Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Men ARE Complicated. What to do With those Wishy Washy boys…
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 9 years, 11 months ago by
Stefanie.
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McKenzie
I’ve been on and off again with this guy named Scott.. we break up because of his commitment issues, and ALWAYS eventually get back together. One day he says he is crazy about me the next day he withdraws… He always seems to run back… He has recently told me that he doesn’t see a future for us and he is not interested in me… BUT since then he makes sure we spend everyday together. If we plan to go on a bike ride, but the weather is bad, he cooks me breakfast instead. If I’m studying at the library he brings me dinner… He is constantly texting and calling me, taking me out to eat, going on trips with me, anything i say i want to do- he makes it happen. If he gets something new, like a new racing bike or a garmin, or a drone… I’m the first person he shows- he drives over asap. He is always coming over to my place- for anything…drop something off… get something… show me something..We tease we laugh… we talk about our futures, our dreams our hopes our fears.. In fact the last time we broke up, he started to see the world more like I see it, things that are important to me he has started to do, learning languages, anti- human trafficking, non-profits… in fact- he took me to a couple of anti-human trafficking events and We for She events… He wants to start a business together and we always make travel plans together…. he cant take his eyes off of me and any excuse he can get to touch me or wrap his arm around me he takes.In group photos he always has to be next to me…He has signed up to be in classes with me next semester… and he serves me all of the time- taking out my trash- doing my dishes…he spent 2.5 hours during finals week trying to get the keys out of my locked car- without me even asking.. :) He started doing his hair how I’ve always wanted him to do it… everything I’ve every wanted in a man… he has started to do- life ambitions, weights at the gym..european suits… religious stuff… etc.. we run races together… and are triathletes… and love to backpack… BUT right now I’ve put a hold on any kissing… and I’m going out with other guys.(he hasn’t been out with another girl since he met me) He has always said he doesn’t know what he wants…and he apologizes for being so non-commital…. I love him- but do I need to let him go? stop seeing him completely? will he ever decide we might have a future?
Okay… So I know it should be obvious… like you said… he said he had no interest and we had no future…so i should take it at face value… and move on- but if when a man says “I love you” but his actions say otherwise you go by his actions and get out… shouldn’t it be true the other way around too? If he says- I’m not interested… but makes sure we are together 24/7, plans our futures, cant keep his hands off me, takes me out, does flipping yoga with me because i like it… wouldn’t you say there is more to the story?or am i completely crazy? Should I stay friends with him, going out with other guys… and just see if anything happens with him… or should I not talk to him for 6 months… or never talk to him again…
Can i have any hope?
thanks!LauraL
Hi McKenzie – welcome!
I was in a very similar situation. My best friend was a guy- we dated on and off and he told me the same thing – he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
So I believed him. He did exactly like your guy- doing things for me, treating me so well…it was confusing!! He even told me he loved me. But I believed him when he told me he didn’t want a relationship and I dated other guys. I should say that I dated other guys in order to FIND another guy. I WAS NOT dating to make him jealous. Through it all, he was my best friend.
After a year of this, he came around and said that he was ready and wanted to be with me. We have been exclusive for over 8 months now and it has been amazing.
So I’d say- keep doing what you’re doing. Date other guys (seriously, and not to make him jealous) have your own life…if he comes around, great. If not, great. You have your own life and other guys so he’s not your world.
I’d also say – yes, based on my experience, there’s hope. Much luck to you.
ANON
Well that blasts the if he says he’s not ready for a relationship then he’s not into you theory out the water!!!
Stefanie
Laura, that’s great… you are one of the exceptions it worked for…
ANON… bless your little pointed head… the reason it worked for Laura is because she truly moved on and he came around of his own accord. This does happen on occasion. No one ever said it doesn’t. Our point that we make by constantly saying if he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, believe him and move away from him. Chasing him won’t get him. But since you don’t want to hear that, just keep chasing whomever you want to chase and best of luck with it.
McKenzie, Laura got it right. Believe what he says and don’t hold up your life for him. (And also don’t rub his nose in dating other guys trying to force him closer). Sounds like he’s a good guy and cares for you. Maybe he will overcome his own objections in time.
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