lied about illness to break up – how to confront?

Kara,
I’ve been thinking about writing that I hope you reread the thread with a new outlook.

I’ve been in your shoes where something that seemed like it had so much potential just up and vanished. I got told the same things – he’s not interested, forget about him and move on. Those words felt like an attack on me. They weren’t but I felt so bad at the time I took them that way.
I got bent out of shape thinking no one understood. It felt like I was being told I didn’t have what it takes. That’s not what the message was. In fact, it was the opposite.

“He’s not interested” does not mean “You’re not likeable”

“Forget about him” does not mean “You don’t have what it takes”

“Move on” does not mean “You failed”

What these words do mean is your time is precious. Don’t waste it on anyone who isn’t willing to match the effort and intent you give.

Maybe you already know this. It just comes across like you are trying to prove something to yourself and the proof is this guy liking you. Don’t look to him to validate you. From his behavior he isn’t qualified to validate parking 😂
You don’t need his validation. Look inside for your worth, not outside from other people.

I hope this helps puts all the advice in a new light.

Connie!
Omg what you wrote was SPOT ON!
When I read your post and how you reframed it, I felt like I was struck by lightening. I immediately reread it again. And then I took a screen grab of it to send to my girlfriends.
From now on I’m going to reframe any bread crumbing/crappy relationships that come my way, so I can turn around and go in the opposite direction!!
😂
I had to write and thank you for that pearl of wisdom.

Kara, I hope you see the stark reality in Connie’s example. You’re hurting. I know. In time it’ll get better.

I did want to tell you I thought pretending to be another girl on a dating app was b!tchin’ genius actually! Maybe he got cancer because he had a new (phantom) chick to meet.

Doesn’t matter. Anyway you look it, YOU’RE the catch.

ok got that. atlst now we know your not head over heels over an A****le lol. can read your disappointment but what can you do if he has chosen to break off all contact with you? you cant force him to be your friend can you? by confronting him i guess i now see it as a way for you to vent your frustration. but that’s not going to help you, is it?

I thought something was very wrong here when the OP all of a sudden reversed course and said she was desperate to keep him in her life somehow, and I wondered if it was about money since he took her on an expensive holiday.

it’s time to look at this from the other side.

People with a lot of money can smell when someone is only interested in them because of their money. I think this guy knew what the OP was about and that’s why the elaborate story to get rid of her, permanently.

I come from a family that is quite well off, we have a well-known business that’s been in the family for years, and I can certainly sense when someone is interested in me for my name or my family’s wealth. And I get the hell away, fast. Although I’ve never faked having cancer, LOL, I’ve had people who were persistent who I had to cut off pretty firmly. My last name is not the family name, so it’s a dead giveaway when they find out after they meet me who my mother is and they treat me differently. Or suddenly want a donation or want to sell me something.

OP, let me tell you from experience – having what others consider a lot of money does not equal a golden, happy life. My family and I have problems and struggles just like everyone else. I had a brother who suffered terribly from depression and committed suicide. Please stop idolizing rich people and thinking they are somehow better than you. You’ve made money into God. You will never be happy if you keep believing life is better and people are better when there’s what you think is a lot of money around.

I mainly read this site, I very rarely post and I don’t like to tell my family story but I wanted to say something to try to get you to stop pursuing this man and his money. You’re wasting your time and you’re wasting your life with your belief system.

there must have been a misunderstanding somewhere, but i never said i didnt like him. i actually was genuinely attracted to him and although he was awkward and anxious i found those traits endearing since i have the same traits myself. i would have wanted to continue our relationship even if he was a regular guy its just his status certainly up’d it a notch. i loathe freeloaders and i am the last person to be one. i wanted to be around him out of admiration for his accomplishments and just learn more about his habits and things like that NOT for any kind of personal gain. out of all the reasons he may have rejected me this just cant be one of them because its simply not true and i went out of my way to always offer to help him with work issues while we were away, offer to pay, etc because i didnt want to come off entitled. also to anon girl point about having to lie to cut of someone that is persistently bothering a person, yes, i do agree in that case a lie might be in order to stop the contact. whats hurtful to me is that he didnt hear a peep from me in any way shape or form in 2-3 weeks so lying so severely was completely uncalled for. he knew rejecting me would hurt because i liked him. then to tell someone he knows likes him that he is sick would make me even more upset. like why go to that length to upset someone that did nothing bad to him. if it wasnt for that stunt that i pulled as fake me i may have believed the cancer diagnosis. that’s why im so so riled.