Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Meeting him tomorrow, but doubting everything…
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Lane.
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Anais
I broke up with him in a very crude manner because he did something I didnt like. I think he lied to me but because I was so furious and used a bit of foul language during the breakup, I didnt really listen to his explanations. I regret having talked to him in that way.
One week later I sent him a text saying that i don’t want to fight anymore and that I want to speak like friends (I chickened out.. couldn’t write I want him to be my bf again) to which he agreed.
But apparently he was so upset about my behaviour that he spontaneously booked a trip to his home country where he wants to be alone by the sea. I suggested I come to him for my birthday when he is back and he agreed and even suggested to pick me up (he lives an hour away from my town, so basically he was willing to drive a long way to only pick me up and then drive all the way back).
But still he seemed distant and it was always me to initiate contact. I guess he was still hurt. So I called him a couple of days later and apologised for my tone and way of speaking. He said he is not mad and understands my behaviour. Then he suggested to discuss this face to face when he is back. I agreed but he never made exact plans so once again it was me who set a plan to which he just replied ‘sure’. I then asked him where he wants to talk and he left my text on read. It has been 3 days now without a reply.
My birthday was yesterday and he didnt wish me happy birthday. Nothing. The meeting is supposed to be tomorrow. Also he will arrive back from his home country tomorrow and is or was still willing to come all the way to me to talk which I thought was a good sign.
But now I just dont know what to do or think anymore…. shall I send him another text tomorrow to ask if the meeting will still take place?
Anais
Normally this would be my idea too but what if he stands in front of my door tomorrow evening, having come all the way from his town. It is kind of his style to not confirm dates again once they have been set
Alice
I wouldn’t reach out. If he wants this relationship he will work for it.
As someone already said, do nothing.
Anais
So you suggest taking the chance and not getting ready at all tomorrow, and if he is in front of my door I will tell him “sorry, another time”? This will for sure kill any chance of ever getting back with him
Alice
He left you on “read” so it sounds like he’s not taking this seriously.
If he shows up tomorrow, it’s your choice what to do from there but you should tell him that you didn’t hear from him so you didn’t think the plans were still on.
I’d have a hard time giving a guy a chance to talk about things when he can’t even respond to a simple text. The decision is yours though.
Tallspicy
You are broken up with this man. And you did what sounds like a fake breakup and you are upset at him?
How about communicating like an adult?
If you made a mistake you should have said so immediately and with no corrections.
What a mess of your own making.
Call him
“Bob, I know we are broken up, but I made a mistake in ending it with you and how I spoke to you. Is there a way to fix it and reconcile?”
Newbie
You have been doing all the initiating plus apologized and set a date to which he didnt respond. What more do you want to do? I get it, you think this is all your fault and want to make it right. But there must have been reasons why you got mad in the first place? I think its best to let this one get away. Or sit back and see if he does anything to get you back. And if he does ring the doorbell just open the door. Its not that hard to do
Lane
Sometimes you have to live with the things you say, and choices you make. Its highly likely he may not be able to forgive, nor forget after taking some time to reflect on it. It sounds like he might not want to go down that road again, is OK with your decision to end it, and doesn’t want to reconcile?
At this point the ball’s in his court. Constantly reaching out to him is not in your best interest, because every time he hears or see’s something from you, it very well could be stirring up all those bad feelings and images of that fight. Being that its still so fresh in his mind, you need to give him time to get it out of his head but just know, he might not be able to.
I would seriously stop contacting him. Let him cool off, and give him space as he knows the door is open to talk, and will do so when HE’s ready, if he’s ready. There is nothing that you can say at this point, so I would stop poking, prodding, or pushing him into anything as that could very be what is slamming that door shut. Do the OPPOSITE of what your doing and give him some room, and if he doesn’t open that door, on his own, only then can you know.
Hopefully you’ve learned that handling it the way you did isn’t the way to handle or solve problems but only creates bigger one’s. This is a hard life lesson, and like my mother always told me “if you make your own bed, you get to lie in it.” Its possible you may not be able to get out of this bed you made, and will have to live with the consequences of your actions.
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