Just friendly or does he want his ex back?

@cupcake

Why do you think they’ll get back together? You can love someone but not want them back.

It s what i gather from the information you have provided. They broke up a serious relationship (engagement?) only three months ago but are already super friendly and familiar again. Unless their relationship had been burnt out for a long time and their separation was mutual and amicable (which it doesn’t seem like it was), they very very likely still have romantic feelings for one another. You don’t go from wanting to marry someone to breaking up over arguing to being just chums in 3 months…all while sincerely pursuing a new romantic interest. Sorry, don’t believe it. And i doubt you do either, otherwise you wouldn’t be suspicious and post about it here.

And even if they had no intention of getting back together. You are still in rebound territory very badly. And lets face it rebound situations never end well.

Kim,

I guess since we’re just casually dating I wasn’t too worried at first.

My line of thinking is, if he wanted her back wouldn’t he just do it?

@Cupcake is right. 3 months is not enough time for romantic feelings to fizzle after a break up, unless they were both basically over it way before they broke up. There’s no such thing as being platonic friends straight after the breakup of a serious relationship. if he had acted like that with a completely platonic friend – it wouldn’t be a problem. But she’s his recent fiance. Cupcake is right – you just can’t go through that much emotional progress in a couple of months.

Look at the facts. He found an excuse to message her over something minor (did he really need to message her to find some trinket? Most peopel would rather just buy a new one than call a recent ex)? Did he need to message her again when she said she didn’t have it? Did they need to start sharing puppy videos? Did they need to wish each other’s mothers, when they are broken up? That’s a lot of unnecessary contact that most people wouldn’t have with recent exes – unless there were feelings involved.

@Jane, ‘if he wanted her, wouldn’t he just have her’ works for say, reassuring yourself a boyfriend doesn’t want his childhood friend. Yes, if people have had time, then you’ll know that they would have done something if they really wanted it. But It can’t be applied to a fiance he broke up with 3 months ago – 3 months is nothing. And as you see – he is trying to have her. How do you think people get back together after a break up? This is exactly how it starts – with testing the water, and starting up chat and once people feel comfortable that they aren’t likely to be rejected – they make ti more formal. He;s just keeping you around as an insurance policy.

You’re just ignoring the evidence because you hope that it can be written off. And you might not accept it until he literally tells you “X and I are getting back together again”.

You can stay in this situation, but there’s a very high chance you’re going to get burned.

Okay, i do think it’s too soon for him to date but I guess I’m in the minority here…

Yea, she said to wish his mom a happy Mother’s Day but his response of, “please do the same for me” seemed friendly. Nothing more, nothing less. He just mirrored what she said. So why is this an issue?

@Emily you’re not looking at the big picture. They just ended their engagement. They’re sending each other puppy videos and reaching out to make small talk about unimportant things. It’s not the fact that she wished his mom a happy Mother’s Day, or the way he responded, that’s the issue. It’s the fact that they have already begun communicating regularly and in a warm/friendly way, when that’s not necessary. What they’re doing is rebuilding their bond.

If two people literally just broke up a serious relationship (and an engagement is very serious), if they are serious about healing and moving on, there should be minimal to no contact immediately after the breakup (only when absolutely necessary). People don’t heal from a failed relationship by continually chatting with their ex. Even if you don’t wish the other person ill, you need time and space to heal. Like Lane said, it takes many months or even years to really get over a serious relationship that failed. This guy had a new girlfriend (the OP) in 1 month! That’s a rebound. It sounds like he is feeling out getting back with the fiance, from the way they’re interacting.

I do understand your reasoning even when the timeframe says: rebound. They argued a lot and thats why they broke up. So if he wants her back he would have to go all in with a big bang being sorry. I dont see that at all.
That doesnt mean he is over his ex though or ready to date you. To make things clearer for you i would just ask him:
I noticed you are talking to your ex fiancee and realized you may have second thoughts about breaking up with her. And then listen

Yes i will clarify. If he broke it off and now has second thoughts he would put in way more efforts than sending puppy pics etc. So to me its not that clear he wants to reconcile. But that doesnt mean its not going to happen. Thats why i would ask him. Easiest way to get your answer

Newbie,

I disagree. Every guy that I’ve had wanting to reconcile would do things like send me an article, new music, etc. It was never anything explicit.

I’ve known an ex to reach out to multiple times 2 days in a row (missing item or not which I’m sure he just used an excuse to make contact), then send her something 3rd day in a row just because he missed her and had no intention of getting back together. To me this screams I want you back, but I don’t know how to fix what I’ve done.

So if reconciliation was on his brain then why do what he did?

I will ask

My good friend’s boyfriend is a good buddy of his (how we met) so I was made privy to a few things.

She broke up with him first 2 months ago and in the process of talking things out they got in a bad argument that night, and according to my friend, the guy I’m seeing just got angry and called it off. I do know right before the big blow up where they broke 2 months he went to her mother for advice. He said he didn’t know what his ex had wanted. Then a few weeks later after he broke things off (1.5 month post the breakup she initiated…3 weeks after he called off the reconciliation/broke up with her) he contacted her about his things and then sent her the video. Sent her the video 2 weeks ago and liked the “I miss you but eff you post” a week ago.

Cici,
Ok i understand your point of view, also the other but i wanted to give some counterbalance because to me it wasnt that cut and dry. Nevertheless i would proceed with caution

K,

Did you see OPs update?

The ex initially broke up with him. He in turn called it off FOUR weeks ago, right after talking to his ex’s mom for advice. Then just 2 weeks after the breakup, and if my math is correct, 2 weeks ago he started making contact with his ex.

He broke up with her for TWO weeks before making repeated contact with the woman he wanted to marry.

If his intent was to move on even though he still cares for her he wouldn’t be making repeated contact, keeping tabs on social media, and saying tell your mom I said happy Mother’s Day. That’s not the behavior of someone who recognizes the relationship is over and wants to move on.