Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Men saying "Let's meet up some time" but it never happens
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Dee Dee
Hi everyone :-) I’ve just had an interesting few months being single and enjoying experiencing different men. It has been a fun and interesting journey to some extent to feel light and free to experience men I feel an attraction to but I’m also feeling that an end to this journey is coming- that with each short encounter with men it can be quite destructive to realise that they are not really there for me and can easily and quicky go to someone else because “we are not in a relationship”…
So I’ve had a flirty phase which I realise was becoming quite destructive to me. Then I started to put out there that I want a deep connection with a real deep solid man and I attracted these types of beautiful men into my life who have been saying to me “Let’s meet for a cup of tea” without being sexually motivated, which is what I am looking for. These men seem like my dream men! However these meetings never happen. Just saying to eachother a few times “yes it would be lovely to meet soon” but then it never happens. I even bump into these beautiful deep men on the street some times and we say “Would be lovely to meet soon” but not to the extent that they actually go and organise a specific date to meet…
I really want to heal this situation and have the men chasing me who really want to be with ME, not just a sexual motivation. I really appreciate your responses. I really want to spend time with these deep, beautiful men in my life. Not just the ones interested in sex.
Many thanks, Dee
Lane
Hi Dee Dee.
Its always best to let the man lead and initiate, but sometimes you don’t know if their just being nice, friendly or attracted in a way a man needs to be attracted to a women. Men have a certain TYPE, physical first, and then the look at the personality, energy, wit, traits, goals, etc.
Men pursuit women like they pursuit everything else in life, such as a career, car, hobby, etc. I like using the car analogy because it shows how men think. If he looking for a silver 4 x 4 super cab truck (physical features) then he’s not going to spend a lick of energy test driving convertibles, SUVs, or four door sedans. So if you don’t posses the right physical features then a man won’t put any energy or effort in pursuing you.
If you do meet his physical requirements, then he will take you out on test drives (dates) by checking out the qualities and traits (features) to see if you match those as well. If you’re a 4 cyl (very shy) and he prefers a V8 (very active) then he’s not going to move forward. However, even if you’re a V& he’ll continue to check out all the other features to see if you’re someone he would be willing to commit to.
Whether a man is looking for something deep or not isn’t the issue, its whether he’s physically attracted to you first, and if so, determining if you have the qualities and attributes he looks for in a partner/mate. In a nutshell, once you show them your interested, then its up to them to decide if they will pursuit or not—if they don’t, its not personal, it just means you don’t fit within the criteria that makes him go ga-ga.
Kerri
I think i hear what your saying: I have this guy who I talk with regularly on line. I am interested and have yet to meet him. I have suggested to him that I would like to meet him, he winks on-line, looks at my profile daily, messages me etc… yet when it comes to him saying alright, how about next Wed? He doesn’t actually plan and set a date– yet says he would love to meet me! Is this what your saying Dee-Dee?
Raven
These guys are not who they set them selves up to be. Don’t get emotionally tangled up with them cos they won’t ever follow through.
I have a couple of guys like this who hover around my online dating profile. I don’t engage with them anymore & feel a little sorry for them…
Dee Dee
Thanks for the replies. What I gather from this is that men sometimes might just be friendly but not necessarily interested in me. A man who is interested in me would make the time to meet, not letting things fizzle out…
In a bigger picture, I want to bring men into my life who are really interested in me and pursue me…
Ivy
Dee Dee, One thing interesting that I saw in your post is that you went from men you pursued you heavily but weren’t into a relationship to men who expressed interest in meeting up with you but didn’t follow through. Is this right?
Second, do you want men to chase you, or do you want to find one good man for a relationship? Men chase hollywood stars and some hollywood starts are depressed, do drugs, have low self-esteem, get divorces —– so decide what is imporant to you, to be chased, or to find a compatible man for a loving relationship.
Back to the maybe date guys. One thought I had was you attracted lots of men with being flirty, you tuned it down to attract men who are not just interested in you for the physical, is this right?
Well, I am thinking that maybe you tuned off the flirty too much and the man saw you as more friendly and then didn’t have the drive and real interest to pursue you, and/or just wasn’t interested enough to go on a date. See, attraction and flirty is great, but you still want the relationship guy, you still want the emotional connection. You don’t have to turn flirty off to get the relationship guy.
I guess I am just throwing some thoughts out there for you to ponder as it was unclear these two experiences you had.
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