Mixed Signals

Let’s see! I’m not investing any time in it. I’m watching and observing. Yes, you are right Jules.. But he thought about me. Baby steps!

But let’s get this clear.. I am not looking for a downright relationship like everyone here. I am seeing how things will go with men who I find that I will good for and if they work on my time clock then maybe they can fit into my time schedule then it will lead into a relationship that “we” agree on. I don’t interview several men at one time. One at a time ladies!! Anything more I find it desperation for us and I don’t have time. This doesn’t mean I am not going out with men at all.. I just know from the beginning that with the others it’s not going anywhere and they know it also.

Thanks Kaye for the birthday wishes!

I just don’t think relationships start right away. Some feel that interviewing with expectations that month 3 should be this and 6 months should be that! I don’t see it that way!! Especially after 40. I was involved with someone for 5 years. We enjoyed each other. He got scared, showed me disrespect and I said stop calling me. He pursued me after. He was healing too. I understood that. It was bumpy but it was the best experience ever for me and knowing I need to change my “dating” protocol. I still love him after all of the BS he tried to force on me.

Why we all think that a man is going to act a particular way forever us SO wrong. So, “if” the man I want to be with shows up.. He better be ready to deal with me. The beginning is the trial period that could last a year. No 3 month, 6 month etc… It is undetermined.

I guess for me I am not in need of a man to fill a gap. Add to my life yes!

I don’t care how old you are ..a and I’m in decade 4 of my life. Men don’t change…if he wants a relationship with you , there will be no doubts… He will make it happen.. If you want to try to go against nature, go for it.. But relationships and mating are centuries old and don’t change.

Leigh,

sorry to come across harsh but this guy’s a lost cause. honestly. continuing to pursue him is like pursuing a potential heartbreak.

he’s just not that into you!

And PS, his last comment to me on 9/10 was “talk to ya later”. I let him go and guess what. He followed through as he said. He did talk to me later.

Let’s accept guys good qualities the best way we can. They aren’t perfect and might need to take baby steps.

I responded to his txt about my Mom and kept it brief. He did not continue the convo. I let it go.

Again my disclaimer is: this is a test and only a test. If it turns into something.. Great .. If not, I learned something wonderful.

Nope! No interest right now because my life is all over the place with travel, taking care of family, new job, going to school etc, etc. I have no time to interview! I do go out with a lot of my male friends who treat me very well. We both know it is not a date and we can have fun. It is a great confidence builder. I don’t walk away feeling disappointed!

My guy will show up when he’s ready… Or I’m ready. Right now, for me, its time to change my pattern when a guy I like appears. I’m testing out what is being advised here.

This guy is just helping my process!! If I never hear from him again, fine. But if my changes convinces him to pursue me then he will pursue me in the future. Let’s see! I like him!

I get that you are probably done with this guy and you rightly should be from what I can tell.

But if you want my “success” story it is that I took the advice to NOT initiate contact or chase him down. When I kept initiating contact and was effectively chasing him, he kept telling me he didn’t want a relationship, etc. When I pulled back on him he came back telling me he didn’t want to lose me and now we are “excusive.” We see each other at least once a week, when we don’t have our kids we spend whole weekends together, we are traveling together…I consider it a success because it is exactly how I wanted it to be.

AC, will you post more about your story. Do you continue to not chase?

a text of “how ya doing’ after 12 days is not a sign of being persued. Oh dear when will we ever learn?

Jules is right – he probly realised its been a ‘minute’ and thougth of dropping you a quick line. that’s it, nothing more. I have a guy I dated last year, we reconnected few weeks ago and he took like 2.5 weeks to responed to a text I sent. In my text I merely said “hi, remember me”. I left it alone. To my surprise 2.5wks later he replies to the text and asks if I’m available for a meet up that night or later in the week.
I don’t call this him persuing me, because of the time in between for his response. Unfortunatley we didn’t meet up until 2 weeks later when I was in his area for another meeting. At that time and only that time did I text him I’m in your area if your off work we can meet at Starbucks. He was getting off work and that’s just what we did. Hmmmm was I the persuer in this case??
I think not since I’m not interested in him in that way, he can be a good friend but nothing more so it didn’t bother me that he went so long to answer my text. When we dated now last year it use to bug the shit outta me but I learned that’s just his way and its one of the reasons I ended things or re created things so now we’re just ‘friends’. I knew then I wanted more and I knew it wouldn’t be from him.
But I don’t mind being the one to ask if he’s avail, since there is no interest and I know his style by now, its not a big deal.

As an update! Yes, I fell of the horse and sent him a TY text for thinking of me. It was the day before I was heading home. THEN.. My flipping phone was hit and dialed him early in the morning when I was getting on the plane. Ahhhh… So I was an idiot and sent him an apology. Needless to say I thought about it and said “what the flip are you doing girl”. He sends you a txt on your birthday without acknowledging it. I said to myself ” no way”. So, I removed his number from my contact list. What the heck? Why would he waste time on me when there is no interest on his part, we never slept together.. Blah, blah, blah!

Oh well, thought you’d like to know!!

Xo!

Good job on deleting his number. I’m pleased to see that you’ve finally understood.

Well we all deserve high quality love. I’m rooting for ya…I overcame codependency and I know you can face your issues head on and come out a stronger woman!!

Yes, you deserve the best.
Keep us posted on your journey!