Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Keeps texting but no other date, very confused
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Tallspicy.
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Ella
Posted in here lately, sorry posting again LOL. This situation is lowkey eating me up.
Don’t wanna provide the long story, but is there a specific reason why a man who you had one date with would keep texting you and being in contact, yet not try to schedule the next get together?We have some distance in between us, and he works overnights and is clearly focusing on other things (which he has described – and has said he is very stressed, but he didn’t list it as an excuse, but this is what I am picking up on). It’s been over a week and no other date has been planned yet he still texts me once a day. We even texted more back n forth yesterday and I hinted at “next time” and nada, nothing. I feel a major tonal shift but he just won’t cut it off. I don’t even think its for easy sex – seems to be a some type of backup plan? Also his ego seems big enough where I doubt I am supplying any validation. I know texting is incredibly low effort, but I don’t get it. I have never been in this situation before. Either the next thing was planned or we cut it off. He mentioned yesterday if I “am ever where he is” which made me think…ok….why are we continuing to speak in hypotheticals here, like let’s make a plan.
Part of me thinks he enjoyed the fantasy more so than the reality and is conflicted, or I barely cross his mind at all atm. I know he is def talking to other women, but this low level of communication is getting on my nerves. Clearly he is just keeping me in some type of orbit but for what reason? No idea. We flirted a little bit yesterday too then it like stopped lol. Thinking I am going to just stop replying to him, cause maybe he doesn’t wanna be confrontational? (Even tho he is a very straightforward dude, no idea).
Is it needy if I just straight up say “Btw are you still interested in another get together?” and maybe give him a timeframe? Or just leave it and let it go. Feels like we had momentum and then it just shut down.
Mary
Just stop answering his texts. Honestly, moving a way from a situation and focusing elsewhere will usually get you either what you want or what you really need concerning men.
Mary
In answer to your question, yes… by asking him if you are getting together showed desperation/neediness. I would give up on him and put your attention elsewhere.
Ewa
Just let it die naturally. What does he say in his texts that you need to reply to ? He’s probably dating other women and see where or even if he wants to see you again. Interested men usually schedule next date within 3 days of meeting up. Unless someone is busy I don’t see why you wouldn’t see him within a week.
Liz Lemon
For whatever reason, this guy isn’t interested in pursuing you. My bf had a lot going in when we met (working long hours, getting up at 5am for work daily, coparenting his young child with his ex, plus his mom was sick and needed surgery and he was the family member in charge of seeing her through it). He was still very obvious in pursuing me– texting constantly, calling, seeing me at least once a week. He definitely didn’t leave me wondering.
This guy isn’t trying to woo you. One text a day- one!- is extremely low effort. And he hasn’t asked about seeing you again. His vague comment about “if you’re ever in my area” is pure laziness. Maybe he’s hoping for a hookup if you’re ever in his area. At any rate, he’s definitely not making an effort to impress you or win you over. Just stop replying to his texts.
Ella
Thanks all for the input. I didn’t at first mind this being casual but the fact I am getting breadcrumbs started to irk me. I expected maybe more communication. He went from calling and asking all these questions to now nothing hence why I was surprised even when we were still conversing. I was going to at some point in our convo yesterday say “whats your schedule like” but didn’t wanna force him. Also the night before our date, he decided to stay up ALL NIGHT and got very little sleep and I even said to him “why did you stay up all night when we had this planned” and he’s like “Nah that’s on me”. Idk if I knew I had a midday date I wouldn’t show up half exhausted. The “if you’re ever here” comment was off-putting – just seems he doesn’t care. I feel dumb bc I sent him some risque photos (all PG) and he still has those saved from another app. But if I unadd him they will not be saved anymore. So I feel weird letting the convo die yet while he still has some of the photos saved..
Just feel silly that’s all. I thought we could make it a fun summer fling at least and it lost all momentum. Just was overdue for some fun and I liked him a bit. Sigh
Raven
Just stop responding…
Liz Lemon
Was he calling and asking questions before you two met? And then after your date the attention dropped off? If that’s the case, he probably didn’t feel a spark in person. That happens all the time.
Staying up all night and showing up exhausted for your date is tacky and again, the sign of a guy who isn’t serious.
If you need to delete him from some app to delete the pics of you, then do it. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to salvage here? Just cut contact and date other guys.
Raven
There is no reason to be ‘nice’
How ‘nice’ is he ?Rubi
“is there a specific reason why a man who you had one date with would keep texting you and being in contact, yet not try to schedule the next get together?”
Yeah. He’s just keeping contacts enough with you to keep you there. He’s leaving the door open for YOU to decide to come to him if you want and make all the efforts, but he isn’t planning to make this a dating situation where HE is pursuing you. So if you want that summer fling you will be the one to make it happen by going to him but on his end this is not a serious / dating thing.
Tallspicy
Yes, he is keeping his options open and doing crumbs to do it. He is texting because you respond. If he wanted to see you again, guess what…. He would make plans. And distance could be a factor, many won’t entertain that.
He was overtired for your date, yuck!
If you must text something (best idea is to just stop responding), then this is it:
Bob, thank you so much for continuing to reach out. I am getting the sense we might not be on the same page as I am looking for something growing and consistent. This does not seem to have that trajectory, but it has been nice getting to know you. I wish you the best in your search!
If he thinks he has been miscommunication, he will correct it, but most likely he will say… nice to know you too, best of luck in your search.
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