Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Merry Christmas text before first date?
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Nate.
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Nate
I apologize if I’m in the wrong zone as being a guy on a dating advice site for women, but I accidentally came across this site when looking for some tips.
So I recently asked out this girl at work which was a little awkward because I have bad anxiety but despite that, she gave me her number and said yes so I’m trying to keep it casual by doing a first date bowling.
I overthink a ton especially when it comes to dating so I’m not sure if I should send a merry Christmas text before our first date which is the next day after Christmas.
I was thinking a text somewhere along the lines of “hey just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas! Can’t wait to see your epic bowling skills tomorrow 😉”
Go with or nah? I’d hate to mess things up.
Maddie
Nothing wrong with that! Shows interest and also works to confirm the date. Good luck and have fun.
Raven
Send it & have fun on your date!
Tallspicy
Perfect! Send away!
Nate
I might not send it. I’m way overthinking it. I know you guys are saying send it and I probably should but I don’t want to come across as fake mr. Nice guy.
It’s weird because it’s like if we went on 1 to 2 other dates this would be a no brainer of sending a merry Christmas text but since we haven’t gone on the first date yet I don’t want to come across in a negative way despite the positive text.
I want to be as authentic as possible and also a gentleman which means I’ll act that way on the date because that’s who I am but through text right now I overthink till I freeze up like this.
Anxiety, love it, can’t get enough of it.
I
Liz Lemon
Why would it be fake? It’s good manners to confirm the date the day before. And it’s good manners to acknowledge the holiday. So you’re a gentleman if you send it. You’re definitely overthinking.
Nate
We did confirm the date two days ago but like you said it’s good manners which isn’t a bad thing to develop more of. It’s funny you bring up the manners bit because I was talking to my mom yesterday about the state of dating for younger adults these days and she believes one thing that lacks with us younger generations is manners.
I don’t believe chivalry is dead, I believe in being a gentleman, and having good manners is part of that. I believe in treating the women I’m with like the way I’d treat the current women in my life (sisters, mom, cousins,etc.) which is with respect. Be myself authentically but still with respect and being a gentleman.
I hate that I overthink so much but I think I’ll be fine and I’m going to go with sending it because of remembering to have good manners which ties into respect.
Thank you to all of you and happy holidays as well.
Tallspicy
Nate,
I am sorry to ask, but should you be dating at all? This level of anxiety will leak out at some point. You may want to consider working with a therapist so you can work on what seems to either be deep insecurity or anxious attachment. Both are corrosive if not managed. You can do it, but I doubt you can do it alone.
Tallspicy
Please read up on how to be more secure with yourself and in dating.
Nate
You know I honestly don’t know if I’ll succeed or not in dating especially with my anxiety. All I know though is that I have to try.
I’m looking for love and don’t want to live with the regret that I potentially passed on it.
I feel that I have the most anxiety in the beginning of dating because there’s so much expectation and trying to fluff our selves up and what not.
I feel a lot more ease when the whole beginning phase is over and we’re both comfortable with each other.
I’ve been working on my anxiety for years and I’m still where I am. Things don’t seem like they’re going to change anytime soon so why should I sit by while others are falling in love?
Tallspicy
Nate,
How have you been working on your anxiety? With a professional therapist who specializes in anxiety, or somatic processing or anxious attachment?
You can change it. It is called neuroplasticity and it is about changing the brain and the body. There are a lot of books available on the topic as well as practitioners. It is hard work, but you can become earned secure by doing the work.
I applaud that you want to move forward, but it is very draining on the other person to feel that insecure energy pulling on them for validation that you are ok. Your job is to make you safe, not the other. You want to work towards being ok (does not mean no disappointment or nerves) no matter what.
Men have a hard time getting the help they need because it feels hard to find. In todays world it is not hard to find. You can do it.
Good luck and enjoy your bowling
Nate
I’ve been working on it by speaking to multiple therapists over the years, self help books, working on myself, etc.
I believe that part of my anxiety when it comes to dating is that I don’t feel worthy enough based on the lack of relationships and/or attention from women. It’s not healthy but I’ve placed way too much value on being in a relationship and I’m learning more as I get older to not put anyone on a pedestal or something on a pedestal to feel better about myself. I believe that creates an unhealthy yearning for validation.
Even though it’s easier said than done, I need to be more chill when it comes to stuff like this. I feel that I need to let things happen organically and not try so hard. Yes I want to care and be a gentleman and treat a potential partner with respect and love but at the same time, I don’t want to put anyone on a pedestal or lessen myself to boost someone else up.
I believe that a genuine healthy relationship stems from two people simply genuinely being into one another from the complete start. No games, no ill intentions, just genuine interest.
I’m going to just be chill, be myself, and also try to have as much fun as possible. Dating should be a fun experience when approached with the right mindset.
Thank you for your advice and if I don’t come back here for more advice, I wish you all the best of luck on finding your piece of the love pie.
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