Meeting kids

I’m still not sure why this guy is such a catch to you. Is he hot with an above average you know what?

Seriously, every time you explain something it doesn’t make it better.

Here is what you have described:
50+ year old- Middle aged man with demanding job. Not fully divorced. 2 kids still in grade school who he can’t handle when he is home so has to call in mom to help. Mother has so much hold over him she guilt trips him by saying he’s taking time away from gf. Talks big about including said gf in family and friend functions but when push comes to shove makes it seem like the relationship will end in catastrophe. And it has to come to being pushed before action takes place.

Stop making excuses for him.
Can you name 5 things of value this man brings to the relationship without “I love him” being in the mix?

He’s a mess, isn’t divorced, can’t raise his kids alone (plenty of men can!), does whatever his mom says, doesn’t want evidence of you around for whatever reason, and has given you a lot of bs to keep you on the hook with very, very little follow through and only then with a fight.

You deserve better.

Someone can be over their partner. They can even be over their divorce. That does not mean they ever dealt with their issues before getting involved with their ex, though. His relationship with his ex may have failed in the first place because he’s a mess and has mommy issues, and he is so entrenched that nothing changed over the course of his last relationship! Maybe they were incompatible because she didn’t want to tolerate him doing these same things to her. He’s not going to be self-aware enough to tell you that. But over the course of your relationship with him, you are observing that he has a lot of issues he’s not dealing with that are getting in the way of your connection and leading you to be unhappy. I’d take a deep look into this and be honest with yourself about how compatible you actually are and if the relationship can meet your needs if things stay as they are now. It doesn’t matter if he pursued you hard at the beginning — it’s easy to do that when you’re excited about someone at the beginning and can temporarily ignore your real life issues when you’re overwhelmed by the blissful honeymoon period at the beginning of a relationship.

OP here- thank you all for support.
To answer some questions – he has not Introduced me to family except his kids. He has no other family around except his mom .
He has introduced me to some friends and colleagues so I’m not a secret.

Today we had a talk and I requested a break to think things through . I need to be strong .
It was quite clear in our talk that nothing was changing anytime soon. He even said something like , I still don’t know if you’re the one for me but it looks promising yada yada . That’s what did it for me . Also the way he was talking made it seem like it’ll be months to a year of me not being able to step foot in his house when kids are there bc of his mom.

I think you now know how things are going to unfold. So many red flags here. Biggest that he is still married! I had once sm years back interacted with a guy. He approached me and he did lot of chasing. Told me hes divorced. But subsequently he told me he is in the process of getting one and that the matter was filed and ongoing. His divorce came through and it was totally clear that he held no feelings for the ex whtsoevr.

But i sensed sm hesitation on his part. He said that now he was free and sngle, he just needs time to gather himslf. That he wasnot quite ready to commit just as yet.

I just walkd away. From that point on i alwys made it a point to stay away frm married, separated and those undergoing divorce. Bec evn if they get their divorce, they wld be in no state of mind to getttin hitched again so soon

Here not just that you have sooo many other issues. Am glad you had that talk. I doubt things between you guys wld progress anytime soon untill he gathers courage and puts his foot down in front of his mom.

Even if that is done, he has shown that he is incapable of taking care of his kids himslef. And that he needs help from his mom to do that. Are you ready to do so much for his kids? Or are you ready to have his mom in the background to take care of his kids.

You need to think of all these things.. i thnk ur still yng so its not like you dont hv time.

Good point about his mom’s age. My mom is in her late 70s and is in good health- she could certainly cook for and look after a 7 and 10 year old, but I’d feel guilty putting that kind of work on her on a regular basis. I know it would tire her. So to me that’s another strike against this guy, that he’s putting this strain on his elderly mother instead of getting his sh*t together and learning to take care of his own children. I’m sure the mother is overbearing, but he’s clearly fine with having no boundaries and letting his mother dictate the situation.

Tammy has a good point too, OP– you’re still young and have time. You’re the catch here, not this guy! I’m sure lots of guys in their 50s would love having a girlfriend in her 30s to play house with! You deserve a guy who’s on the same page as you and willing to give you what you want and deserve. Do you want to marry and have children? Does this guy want more children eventually? Even if he does in a few years, do you want to be having a baby with a guy who’s almost 60? This guy isn’t even divorced yet and won’t be rushing to get married again anytime soon, as others have pointed out. So why waste your time?