Lost Interest after a month dating

Hi Sandra,
I found myself in a similar situation last year where I dated this guy for 4 months and then he ghosted out. Looking back now, I see signs that should have warned me that this was coming. But it’s hard to see straight when you’re in it. Before I hit you with what you definitely don’t want to hear, I will say that yes. He COULD be busy. It’s possible. But in my experience, people aren’t really ever too busy for people they want to make time for. If you are actually busy and can’t physically be there, it takes two seconds to send a text. So there’s really no excuse these days. This guy seems to have a great excuse for everything, my guy did too. And I believed him and justified it all to myself so do not feel foolish for doing just that. But if you really think he could be something- just ask what’s going on. You deserve to know where you stand and he should be mature enough to address it one way or the other. If you’re worried about seeming crazy, don’t. If he labels you insane for wanting to know where you stand, he is not the guy you want anyway. You can’t scare the right guy away. Hope it helps, and I truly hope I’m not right. But I’m here to chat if you need it!

Thank you so much for your responses. So he texted me yesterday and asked me how my day went and when I responded he didn’t respond back. Nothing. Why did he text me then? I don’t get it. He obviously didn’t mention anything about meeting. :(

Hi talllady. Thanks for your response.

His friend already left town so I know he is free. He just asked how my day was and how did I do on one of my exams. I replied that it was really busy and my exam went well and then I said Im going out for drinks later with some college friends. He then said oh cool that I should enjoy and he wanted to go out too. I then said yeah the weather is amazing right now gotta take advantage of rooftop bars and that I don’t feel like staying at home during summer. He didn’t reply to that.

Thank you so much for the guidelines. I’ll definitely stick to them. I’m not going to text him first. I will check in with you on Thursday/Friday and see if something has happened till then.

He won’t want to see you just because of your new tattoo. He is 30 years old, not 3. Did he ever ask you out on Saturday night? If he never took you out on Saturday after a month of dating, he might be seeing someone else he is more interested.

It’s reasonable he’s still on dating site but If he is not sharing Saturday with you, his interest level isn’t so desirable. I would not put that much energy on him, keep him as second option like he does to you. From now, mirror his behavior, if he doesn’t contact you in 3 days, you do not respond to him in 3 days. Do not waste time into endless texting here and there, or even phone calls. If he doesn’t ask you out with in the next week, never respond to his text again, unless he calls – to ask you out. Give him one more chance of that, if he calls but doesn’t ask you out, that’s the end and move on.

It’s only been a month, right?? I would still prob be seeing someone else, I maybe would even be seeing 2 someone elses. Lol. I just posted yesterday that I don’t invest too much emotionally in any guy prior to the 3 month mark. In that time frame you’re able to gauge many things, level of interest, authenticity, level of pride and security, game-playing patterns, just general character. People these days are almost conditioned to “present” themselves due to all the social networking facades and the beginning of dating is reflective of this. That’s why month 3 is the month they walk away because their TRUE colors are bleeding and you’ve prob already given them what they wanted and have become hooked by their presentation. “Above all else, guard your heart. For everything you do flows from it.” For sure, be open to meeting people and spending good times with them, get to know them, but this guy seems to be flaky and that’s never a good sign. I feel like so many women let themselves be “chosen” by the men…??? NO WAY! If you’re still a part of MY life, if I’m spending my extremely valued time with you, it’s because I’VE “chosen” YOU… And I’m not deterred by a little competition so see whomever you want, but be respectful and considerate of me while you’re doing it. Meaning maintain communication and contact consistently, follow through with what you say you’ll do- dates, don’t ignore me or disregard me. If I want more, I say so and if I don’t get it, I leave. But I’m fair in that I don’t expect from my guys MORE than I’m willing to give myself sooooo if I’M not ready to stop seeing other people, I encourage you to do the same.

Jenny, you’re the shit :-)

Some women will encourage you to view certain of a man’s actions and behaviors as a lack of interest, but I will encourage you to keep an open mind, some thoughts:

I know a guy who even if he’s interested in a woman, he won’t reply to texts to her or anyone else unless they ask a question, or there is something he wants to say. I know if I want a reply from him I had better ask a question or simple assume it’s an exchange of thoughts that has an ideffinite end. People are all different.

You had 5 dates, that does not equal a commitment, lessen your expectations, don’t expect an instant relationship. Slow down your expectations. You don’t need instant love, you dont’ need to be on a timeline either. Now that doesn’t mean that you would do a casual relationship for 6 months, but 5 dates, you are just in the attraction phase of dating, and that stage is a pretty superficial and supposed to be light-hearted phase.

This guy sounds busy, he’s still contacting you but he’s not asking you out because he might be busy. There might be another reason but if you listen to other women and automatically assume he’s playing you – it will come accross in your communication to him and he might not be interested in you because assuming he’s playing with you will make you feel insecure and insecurity shows up in communication, and if a guy senses it without understanding what it is, it is an attraction killer, and men have radar for lack of confidence.

Have you tried calling and scheduling anything? I am dating a guy still pretty new went through the same thing. I finally asked if he was dating someone else and he said no he is just not sure why i keep texting him instead of calling him. He said he felt like he was coming on to strong since he olanned everything and he thought hed wait to see if i was on the same page. Basically he wanted me to take charge for a minute

Hi Sandra,

I agree with the advice you got from Ashley, Ivy, Jenny and KimF. Automatically assuming he lost interest is a cop out for not opening your heart to love. It comes from a place of fear because in order to truly experience a healthy romantic relationship with a man, one has to take the risk that your love may not be returned.

However, true and lasting love only exists when there is unconditional love given and received. Men need to be trusted and respected just as women need to be loved and respected. Try looking at things from his perspective. How would you feel if you were going thru whatever he says he is going thru. Give him the benefit of doubt until he shows you otherwise.

Also always look at his actions and trust the actions more than his words unless they both match up. Also always trust your own intuition.

So a little update: I went on a date with him and it was very nice we kissed and had a nice date but I feel like this isn’t progressing. He acted like he missed me and was like it was about time we see each other. He even asked me when we could see each other and I said on wednesday. I aksed about the weekend he said he already got plans and yesterday he texted me and when I asked what he was up to he said he went to the movies. I didn’t ask with who. Do you think he went with another girl?