Mixed Signals

I’m sure other women will chip in here… IMO I would not take the approach you are taking. Men rarely take friendship into romance.

Plus… The man has to pursue you. He should be the one sending you texts, Checking in, providing messages that make your day. You are essentially in pursuit mode. Albeit it’s slow pursuit, but nonetheless its chasing him.

Men have to chase you and feel as if they won. You making it so easy just strokes his ego and are not a challenge.

More times than not ‘taking it slow’ ‘ and being busy with work’ are code for a man telling you he isn’t interested in a relationship with you. So you can wait around and keep this ‘friendship’ up but you may also end up really hurt when your friend tells you he started seeing another woman. Because, after all,your just a friend.

I hope you are dating other men right now and not putting all your hopes into this one.

Honestly, I don’t want to sound mean but sounds like you are the one pursuing this guy. If he’s too busy working he shouldn’t be dating.

I have had success with advice given in books but I can confirm all my theories on the site. The main and I think most effective of all is, be happy without him, live your life and have fun, stop pursuing him and if he really wants he will look for you. Otherwise he will continue to be elusive. You’re acting like a man, he’s acting like a shy girl, don’t invert the roles.

I knew you would disagree! But I am in test mode!

So, after talking with a friend I rely on she said contact him. So I did. I sent him txt: I want to take you to lunch. I leave on 9/10 and I want to see your face. Can we catch up?

He responded immediately and asked if it could be Tuesday or Wednesday.

I guess he has today off and yes he didn’t contact.

So, we are scheduled to meet on Wednesday for lunch.

I will keep you posted if he doesn’t show up!

Leigh I remember your original post on this guy. You were given overwhelming advice to cease and desist when it came to this guy but you were (and apparently still are) hell bent on doing it “your way”.

You asked about success stories, I have one. I met my guy online, we’ve been dating almost 2 months. He does 95% of the initiating, he sets up dates, is clear about his intentions and always follows through. I got to him by stopping myself from trying to force each guy before him to be the right one.
You will live a life of what you consider “mixed signals” if you don’t stop trying to force things to work that shouldn’t.
Have you considered that you may be bypassing a great match by focusing your energy in the wrong place?

It will be very interesting to hear what happened.

The thing is this: your sociological ‘test” or experiment has already been proven out over centuries of dating and relationships.

Men pick the woman and pursue. Women select from the men that PURSUE the one that best fits them. Proven in man and the animal kingdom.

So test away, hun.. :-). Let us know. But I agree you could be missing out on the man who really wants you by experimenting with this one .

Here is my success story. Met a man at the gym.. He had been clearly interested over a year, but I was in a relationship. Wheni became single again, he pursued heavily. Took me on dates, planned everything. We got engaged in 4 months and married within the year. We celebrated our first anniversary yesterday.

I didn’t have to chase, wonder, pursue, anything. You see when a man is interested? Shy or not, he knows how to get you.

Xyz, Congratulations! So you knew right away that you 2 would be good together?

How old are you?

What were you looking for before you met him?

YOU told HIM you want to take him to lunch? I’m still confused as to why you think pursuing him is the route to go.
I’ve seen your “experiment” play out many times before and it always ends with the guy either friend zoning the woman or completely rejecting her in some form or another because she didn’t give him the space to be a man and pursue HER, instead she pursued him, even when the signs were clear that he wasn’t that into her or wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with anyone.

When you take that away from a man and change roles, the role he is supposed to play by being the pursuer, it becomes unattractive to him and is a turn off over time. Men are attracted to women with feminine energy, part of that being you knowing you are the prize and he needs to pursue you and earn your time time and attention. You are honestly coming across a bit desperate by chasing this man. As I said before, while he may enjoy your friendliness, he isn’t suddenly going to wake up and start wanting to date you because you’ve already been so pressed to “win” him over and it’s not cute.

I am interested to see your follow up a few months from now when this experiment doesn’t work out like you hoped. Good luck

Lol! Yes, xyz, I can be considered masculine because I was never brought up to be a queen. NEVER was I told that a man should be begging for my attention, losing all sense of responsibility for their job to bring me into their life. That is all I see with the men I meet. The others are working, shy or hurt, in a relationship, or players! I was shown to get out there, earn your money, treat yourself well and they will come around. I dated carelessly when I was in my 20 – 30’s then worked on my confidence for 10 years. I was very insecure about connecting to anyone emotionally until 6 years ago. My life and heart blew open up after meeting a HS friend who I reconnected with via Facebook. The best experience for me even though he was commitment shy. We played, enjoyed each other physically and mentally and knew we needed to grow. He was beaten up from childhood and a terrible first marriage. He was getting better at feeling his worth as well as I was. Good guy! He was part of the reason I changed my entire life. Amazing!! But I had to end it. I am still working on myself as we all should. No one is perfect.

Gemini, why can’t I ask a male friend out to lunch? That baffles me. He knows I like him and he still said yes.. So, what is the issue? I don’t want him falling over for me. He took me out 2 times, why can’t I take him out once and maybe for the last time. There isn’t anything wrong with that. I feel empowered as a woman interacting with a man I like. If he is a no show I am very proud I gave it try!

We won’t know until we try!!

Oh Lane, lab rat? Really! I enjoy his company, he is very nice, I am treating him to lunch and I am exercising “my” technique. I’m not scrutinizing him as a man, asking him out then showing up with another man or blowing him off. I’m testing my abilities. I respect him, what he does and we have a lot in common. If he thought I was being deceitful he wouldn’t be responding. I guarantee it. He’s a cop.

All I’m saying here is why can’t we be a little forward with men. I love having the flexibility to interact with men fully knowing that I can be there for them. I reach out to men I know on Facebook to see if I can come by to say hello for the first time. Hadn’t met them face to face before. Although nothing will go further as far as dating is concerned they enjoy the attention and I now have a friend who hopes I will stop by again. And I will. There is nothing wrong with that. So, I am taking this opportunity , with the guy I invited to lunch, to see if I can use my friendship approach. I want to see if it can work.

I’ll keep you posted.

Lol.

“Friendship” approach? Seriously?

I’ll tell you what really gets a man going. Talking filthy to a man, and making him feel like a king in bed. Not “friendship”.

I’m quite forward too, but not in a testing or trying out “techniques” to nab a guy kinda way.

I’m forward in a sexual way, in a I know what I want way. But believe me, once they get a taste of what I give them, they keep coming back. I’m enough women for a man. Remember that word. Woman.

Use the gifts God gave you. Your femininity, your sensualness. Don’t take no shit. That’s what men want.

Just the fact you question whether he will show says a lot. Leigh, I believe this statement alludes that you believe you are deserving of emotionally unavailable men and thus why you are pursuing one.