It’s Already a Relationship but he wants to Wait a Couple Months for the Title

I liked a lot of the advice and what liz lemmon said about you being in victim mind set believing you cant find better. Your later post which are full of excuses for him show that. I will only say one thing. If his life is a mess and he is using sex and weed for whatever reason, that can very well be true. But you are also a crotch, a bandaid. You are the girl he can lay his head on your lap and talk about his horrible live atm. Once he gets better he wont need nurse alexandria. He will go for hot fun girl to get burned. You will never win

I agree with the others. I suggest journaling because when I’ve done this in the past over unhealthy relationships, I’ve noticed a pattern of behavior and it helps to then change the trajectory. Go into the journaling as a source when you want to reach out to him to become stronger. Then re-read your entries to see what is happening. When I first started writing, it was almost daily- sometimes twice a day and I recognized how much power this guy had and I thought- why am I giving him this much power and began to take my power back. It’s a great way to channel energy outside of him.

It breaks my heart that you truly believe that this as$clown is the best you can hope for. Seriously its desperately sad to read that. You know he is no good but you don’t believe you deserve good anyway.

There remains no reason for him to be talking to, sh*gging and dating other women aside from that is what he WANTS to do. He wants to do that and get a girlfriend experience with you. He baited and switched you but somehow you are not outraged by the total lack of respect to your emotions, feelings and intelligence. You feel he is the prize and basically some other woman taming him rather then you would be a loss for you. Think about that. You see losing the attentions of an older, baggage at freight level, criminal, cheating, lying, manipulating disrespectful as$clown is somehow a bad thing! How on earth would you ever be able to trust him?! You won’t.

This all ends with pain for you but the path you seem to be choosing is the really long, bumpy, painful excruciating long one. You are prolonging your pain.

Please try and do better for YOU

y’all wasting your time here. she is too brainwashed to hear you. she’ll realize in her own time.

“It feels MOST men I meet or love don’t have respect for me in return. Regardless of how much i give or understand or love.”

I really think you should seek therapy, as has already been suggested to you. The problem is that you are attracting the wrong men by being so accommodating and tolerating of awful, disrespectful behavior. You can’t force or convince someone to love you by continually giving and giving, and being accepting of bullsh!t behavior. An emotionally healthy man will respect a woman with boundaries and self-love. A manipulative man will take advantage of a woman who is too generous and forgiving for her own good.

I’m sorry to hear you were stood up at the airport after moving cross country to be with someone; however, you also mention that this person cheated on you, and I’m willing to bet there were other enormous red flags in the relationship that you chose to ignore. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but I’m saying it would benefit you greatly if you sought out therapy to identify the patterns in YOUR behavior and choices that result in you winding up with terrible men.

I think Ss put it really well when she said “He baited and switched you but somehow you are not outraged by the total lack of respect to your emotions, feelings and intelligence.” Where is your sense of dignity and self-love? His behavior is outrageous. A woman who loved herself and had high standards for herself would simply not tolerate any of this. And she certainly would not see this dude as any kind of prize. Who cares if some other woman gets to “claim” him? He’s not some kind of prize, he’s a walking, breathing turd. Let her have him! (Although I also totally agree with Franny’s point that he will never commit; any woman he is with will get the same treatment you’re getting).

It sounds like you’re infatuated with the idea of who he is rather than… Well… Who he actually is. You’re desperate. You’re making desperate choices and acting desperate because you’ve talked yourself into desperation. I know because I was there not long ago. Not a good place to be in.

You are a People Pleaser you will do anything to please someone in hopes they will fall in love. This is a pattern of behavior that you have exhibited in other relationships. It is leaving you vulnerable to narcissists they can spot people like you.

You feel you still need his approval hence your comment about if he leaves me and is with someone else I feel like a failure something is wrong with me. When in reality he could care less about your feelings or the new person. They will just be the new person in this vicious game he plays. he is playing a dangerous game. Let’s say he committed to you. Imagine you are in your home together and some woman he was having an affair with shows up angry. It has happened before to people. You never know who he may be dealing with.

Second, he could have a disease from someone. have you gotten tested b/c you need to. maybe that will convince you to leave him. You are risking so many things staying with him.

This is a pattern and the only one that can break it is you. I feel like you have the same patterns you need to clear out the negative energy from the past. Start new. You need to boost your self-esteem. I think you need to go out to find friends and people who will build you up. If you can not do that then build yourself up.

You need to leave that bad energy in the past. You need to leave him. I would not jump into anything with anyone but you should date when you boost your energy.

As far as this guy is concerned he makes you feel awful to do you want to be stuck in this drama? It is dangerous to be involved with him you have no clue who he is dealing with or what type of relationship they have or what he is telling them.