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- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 5 years ago by
Better off single.
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Anon
So I’ve been out of the dating scene for awhile but understand that Tinder / Bumble etc. have changed the game. Most guys are talking to multiple girls and that’s just the norm now. My question is – how to not get jealous? This guy and I have been crushing on each other for months now and have finally moved from ‘friends’ to more and I know he’s talking to other girls, which is totally fine at this stage in the game, but I’m still starting to get jealous feelings. Help.
Dangerouse
Advice given here depends on whether you have met him. How many dates?
Anon
We were work buddies before. Three casual dates.
relaxy taxi
The simplest advice I can give is try not to overshare.
If there’s certain things you know will upset you ask the other person not to share it with you. If you start to feel pangs of jealousy try to redirect it in a healthy way away from the source.
Vera
My take is this , yet please take it with a grain of salt .
Despite the fact that bumble / tinder have certainly changed the game – causing guys/girls to speak with multiple people at once (ugh I so hate that)….. I still think that for those seeking something real and long term (read: marriage or long term monogamous partnership ), the guy as well as the girl in question will still know pretty early on (ie 3-4 dates in) that they want to focus on this one person .
All the his to say, if you’ve been on a few dates with one person or you know them from before , if they are still talking to others , I don’t think it’s something that is likely to work out . I’ve seen the way guys are and trust me , They are pretty quick to determine if a girl will be a priority . Of course, as always , there will be exceptions
That’s my two centsVera
So basically , that feeling of jealousy is a way your gut is telling you the guy should be focussing only on you but isn’t …
Dangerouse
Vera, are you new on this site? Your advice is spot on.
If he’s met you, and still looking, either not interested, or, more likely, just not ready for serious.
Emily
I have a different opinion. It might be more fruitful to explore why you are getting jealous. On the surface, the reason is he’s involved with others. Usually there is something deeper under these kinds of emotions. Rather than focus on what someone else is doing and reacting to it, focus on yourself and choosing a response. I hope that makes some sense. Good luck!
Vera
Haha thanks @Dangerouse . Am newish on the site but definitely not new to dating . I have had a lot of experience and love sharing my thoughts …
Raven
Do not (ever!) date guys you work with…
Better off single
The only way i have been able to deal with jealousy is to avoid getting too attached until there is confirmation he wants to be exclusive.
Jealousy is a form of resentment. Like vera said jealousy is a way your gut is telling you the guy should be focussing only on you but isn’t. The best thing to do is stay focused on what you like about yourself, keep busy, and avoid thinking about him too much.
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