Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Just need to vent
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
anon.
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Kad17
I’m so tired of meeting guys that I have a connection with and I find interesting who DON’T want to commit, and meeting guys I don’t really connect with but they want to pursue me.
Just this week I met a guy who I initially thought was cute and funny. We had a second date but there were long periods of silence. Anytime I asked about books, shows, movies, hobbies etc his answer was “I don’t really read/watch/cook/stay active”. I really enjoy reading, watching shows, listening to interesting podcasts, I make it a point to stay active, to cook, to be close to my family and I shared that with him. It just felt like it was had to make a connection with this guy. I know shared interests are just one piece of what makes a relationship work…but I can’t feel a connection with a guy if we are barely having a good conversation. And yet he still wants to ask me out again.
I feel bad because he is probably just shy and he seems nice. And I’ve been single for so long that I feel like I should stop being picky. However I see so many of my friends who are really loving and passionate about their partners and think the world of them. I want to feel that way about someone too! I just hate that a lot of the guys that I found interesting had no interest in committing to me or anyone else for that matter. I don’t have ridiculous requirements like he must be this tall, have this sort of a career, be in amazing shape etc, but it increasingly feels like I can’t meet a guy who shares a connection with me AND wants to commit. I just needed to vent here.
Vera
Totally hear you! I’m in the same boat. I’ve honestly been dating forever and that’s the story of my life !
Just keep on trekking and keep tour standards high I guess …Kathy
You HAVE to keep your standards high, even if it takes a long time to find someone..
Otherwise you end up with someone you don’t want!
kad17
My family keeps telling me to lower my standards and to stop judging. I feel terrible for not being super attracted to my last date because he was probably just nervous. But I can’t help it because I didn’t feel like we had a great conversation. That’s like such a viral part to me developing feelings for someone, romantic or platonic!
Hayley
I am in college and I am feeling this now!!! I am just scared moreso for the future…all I am hoping is that once the connection is there, it will stick :)
Kathy
There are no promises in life, but if the connection is there, the communication is good, the circumstances are pretty good, and both of you want it and work at it.. The chances are good.
I know, that sounds like a lot.. But that’s why love doesn’t come around every corner.
M.
That’s exactly what’s been happening to me. I’m just so tired of dating. Guys I find attractive and have lots in common are either living too far or not available and the ones pursue me aren’t the ones that I can talk for hours.
I don’t have any advice just wanted to tell you you are not alone .Sensy
Don’t give up and keep dating and be true to yourself. Try to have a different attitude towards dating and that is making friends and learning about others and yourself. Also visualize and put it out there in the universe the guy you do want for yourself. Even write it down and put it on your refrigerator as a vision board. The universe is very powerful.
Kad17
Hi all, thanks for your advice and input. I’m trying to stay positive. I guess Im just unsure if I should give this guy another chance.
Vera
I think the only thing you should be asking yourself is, would you look forward to seeing him again on another date? Don’t think too much about the details like why or whether your personalities mesh. If the answer is no, don’t go out again. If undecided then go out one more time . I can guarantee you’ll know by the end of date 2 is this is something you’d want to continue .
anon
It is not worth pursuing a relationship with someone you have zero connection with. If you were saying “oh, we had a great time, but he is short and likes sushi so… uh, no”, that’s being picky.
There are guys who are shy and take a while to open up, and maybe you give him a few more dates to be more open about who he is.It does take some time to meet the right match. All you can do is keep being who you are. It sounds like you are looking for the right things and not being shallow. You are on the right track.
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