Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Making sense of a professional situation…
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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NotPlainJane
I have someone who I believe has been flirting with me. It has escalated a bit but since I only see him every few months it is a very slow process.
The second-to-last time I saw him had his feet touch mine with our legs very close (almost like footsie with no table between). He didn’t move his feet and I didn’t move mine for a little while. Later he stood over me staring down at me pretty close…he asked who I was living with…he was flirty and I just felt like he thinks I am attractive…he gave me a hug goodbye. I gave him really strong, flirty eye contact.
The last time I saw him he dialed everything back. He was flirting less. However, at one point he touched my cheek/face, which I found to be very intimate.
Does that represent an escalation in your mind (even though there was less of the other flirting)? Is there any way he would do that if he wasn’t attracted to me? Cupping my face with one hand felt SO intimate. I actually don’t think ANYONE ever touched my face like that.
BUT…I cannot tell why he dials it back sometime. I do flirt with him, but maybe I am a bit subtle? I can’t tell for sure if he gets my signals or not but I am pretty sure he knows there is “a vibe” between us. He might think I am a bit flirty but not *responding* per se or not clearly “open” or escalating things.
Is there any way that I am reading his signals wrong? What do you think he meant by touching my face? What about touching feet? Where do you think he wants this to go and what signal is he looking for me (in terms of giving him a green light)?
It’s even more complicated because technically I am not supposed to date him (think professor-student)! I welcome your thoughts.
Maddie
Sometimes people like to flirt… I’m sure you’re right that he enjoys the attraction but he hasn’t made a move for several months so it probably doesn’t matter and he doesn’t want it to “go” anywhere. You don’t know if he has someone else in his life, or has met someone since he last saw you, or if he knows it’s better to respect that you shouldn’t get involved as long as you’re in the same professional circles. I actually think if there’s a pre-existing work and power dynamic and you barely know each other that it’s kind of creepy he asked you who you live with. Anyway, if words and actions aren’t lined up (he flirts but after several months doesn’t make further serious moves for a date or casual encounter, whatever you both happen to be looking for at this time), inconsistency is always a red flag that something would be off if you pursued it. It’ll be easier to focus on meeting someone more “appropriate” (meaning without professional restrictions) and therefore actually available.
Raven
In a ‘professional’ setting, ick!
Lane
It means nothing. If it means anything, he could be he’s looking for some ‘fun’ when in town but go back to his GF/wife when at home. I would not entertain this at all as it can get really messy mixing work with romance, would have to sneak around, and worse when it ends, which they do 90%+ of the time. Stick to local unattached men you don’t work with.
Liz Lemon
My first thought was– if you only see this person every few months, why even bother? At this glacial pace it will take forever to get anything going.
I agree with Maddie. I think considering this is a professional setting, no good can come of this. If he’s your professor (which it sounds like he might be?), he is acting totally inappropriately (but I know from experience that many professors do, so I’m not surprised– some of those guys get a power trip and like to flirt with female students). Yeah he’s probably attracted to you, yeah he’s probably flirting, which he should not be– with you, and other female students I’m sure. Believe me, you’re most likely not the only one.
Of course, if YOU are the professor and this guy is your student– you need to cut this sh*t out right now. It’s a Title IX violation and a potential lawsuit. I work in this area so I know. I’m really hoping you’re just a naive student with a crush on her professor (which is normal) and not the other way around (which is an ethics violation).
Like Maddie said, I think your best bet is to move on and find someone more appropriate to flirt with and date.
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