled out but now isn’t the time. You are probably reading this thinking that sentence is a classic ‘string-along’ sentence and maybe you are right, but I don’t think it was intentionally meant that way. I want to contact her because the way i feel but I also think that she should be the one to contact me. Obviously time is going by and there has been nothing, this may be enough to show how she feels but i don’t know. I am really struggling with this and don’t know what to do. Like I say, it has been a very hard 7 months and all the cvoid-19 related business hasnt helped.
Let me know your thoughts, it may be very clear to some of you.
Josh
That’s the thing number 7, I do know all the details but I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to reach out but another part questions if i should. I feel like she should be the one to reach out in this circumstance but then again, she hasn’t and is that final? I just don’t know, very difficult time for me.
Betty
I would reach out to her and see where her head is at. But unfortunately there will come a point where you have to accept it is over . Sometimes things can go back and forth . I’ve never been able to let go easily . Could you try and meet other women ?
Josh
I wonder though Betty, is it worth reaching out if it’s over? Will I just make things worse for myself by reaching back out?
Betty
I mean I think enough time has passed for you to reach out . If she is the one for you , then reaching shouldn’t be a problem.
Josh
Yeah you are right. I just then think on the flip side, why hasn’t she contacted me? Does that reflect how she feels?
Zoe
Why are you not telling us why did you break up and who broke up with who?
Its the essential info hereJosh
Hi Zoe, this was a girl i was seeing for 2 years. We didn’t put an official status on it. In my first post, I mentioned that it wasn’t the right time for her.
Anderson
How old are you two?
Josh
We are young Anderson, may be able to tell?
Josh
Look guys, I think I just need to accept what’s gone. Some days I do feel like I have accepted it but others I feel awful. Still feeling like this after 7 months does worry me but it what it is.
Betty
Time will heal this Josh . Keep moving forward :)
Ss
No harm in reaching out providing you keep it light and do so without massive expectations that something will come of it. If you can’t handle being ignored or brushed off then don’t do it
Ss
No harm in reaching out providing you keep it light and do so without massive expectations that something will come of it. If you can’t handle being ignored or brushed off then don’t do it
Wendy
Josh, you must move on. This girl is no longer interested, I’m sorry.
She is unavailable to you in every respect.
If you rarely ever hear from her, she’s moved on to someone else.
Josh
I think you’re right Wendy, I do need to move on. Not sure she has moved onto someone else but that’s irrelevant anyway. Guess after 7 months I was expecting the feelings to disappear
Marty
I don’t know if this helps you, Josh, but I was in the same place as you. My girlfriend parted ways with me, and my feelings lingered for a long time. Over time, the feelings morphed from missing her to missing having ANYone.
Also, she had moved on to someone else very quickly, and within a year, she was engaged. That stung.
Honestly, I really only started feeling better when I just focused on myself. What I mean is, I worked on my own hobbies, and developed my own routine (and stuck with it). I convinced myself that the things I enjoyed were worth being happy. I made sure to keep taking care of myself, because if an opportunity for a good, meaningful relationship came along, I would be ready.
Some days, it was difficult, because those existential thoughts of “why bother?” will creep into my mind. Can’t let that happen. Keep focusing on the idea that you like yourself, you like your hobbies, and life is better when you’re in control of yourself.
I pretty much stumbled into my next relationship. Didn’t even see it coming. It’s a good thing I was taking care of myself, because it meant I was ready to just get right into the relationship without bringing along any baggage.
The wait for the next relationship sucks. But if you focus on yourself and treat yourself as worthy, then you won’t have the regret of missing that next opportunity.
Daisy
I would not reach out. She said she would reach out to you when the timing is right. Since she hasn’t reached out, she’s not ready yet. And quite frankly, you may be waiting forever. Best thing for you is to work on moving on. It might be time to start dating other people and see what’s out there. And if she comes back, and you’re available, maybe it could work out. But by then, you may have found someone even better.
square
Just because its taking you longer than expected to get over the breakup doesnt mean that she was the right one for you
Josh
Hi Marty, glad to know you was in the same place and now OK. I do have my own hobbies and a lot of mates around, just none of them know how I truly feel about it all. On the face, it will probably appear to them I’m 100% over it. But I’ll continue to work on myself and hope this becomes a thing of the past ASAP.
Josh
Daisy & Square, you are both right. I haven’t been waiting Daisy as I know I can’t put my life on hold but as mentioned, that doesn’t stop me missing her awfully. I am working on moving on but unfortunately it’s taking me longer than I’d like. I’m sure i will eventually, just sometimes it’s a struggle.
Square, that’s very true. May be taking awhile because this is first girl I’ve actually been really really interested in and loved. Others have not come close but that’s life. Hopefully soon this will all be behind me
Caetru
Josh, I’m sorry that you are still hurting. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice already. The only thing I would add is that you should have at least one male friend that you trust that you can confide in about your feelings and what’s really going on. It will be helpful for you in the process of moving on.
Josh
Hi Caetru, that probably is the best idea, I’ll have a chat with one of them
Kel
Josh, for the love of god, just text her. One text (not many) and one SHORT light text.
She might say nothing, or it might change your life… it’s totally worth it.
For what it’s worth, 2x in the past an ex has reached out to me post breakup. The one was two years after we broke up- I was completely done with him, so I never even wrote back. The other one I totally missed, and we got back together!
Either way you will get your answer. If she’s done with you you won’t make it worse- for the 1st guy it didn’t change my feelings at all and it’s not like I started “hating him” or bringing bad feelings down on him. In both of my cases it had nothing to do with the time that had past and everything to do with how I felt about them. Let us know how it goes!
Sheila
Why are you still hanging on to dead relationship? There are millions of other women in the world. Please move on Josh!
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