Mixed Signals

When I catch myself getting the urge to pursue a man I think of one of my favorite movies- Gone with the Wind. Scarlett in GWTW didn’t pursue anyone except for Ashley, yet so many men pursued her but she wanted what she wanted. Ashley was nice enough to her, but he was very clear that he was going to marry Melanie. She ended up miserable in the end.

I think what others are saying about masculinity vs femininity is true. The man wants to be the man. Scarlett didn’t let Ashley be the man, and he friend zoned her from the start. :-)

It’s hard, but it feels so much better when they are with you because they chose you, not because they took you up on your offer. My marriage failed bc I pursued my ex husband and in the end he felt very emasculated (after 16 years of being together). I regret that.

I see a lot of guys saying they want to be pursued by women, that it would be refreshing, etc, and I think they like it simply because it means that they can relax and not have to do anything to keep the woman around (no effort) and then they can just dump her when they meet someone better or get bored.

And yes in response to the immature attacks towards me: Yes, I am testing out the system. There is no way I am going to learn unless I try, fail and then succeed. So, yes, I am taking your harsh attacks towards me and I am working with at my own pace. I’m am being open with my process. No need to be bitter about the truth of an actual dating story. That’s immature. This is a site to talk about dating. Not attack people. Sheesh!!

I guess I am curious why do you have to attack people?

Why are there so many relationships out there that dont work? A small percentage of them succeed? The numerous threads here is horrendous. Is it really that complicated? And No I am not spending $100s on the dating programs offered here. What a scam.

Come on ladies, what is the easy solution.

(1) we have to be queens demanding them to lower themselves to our expectations?
(2) we have to be emotionally distant?
(3) we can’t treat men like they are as worthy as we are?

I have seen so many dating promotions and they all say different things.

How come men are not posting here? That is where you need to get the real answers.

No one here attacked you. You were given constructive criticism and advice and because it wasn’t in line with what you insisted on doing, you took it as an attack.

And, as I predicted, it didn’t work in your favor! So you didn’t learn that a man doesn’t know how to accept being treated well; the lesson to take away here is that a man doesn’t like being chased! I don’t know what it’s going to take for you to understand that but I guarantee if you keep trying this “experiment” with different men you will get the same result. It is a turn off. If you read around a lot of dating advice preaches the same basic message which is to let the man lead and pursue and the woman should respond positively and warmly to show their appreciation and interest. You don’t have to chase him and do all these things just to show him you like him; just being warm and receptive to his efforts will make him feel appreciated and show him that you care. And the occasional nice gesture by you is fine, but you leading constantly is just not going to ever work in your favor.

I hope you do learn eventually the best way to navigate the dating world. Hopefully you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes.

WaitWhat, after 16 years of marriage, I would call that a successful pursuit. Why are you all giving the poster a hard time for going after who she wants in whatever way possible. I see nothing wrong with pursing a man. You go girl!

Nobody is giving the OP a hard time. She gave us all of the details of her “system”, and then at the end she asked “Has anyone had any luck with using the concepts from this site with success?”

The other posters were merely answering her question and giving their opinions regarding her system.

Leigh – I really do respect your honesty for the fact that you came back to this post to let everyone know what happened with your guy friend. I’m sorry that he was a jerk and he couldn’t see your value. If you want to REALLY test the system, I would suggest that you try doing the things that the other posters have suggested and see if that works. I would really be curious to know, after you tried the other way, whether you are able to turn things around with a different approach. Just a thought…

Thank you Gemini….

I notice the tone on here is very much aimed at how bad men are…but I have seen many real examples of why men SHOULD run from some women.

We only can hear one side of the story, but realistically? Just because a man isn’t into you doesn’t mean he is a bad person. Women need to get over themselves.

Every woman should feel great about herself and worthy of love. But it doesn’t mean a man is bad if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, that you feel about him. Learn to pick the ones that do want you. Men are not women and they do not date to get into relationships. They date for companionship, if you really do wow him, he will move mountains to be with you. If not, he will woo you and try to win your attention and sex. Men love the company of a woman. But he doesn’t look at every date as a prospective gf. Unfortunately, women tend to look at every man they date as a prospective bf. See the dichotomy?

Sorry for your loss Leigh. And yes, I don’t think this guy sounds bad at all. Sounds like a pleasant guy and he’d make a good friend, just maybe not something quite there romantically, at least not at this time.

Leigh, my condolences about your friend. Hugs.

I just want to say that I really admire you for your honesty and courage. Even if I don’t agree with your reasoning and experiment and self denial, you did what you wanted, which is to get your own answers. And if you’re strong and mature enough to handle the consequences, especially when they don’t go your way, then you did the right thing for yourself by satisfying your curiosity. You harmed no one, not even yourself or any bunnies. You’re stubborn too, but if you channel your determination in the right direction, you will succeed! Thanks for your post!

Hi.. I received a txt from the guy I have been chatting about here. I initiated a txt to him after him cancelling. Give me some slack. He was very nice and his last txt to me was “talk to ya later”. I left town and have been away. Yes, I thought about txting him because there were so many things he would like but I came back here and I didn’t. Well, he sent me txt today asking me how things were going. It is my birthday. I’m pretty sure he knows! He didn’t say anything about my birthday. It is still too soon for me to place standards on him. Anyway.. He contacted me after 12 days. I responded as I would normally do. Just a Hi and I updated him on what he was asking me. He hasnt contacted me again today.

So “let men chase you” forum. How did I do and what should I do next?

Lol! Did I say I was pursuing him? No, he is now pursuing me!

I have no intentions of contacting him. I responded as a friend! But as I let him go, didn’t contact him for 12 days.. He pursued me to see how I would respond.

I’m assuming he knows its my birthday! We never talked about it. But if he is familiar with dating as he has shown I’m sure he looked up my info since he’s a cop.