Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Mixed Signals
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Sienna
Hi everyone, I am currently in a very confusing situation and would love for someone to give me his objective clear opinion. It’s a long story :)
So I just moved to a new city, and met a guy at work 6 weeks ago (now I know that most people would tell me to stay away from coworkers, but it just happened.. Too late for that)
Anyway, so we started hitting it off and going out like on dates, kissing, spending the night/weekend together and he was very very cute and caring. We never discussed our feelings, he claims he isn’t talkative and very bad at communication. I’m not that good either. I accidentally sometimes s33 some girls names on his phone like he always has a message from snapchat, instagram blabla but he never uses his phone while with me.
Suddenly, things started to slow down from his side which for me, I took it as a sign that he is no longer interested. Although I still see him everyday (at work, obviously) and he still manages to text me at night – much less than he used to (i rarely initiate texts) so it got a little bit confusing.
This weekend he has his friend (a she) visiting the city and staying over, I was fine with that since 1/he was very honest and casual about it (he could have lied) 2/I really think it’s over between us.
So I tried to talk to him yesterday about his plans, he was like yes we might for grab a bite; I casually said do u want to have a drink? He was like ok sure we will be out in a 20 mins see you. 20 mins later he texts me that his friend doesn’t want to meet new people, and she is very boring blablabla. Now obviously, I take the hint and would think that he is giving me a signal that he is not interested. Now the turn of events is that since I haven’t replied, he spammed me with messages saying sorry and he wanted to see me and he missed me and we didn’t spend time together in a long time (a week) and that we will spend time together next week.
I’m not sure honestly if I should invest in a talk or let it go or keep things as is.
Any opinion would be very helpful! Thank you for baring with my super long story :)
Ss
You posted before on this? Friends sleeping over? You got lots of good advice on that thread.
I think you should sit back and observe his actions… at the moment he is giving you pretty words and they are keeping you tethered but unless he actually plans and sets a date I would drop him.
The friend staying could be an issue but since you are not exclusive you can’t really comment…
redcurleysue
He could have talked his friend into having a drink – he did not. I would say this guy is not all that interested – so if that is ok with you then continue to see him – if you want more then this is not the guy for you.
K
He could have also let his friend know he was going out to grab a drink with you and he’d be back in two hours. He didn’t do that either. Interesting.
You didn’t give all the details on the other post you made about this, like you work with him.
You’re in a gray area, as you’re not officially a couple. You really can’t and shouldn’t make a stink about this “friend” staying with him for the weekend.
I suspect that Redcurleysue is right, he’s not very interested. Go meet other guys who you don’t work with. Let this situationship fade away.
Newbie
You are saying you started to see each other 6 weeks ago, its not defined, he lost interest and now is sorry he didnt reach out and will make it up to you. I think thats possible but for what? More undefined? If he reaches out again and you agree to some sort of date, ask him how he views the two of you. That will be your answer. I suspect he is just in it for casual as you were sensing all along
Anon
I would reply back- looking forward to talking to you soon. That’s it. If he’s into you, he will contact you and set up a date and follow through. I don’t think he had any intention of you meeting his friend as it would imply you’re in a relationship with him, which you’re not. You are dating.
Sienna
Hi guys, thanks for replying back with your advices.
Following the ‘incident’ of Friday (lol), he is back to being very talkative on whatsapp, asking me what I am doing every couple of hours and we discussed what happened on Friday briefly. I told him it was not nice to cancel last minute and that it made me really upset and then said that there is no need to bring it up again anymore. He said he is sorry again and that he really wanted to see me and missed me. I told him yeah it’s been a while, he answered last week u were busy. I’m not sure why he is being this nice and putting on efforts if he is not interested at all.. I think I will need to see what he will do once his friend (which I’m very skeptical about) leaves and probably yeah have a small talk when we meet outside the office..Newbie
There is a saying used on this site frequently that states: dont be an option to someone else. And i think you should take note that is exactly what you are doing here. Being available for this guy when he wants to. If you care about this man and like to try for a relationship at least have a talk about both of you being exclusive sexually for now while seeing if you are a good match. Staying in limbo while waiting for this guy will do you no good. State what you want and if its not mutual, move on
Sensy
Just go out with him next week and see how he acts.
Sienna
So we went out today (we are actually on a work trip together); we talked, he assured me that the friend who stayed over was just his friend and nothing happened and he was very positive apologizing about what happened etc, and he mentioned that months from now we will be laughing about it.. We ended up spending the whole night together. We almost talked about us but given that we both suck at communicating, we just mentioned that we shouldn’t over think whatever is between us.. Is it wrong that after the fade away he did last week i no longer trust him? (he did explain why he didn’t see me the whole week though). I started re exploring my options since then and I have a date on Thursday, I’m not sure if I should cancel..
Anon
Keep living your life. If he is interested in making you his girlfriend then he will. Go out on the date and have a great time.
Lane
You are way overthinking this! Why are you getting all twisted up in a knot over this guy? You are a single lady, have a life, and should be spending your energy on the positive, not what some guy you hardly know is doing or not doing.
If a man isn’t stepping up, you step back and live your life the way you did before you met him. You are in a new city where I’m sure there are lots of things to explore and should be exploring it! Meetup.com is great way to make new like minded friends as I found it to be a wonderful way to meet new people and explore the area doing fun things like a day boat river cruise, kayaking, local festivals, hiking….you name it, they got it!
Fill your calendar up with fun things and you will hardly notice he’s alive if he’s not letting you know he’s alive haha.
Tallspicy
I think that you just excusing away poor communication on both sides is pretty sad. It is something you should be working to improve.
And how did you get to don’t overthink stuff? Were you pushing for a conversation? Or did he just say it? Either way, it is a yellow flag and should be taken as such.
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