Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Mixed signals from my ex?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Lane.
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Confused
Hi all, I’ve been broken up with my ex for almost 2 months. Our relationship was pretty tumultuous and the breakup was semi-mutual. We were on and off for a bit towards the end because our relationship was long distance and we were both in a not so great place and couldn’t make each other happy. I ended up moving back to the city we lived in together and since our breakup, things are going really well in my personal life. But, he still doesn’t want to be with me. When I say the breakup was semi-mutual, I mean that I was fed up with him acting more distant and told him I couldn’t do it. Ended up changing my mind but he had had enough and wouldn’t take me back.
Since our breakup, we’ve hooked up once and he has asked me to hang out with him recently. He wants to stay friends, he told me he misses talking to me, that he still cares about me, etc. When we talk about the past, he is still very passionate in the way he speaks about it. He still gets really angry and upset when discussing things I did to hurt him, and I know he still cares. He just insists that he can’t be with me right now. He even said “I don’t know what the future holds” in reference to us being together again. He is open to the idea I just don’t know when. Also when we text, he almost always gets back to me right away but he rarely texts me first anymore. He is truly the most stubborn person I’ve ever met so I feel that even if he still loves me so much he will never admit it because he wants to play the role of the bigger person.
I know he is pushing me away because our relationship was painful for both of us, but as I said, I am in a truly better place than I’ve ever been and know I could be a better girlfriend. I want to get him back but currently he is not interested in being romantic with anyone. I am trying to give him the space he wants but is there even hope? I am really set on getting this guy back but I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing. Thoughts?Paige
I might be missing something, but has it occurred to you that if things are going great for you and you’re in a better place than you’ve ever been in your life, the fact that you’re no longer with the guy might – just might – have something to do with it?
Yes, you might be a better girlfriend for someone at this point in time. (You might not.)
However, I’d be leery of insisting on getting back together with a guy:
1) Whom you hurt;
2) With whom you were miserable, and
3) Who has told you that he has no desire to get back into a romantic relationship with you.(Just so you’ll know, it’s hard enough to deal with a guy you f*cked over who says he forgives you and still loves you, because you’re always wondering if he really does worry if you’ll do the same sh*t you did before – regardless of how much time has passed.)
Take your newly-developed “good girlfriend” skills and apply them to a new guy who has no bad / hurtful memories of you to have to overcome.
Life is too short to be beaating your head against a wall all the time.
Paige
Sorry – “beaating” should be “beating.” My “a” key is messed up.
(Admin, we really could use an edit function as well as automatically closing comment functionality on posts once their creation date is past a certain length of time.
1) A log table and maybe an is_active field for the original and edited comments for the edits and 2) a job that runs daily to disable new comments on old posts would work and wouldn’t be that hard if you’re using SQL. Just a suggestion.)
kaye
It always makes me shake my head when someone hasn’t even been broken up for 2 months and they are going on about how they are such a different person and in a better place and know they could be a better girlfriend! Human nature really doesn’t change that quickly! Right now you miss him, and want him back but the odds are you will fall right back into your old patterns of a tumultuous relationship which was painful for both of you. I’m quoting your own words there! You were on and off, neither of you were in a great place, and you couldn’t make each other happy. And guess what?….he’s still saying that’s the case! He was being distant and you couldn’t deal with it. Now he’s STILL distant because he won’t take you back and is still angry about how you hurt him. He’s not initiating and doesn’t want to get back together but will hook up with you if he gets lonely. My suggestion to you is to truly look at your behaviors which caused you to hurt him and why the relationship was so painful and learn from it. If it’s hard for a stranger to believe you have grown and changed and are a totally different person than you were 2 months ago, imagine how hard it is for him to believe.
Lane
What I do know is that if a man isn’t fighting for the relationship then its best to move on permanently. Breakups suck. You go through a series of emotional highs and lows, but over time you start the process of detaching and he is seeking the companionship of others and if he meets someone he likes you will be in left in the dust.
You should never put yourself in limbo land. If there’s a break up and the man isn’t doing everything in his power to make it right, then put on those boots and start walking!
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