Messed up on 2nd date! How do I get another chance?

Please don’t contact him again! And no it’s not a good idea to contact him in 2 weeks to say “you’re still not over him” because that makes you look even crazier after only 2 dates!! When my husband and I were dating we had a conversation one night about our worst first dates. He told me about a girl who had a crush on him, she called him asking to meet her out and she was already drinking when he got there, she continued to get so drunk on their date she couldn’t drive home, he had to take her home and she was hanging all over him trying to have sex and when he turned her down she locked herself in her bathroom crying! He just left and no he never went out with her again. 

I jokingly ask him what if I had acted like that on our first date. He said I might have gone out with you again but I could never have had a relationship with someone who acts like that! You show your crazy to a guy too early and he’s going to run in the other direction! Saying hurtful things to a guy on the 2nd date? It’s not like he’s going to forget that easily even if he does forgive you. 

Let’s turn this around. What if the guy had done this to you? Gotten drunk, acted like a fool and said hurtful things to you? Just because he apologized would you be willing to give him a second chance? I wouldn’t. And I haven’t. There have been a few guys who got drunk on their first date with me and after being married to an alcoholic for 20+ years I had no use for that. It’s called a red flag and I don’t tend to ignore them.  

No, I don’t think there’s a chance, honestly. You still did not explain what hurtful thing it was you said to him, so I’m going to assume it was pretty bad.

The morning after he may have “forgiven” you just to get you out of his house & avoid a confrontation. He may have feared another blow-up from you, if you had acted crazy the night before. He probably just wanted you gone and said whatever he thought would get you out.

So I wouldn’t base anything now on what he said then. Even if he meant it at the time, he may have thought about it and decided he didn’t forgive you after all. I wouldn’t blame the roommate. Depending on what you said, it may have been unforgivable.

Remember, you’re a woman he’s been out with twice, not a girlfriend. A guy is going to be much slower to forgive a woman he barely knows for being hurtful, than he would a girlfriend. It’s like Kaye said, you showed your crazy too soon and he most likely doesn’t want any part of it.

Anyway if he wants to see you again, he knows how to reach out. I would most definitely not contact him in a couple weeks saying you want another chance. I don’t think he will respond well to that at all.

I have to agree with the other responses. I don’t think you will get another chance and you definitely should not in any circumstances ever contact him again. He was probably being polite and not wanting another confrontation when he implied he would see you again.

For the life of me i cannot imagine what sort of hurtful things you could have said to a guy you only went on two dates with … i mean you don’t even really know him so I’m assuming it was pretty out of order!

Learn from this one x

Wow, he got defensive and started yelling at you? So you went off on him? On your second date?! I’ve been with my boyfriend 2 years and we’ve never shouted or gone off on each other! We’ve had disagreements, we’ve been upset & argued, but we’ve never been disrespectful and hurtful to each other. And we’ve been quite drunk together too.

Why did you think “it was the start of something good”? It sounds like you dodged a bullet! Seriously. You and this guy do not sound good together. Let go of whatever fantasy you’ve made up in your head, because it’s not reality.

We base our decisions on what we know of someone – this is why a bad date early on usually means there’s no second date.

The truth is, you showed bad judgement several times over. Getting very drunk in the first few dates is unwise – even if they aren’t shady/don’t take advantage there’s the risk you’ll vomit over yourself or make some kind of fool of yourself.

You then had a blowout with him over what? Just what made you so mad that you started getting insecure and namecalling a guy you’d only met once before? What kind of hurtful things could you even say to a guy you barely knew?

He got offended. Or maybe he didn’t – but even if he just thought it was the drunk ravings, it doesn’t mean he liked it or had fun. People want to have fun when they go on dates – they want to flirt, and talk about shared interests and get to know someone. They certainly don’t look forward to being insulted or having someone pitch a fit. If you were in the same situation, would any of your friends suggest you give that guy a chance? Would you even feel happy or safe to do so? I think a lot of us would find the idea of seeing that person again unappealing. Not when there are plenty of epople out there who probably won’t act like that.

He realised – this might be what you are like every time you have a bit too much to drink. Or what you may be like every time you have an argument in the future. And frankly, nobody would want to sign up for that after 2 dates. Maybe that’s not you at all, but he has no way of telling if this is normal for you. He just knows it’s clearly very offputting behaviour.

If he liked you, nobody could persuade him to give you up. Unfortunately, you killed whatever attaction he had by acting way out of line. Don’t blame this on anyone else: it’s entirely on you. Its OK – there will be other boys. Just look after yourself! Take it easy when you go out.

And if you do have some insecirites that make you go overboard with people get therapy. Because that won’t go away when you start dating.