Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Leaving the country… Say goodbye to my ex?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 8 years, 5 months ago by
Jade.
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Maria
Hi everyone!
I am in a complicated situation and don’t know what to do. I moved to another country to study my Master’s degree and there I met my ex. We first were just friends, then dated for a while, then he broke up with me, then we started dating again and on december he left me for someone else. I haven’t heard from him since (also because I haven’t even tried contacting him, I needed to get over him).
The thing is that now I’ve finished my degree and in a month I’ll go back to my home country, and I am meeting everyone I’ve met here to tell them goodbye. I have also consideres meeting him as a goodbye, even though I haven’t heard from him since december. I think I would feel awful if I left without telling him anything else, even though he hurt me and haven’t heard from him since, mostly because we were friends before anything happened and have really nice memories with him. And we didn’t even end up on a bad note. My friends tell me that I shouldn’t meet him, that it won’t be good for me, so I am writing here to get more of an objective advice.Thank you all in advance! :)
Raven
Congrats on completing your Masters!
What do you hope to accomplish by telling him goodbye?
Maria
Thank you Raven! :)
Honestly I don’t want to accomplish anything, he is someone who has been special for me and I know that I won’t see him ever again. I also find it sad that things end up with me not even saying goodbye when leaving, even more considering we were friends in the beginning :(
Candy
Why? He has not been in touch and dumped you twice. And…. He is no longer your friend.
If you are looking for a warm reaction or have expectations on how he might respond, just know he may not. Or he may not respond the way you want which could backfire and reopen a bunch of old wounds.
I don’t think people do things without getting something out of it. You may want to reevaluate your real motive for reaching out. I don’t think saying good bye to a man who has not been a friend to you for awhile now, makes any sense.
vanessa
Completely agree with Candy. And he has an idea you’d be graduating after this semester and would be leaving, didn’t he? I say only agree to meet him if he happened to reach out. Honey, he didn’t act like a caring friend at the end, so finally say goodbye in your heart. You have great things to look forward to!!
kaye
I don’t think your situation is complicated. It is quite simple. This man broke up with you, started dating you again and then LEFT you for someone else! You haven’t heard from him since then. Why would you feel awful? This man dumped you and didn’t look back.
And what makes you think you won’t feel more awful if you contact him and want to say goodbye and he doesn’t want to see you? Ouch. Guarantee that will be worse. And like some of the others have said, I’m sure when you were dating he was aware of when you would finish your degree. If he wanted to tell you congratulations and goodbye…he would. I think you are making excuses because you want to see him again.
In this case I think your friends are right…you shouldn’t meet him and it won’t be good for you. It will just set you back. He has already said his goodbye to you. It’s time for you to let him go and move forward.
Hannah
I’m in the UK and here a masters takes a year. I’m assuming yours took longer and you didn’t just know him a couple of months!
Either way, he’s not your friend. He dumped you twice and hasn’t spoken to you for 5-6 months. There’s nothing to say goodbye to. You did that when the relationship ended.
Sun
This is when you invite becoming a doormat. Actions like these aren’t respected or welcomed by men like him. It’s actually a turn off given of how he handled your relationship with him. He is not a “friend”.
Maria
Many, many thanks for all of your answers girls :) I really appreciate it! Seems like I am the only one who thinks that meeting him would be ok lol
And Hannah, I am in Austria, here a Master’s lasts for 2 years, so the whole thing lasted for almost a year and a half hehe had it just been two months I think the answer would be much easier for me!
Another thing is that I had the chance of finishing my Master’s either in June or in September, so he doesn’t exactly know when I’ll finish… But maybe I’ll just listen to what everyone is telling me and just forget about that!
Again, many thanks :)SthrnBelle
He wants nothing to do with you for whatever reason, why do you think he would even want to meet? He has never contacted you. Guilt or just not caring who knows, maybe both but he is not a person in your life anymore.
Nothing will be resolved in your heart and head after meeting, a meeting should only occur if you two both very seriously wanted to work on a relationship. Otherwise, it would only make matters worse for you and he probably knows you are leaving right? Even if not, let him wonder what could have been.
Do not meet him, learn to move on. It is a very important lesson to learn in life.
Maria
Thanks also for your opinion SthrnBelle! :) Yes I think he mostly hasn’t contacted me out of guilt, that’s also another reason why I thought contacting him and telling him to meet wouldn’t be that bad (because he isn’t going to do it out of guilt…)
But anyway, I’ll try to follow everyone’s advice :)amy s
Potentially you just set yourself up for more hurt and disappointment from this person. Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me. Move on from this and begin the new exciting chapter of your life with your head held high knowing you decided not to contact the douchebag ex and that is how you intend to live life from now on. Do not give time or energy to people who have been disrespectful to you. Know your value x
alia
Congratulations on your degree! Well done! I am sure there were other people you met during your studies here? Why don’t you seek out those people for a nice catch up and goodbye coffee;) Instead of chasing the ex who clearly has no interest in anything to do with you (always a good thing to let people, who done’t want us, go).
Jade
No reason to say goodbye bc it seems like that was implied when he left you for someone else. And you haven’t spoken in months.
Congrats on your degree!
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