Just read my boyfriend and his ex's texts : (

how serious are things between you two when he texted her? Did she text him back?

How long have you been going out? And how long were they broken up before you started seeing him?

And you aren’t clear on whether he did contact her after he said he wouldn’t or she contacted him.

#530879
We have been together for six months now. They had broken up for a year and a half when my boyfriend started going out with me, but they stayed close friends the whole time.
He sent the flirty texts within the month before we got together. They continued to text each other after we started dating. After I saw his ex text him that she still has feelings for him, I asked him to stop contacting her. I don’t have evidence of him still contracting her after that, but I don’t know. : /

They been broken up for a year and a half. He knows she has feelings for him still but he’s CHOOSING to be with you instead! Please focus on that and STOP reading his texts. You can’t control what she does or if she contacts him. So either trust him that he’s exclusive with you and he’s not going to contact her or decide you don’t trust him and leave.

I would dump him. If he’s talking that way to another girl, he doesn’t really care about you. Next time, don’t date a guy who’s caught up on his ex and don’t snoop through your partner’s phone.

#530977

He has lied to me about her several times. I only know it because I snooped through his texts, so I can’t confront him. (I know it’s wrong.)
I don’t know if I should go look for evidence.

Well, always remember that if you go snooping, you’re more than likely to find something, even if it really means nothing. Stop snooping. I understand bc this has happened to me but it was in the past. You can either choose to look forward and STOP going through his texts and pay attention to how he treats you presently bc you’ll know if something is up (and he’ll likely be more unhappy with you snooping than you are about what you found) or you can break up with him bc you can’t get passed it. How would you feel if he went through your emails or texts? You may not have anything that could be misinterpreted but it’s the principle..

#531033
Technically he hasn’t cheated on me because he flirted with her before we got together, so I don’t think this is a good enough reason to break up. But I don’t know how to get pass this. I keep thinking about it whenever I see him.

Art,

If he were still not over her I really think you would have found something in his texts!! Think about it. If she’s professing her feelings, wouldn’t he have reciprocated and told her he misses her, he still loves her, etc? He didn’t know you were going to read them so certainly you would have found a “smoking gun” if he had feelings.

I actually had a similar situation happen this weekend. I am TOTALLY in love with my guy and he even told me this weekend he wants to marry me and for me to be his wife! What is so cute about that is the fact I got a little insecure a week ago when I started talking to him about the future and he was answering with one word answers. So he made it clear this weekend how he felt!! He’s adorable.

But that being said, I did have an ex text me on Mother’s Day and into yesterday morning. Despite the fact I ignored most of his texts, he was still texting me. He went on about missing me, my smile, asking if I had a tan yet and how sexy I looked with one, etc. None of this was instigated by me. I tried to play it down and didn’t flirt with him but when I thought about what my boyfriend would think if he read those texts I realized it would probably hurt him. So I stopped responding all together.

So my point is, was it flattering to have a guy saying all those things to me? Of course. Are my boyfriend and I to the point where I’m not hearing those kinds of things from him all the time? Yeah. But I broke up with this guy, am not interested in him in the least and wouldn’t even consider it if my guy and I broke up. There is nothing my boyfriend needs to worry about as far as this guy is concerned.

So as the old saying goes, don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Don’t throw away something good in the process. You really need to decide whether or not you can get past this because it’s going to start affecting your relationship if you can’t.

Beth I think you meant to respond to the other post about girlfriend best friend and boundaries…not this one.

I don’t get the whole snooping and NOT confronting thing??? Makes zero sense to me. If you snoop, that means you don’t trust him. If you find something, that means your instincts were right. If you don’t that means maybe you’re crazy. Lol. I’d absolutely confront him and specifically tell him that I looked through his phone, found messages with his ex, if you choose to stay, just know where you stand with him- a girl he has little respect or consideration for OR leave him because you want more. Your options are pretty straightforward. I’m no angel myself BUT my word is worth something and if I can’t give you what an exclusive commitment entails, I don’t commit. It’s a fairly simple concept. That’s part of having integrity. That’s part of being fair to other’s, being honest and honorable. If he’s not that, what’s his value anyways? Just that you “love” him… Love isn’t everything. Let him go! Good luck!

Don’t dump him! He’s now stopped all contact with her for YOU. What more would you want him to do? He never cheated as you say.

Look, let’s be frank. He has a long history with this woman. However much he liked you and thought the relationship had potential, the history between them is going to create a closer bond between them than the one created been with you two in one month. That’s natural and normal.

The whole point is he decided he liked you enough to become official and is no longer in touch with her.

He chose you over her. Don’t punish him for making that decision.