Miraculous Coaching Results – Feedback

So I’ve had a lot of coaching in my time, but I’ve never experienced anything like the intervention Eric did last weekend in writing. It is by far the most powerful transformative impactful coaching I’ve ever experienced through writing – by far.

8 days ago, I was lost, broken, confused, obsessed and heartbroken over a guy I couldn’t be with. My head and my heart were being messed with and because I had still to see him twice a week, I couldn’t seem to break out of it and have him leave me alone. Thoughts and longing for him consumed my mind day and night and no matter what I tried (and I tried EVERYTHING I could think of), I couldn’t break out of it. It affected everything, sleep, eating, my focus at work. It was the worst. Literally, a dream turned into a nightmare and I just couldn’t wake up.

Then I read the other posts the kind ladies here write. And I felt safe enough to open up. I realised I wasn’t alone in what I was experiencing.

Then, Eric posted the most powerful wake up call I’ve ever read in my whole life.

Eric, I felt different on reading it immediately, but didn’t want to post feedback too early until I’d had a chance to test it properly the next time I saw the guy.

I can tell you now, even though he still comes to mind at times, he no longer has a hold on me like before. Even better – I saw him twice this week and I was a Queen to myself!

Tuesday night I spoke to him and interacted like a normal person for the first time in ….forever with him! I was totally present and more than anything else, curious – I wanted to see how he was going to show up in the interaction. I even remember standing there opposite him whilst we were talking, thinking, let’s see how he behaves, and then watching and observing him carefully, being totally natural and present in the moment as it was unfolding. It was awesome.

When I went home at the end of the day, I didn’t obsess over him like I used to, or rerun the night a million times in my head trying to decipher what it all meant.

I literally did nothing, didn’t try to repair or fix anything. I just let myself be and attended to the business at hand as it presented itself. (Just as you’d guided and predicted.)

I felt the night a great success – but Thursday was the big test. He’s a martial arts instructor and he was due to grade my daughters that night. We’d be together for 2 hours, and as part of that I would literally have to stand there staring into a room in his direction for half an hour and I knew he would be watching me too. How would I cope?

Well it turns out, like a trouper. I was cool, kind, respectful and confident.

It wasn’t a night without challenges. Emboldened by my pleasantness on Tuesday, he did stand that little bit too close and try … well let’s just say a whole lot host of Drama! I just kept repeating “pigsty” to myself a few times. The butterflies stopped. I tore my eyes away from his form (turn the TV off!) and I remembered that “This is not love. This. Is. Not. Love. This is DRAMA. This. Is. DRAMA.” I spat it out Eric!

You’re so right. What had been happening had NOTHING to do with love and relationship. I wasn’t even in the same building (literally) and not even in the same country (metaphorically even. This was a million miles away).

And you know what happened, when he asked me a friendly question, I was able to respond naturally and normally like a normal decent and sane human being. I just spoke to him and walked with him as I would with any other friend. It was so neat. I haven’t spoken to him like that for MONTHS!

When I had to engage in more necessary conversation about my children’s training later, it was fine. I was more than fine. When he turned up the anti and started making more overtures to me, I easily and coolly ignored them each time as if they weren’t even happening. I was so natural, it was beautiful. Really, I am so impressed with myself. And of course by that I mean, I am so impressed with the changes you were able to help me inspire in myself.

I have no words to truly express the depth of my gratitude. When I read your first post, it really shocked me. It felt like someone had literally just slapped me in the face to wake me up. I read it again and again slowly, following every single instruction as you directed. I felt different straight away. I actually literally felt taller and bigger somehow all of sudden as I was standing there in my kitchen. I knew I both felt and was, different straight away.

And then I felt like the ground was moving under me. As if it was giving way, like some kind of massive earthquake happening below me. It was scary and I actually started to hyperventilate for a bit. I knew that every word you’d written had been perfect and exactly what I needed to hear. But I was suddenly off balance too. A bit ashamed and embarrassed. But also stronger and more upright. But shocked and scared and off balance all the same.

I managed to calm myself enough to go out as I was due to go to the movies. But the world had just shifted for me. It wasn’t just a paradigm-shift, it was if my whole world suddenly came crashing down and everything felt upside down.

I remember driving in my car and questioning every single relationship in my life (including family). I didn’t know what love was anymore and I lost all sense of north and direction and just experienced a sense of …. oh no, the bottoms just fell out of my world and I don’t know how to navigate it anymore. What is true and what isn’t? Who can I trust and who can’t I? What if I can’t trust anyone now? Is everyone ultimately selfish?… It was very disconcerting, very… unbalancing.

I knew I had work to do and processing to figure out. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. But your second post solved the whole issue for me and put the world back up the right way round for me. Like a mother to her child, you guided me and comforted me and showed me that everything was ok, I was okay and my life was getting better now. It’s like you held the space for me and you stroked me on the forehead like I do with my children and helped me get back up again and stand up stronger and taller and wiser than before.

I wish I could tell you how much I value you and your kindness and generosity. As well as your incredible skill and talent. Those two posts are literally just mindblowing. I can see some of what you did in them, but I’m guessing there’s so much I’m not even seeing. Really that was like a 1000 megawatt powerbolt you threw through that first post, everything firing at once on all cylinders. I felt the full effect of your incredible kindness, power and generosity as a coach too.

Truth be told, my childhood impressions keep arising about being a nun (a lover of God!) and I keep coming back to the fact that maybe I’d like never to be in a relationship ever again (though everytime I read your posts you make me believe it’s worth being in one because great ones do exist!), but next week when I get paid, I’ll be buying your programme anyway as it’s the best way I can think of to thank you. You’ve literally given me my life back. My mind is freer than it’s been in a long time. He no longer dominates my every thought. There’s still some work for me to do, but I’m better placed to do it than ever before. And I’ve had a stronger week at work than I’ve had in a long time too. Focusing is so much easier. My career has a chance to explode now.

And I just love how I showed up at Tuesday and Thursday classes now, it’s like I’m back to my normal sense and I’m free to be me again.

I don’t doubt it’s still not over for him yet. Maybe he blames me for how I was in the beginning, but that’s not my problem anymore. Any upset he feels now, that’s for him and his girlfriend to sort out now. He’s her problem now. I am free and I’m going to keep repeating “pigsty!” (ugh, it stinks!) and rereading your intervention anytime I want to strengthen myself again. When I future-paced to test myself, I can even see myself smiling and being friendly with both of them if he decides to bring her in again on my days.

Maybe he and I will even be friends at some point in the future. Probably distant future!

For now though I’m meeting each moment as it happens. Seeing how people show up when they’re with me. It’s fascinating and enlightening. Why did I never do this before?!??!!!?

You also helped me realise the truth about my marriage. For over a decade I was interacting with a love story I had in my head of who I thought the ex husband was. I never even saw the real truth of the man that was showing up infront of me. My God. That was my whole entire marriage.

(Thank God my children came and woke me up! A mother’s love!)

I feel like my whole life is different now. I’m choosing to be awake in all my relationships now, personal and professional. It feels like a novel and beautiful way to be compared to the way I’d fallen into before. So much more fun and light and interesting. Curiosity is much more fun and interesting way to live! It keeps every moment new and fresh and alive.

I’m actually not new to the practice of presence or mindfulness or any of these concepts. This is why your intervention is all the more powerful, because the way you’ve shared and guided me through these concepts still feels revolutionary for me. You spoke directly to the heart of me and the root of my problem. And you did it out of the goodness and purity of your heart, without wanting anything back, because you genuinely care about your clients and your forum readers. This is real love. This is alignment with “L’amor che move il Sole e L’altre Stelle”.

Thank you deeply. I’m so grateful to you for this and for leading the way for us all. For being an inspiration and an example for the kind of love, regard and purity we can expect in our own love lives.