Just friendly or does he want his ex back?

Cici, this is not really about convincing each other but giving different perspectives. Not over op’s back anyway

Cici, yes I saw the update but it’s like Newbie said, we aren’t here to win a debate, we’re here to provide the OP with different perspectives. We don’t know these people IRL or their entire backstories. Impossible to say with certainty exactly what’s going on in any situation offered on this site.

Bottom line: she just needs to ask him about the contact with his ex and see how he responds, and be prepared that he may decide to go back to the ex.

Im not offering false hope either. But i actually applaud the op for keeping a cool head and being logical in her thinking: it could be friendly based on the type of interactions he and the ex had. So i didnt want Jane to feel stupid like she missed a whole bunch of red flags. But i dont think the situation looks hopefull either. Thats why my only suggestion was to have a calm talk with him about it.

Newbie & K,

Well I just saw that he posted this song called ‘Desires’ with the caption “been listening to this for 8 hours now”, it’s about a guy who wishes he could’ve found a way to keep the girl he was with and how nice guys finish last. And a post with a caption that says,

‘When someone says there’s other fish in the sea
‘My response:’

And video of a person shooting the fish. So I think it’s safe to assume it’s about her.

Oh, and forgot to mention our mutual friend said that he looks her Instagram and views her posts all the time but the ex doesn’t ever view his stories. So he keeps checking on her even though she’s not checking on him.

Lol well you make a more compelling case he is indeed not over her with every new post. But honestly stop playing detective and ask the question. Rip the bandaid off and stop antagonizing yourself

This guy is a hot mess! What a load of drama. Who cares if he just misses her, or if he wants her back? He’s a dumpster fire. Even if he doesn’t want her back, but just really misses her, he needs to work through that pain. He has way, way to much to work through before he’s ready to date another woman and have a healthy relationship.

If you choose to date a guy in these circumstances, you’re just setting yourself up for pain. He will never be able to be a decent partner if a huge part of his heart and his energy are focused on his ex (regardless of whether he actually wants her back or not).

Liz Lemon,

I’m not OP. I’m just generally curious lol. This post has made me think – how can tell if it’s just missing an ex or actually wanting the ex back?

Well Jane… I”m sorry, I think you have your answers now. Does he know you can see this stuff he’s posting?? Very bad manners and inconsiderate of you if he knows you can. He’s not over her by a long shot and it’s much much worse if he’s 30 and this was his first serious GF. That’s VERY damaging. Either start backing way off or have a little heart to heart with him. I vote for the heart to heart, as Newbie suggested.