Mixed signals: One moment he makes me feel like a princess, then ignores me


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  • #266155 Reply
    CherryBomb

    4 months ago, I met a guy who works in a restaurant in my town. Every time I went there, I saw him looking at me and talking about me to his colleagues. One month ago he came up with a little note while he brought my food. “I think you’re really pretty, want to go out?” I said yes and that same evening, we went for a drink in the bar. My mom was at the same place (by accident) and came up to us. She asked him ‘What are your intentions with my daughter’ and he said he was a serious guy looking for a serious girl. Later that night, he said he was going home and kissed me on my mouth. Then on my hand. He said ‘you’re wonderful, can we see each other again, tomorrow?’. Since then we texted, and hang out every day together. He introduced me to all his friends, kissed me in public, went for dinner, went to the club,… He was so sweet. He asked me to have sex, and when I said ‘no, I need to be entirely sure you like/love me first’, he said it was ok and got to sleep. The next day he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet because his ex broke his heart real bad. We kinda had an argument and the next 2 days I didn’t see/hear him. He wouldn’t respond to my texts. A few days later I went to his work to talk, and everything seemed better. We didn’t do fun stuff together anymore. I went to his place, he went to my place. We were very attracted to each other so we had sex a couple of times. He was very sweet while and after everytime. Used to kiss my forehead and stroke my hair, but never told me he loved me. Used to give little kisses in my neck from behind. When I send him a text he didn’t respond. Yesterday I asked him to come to the bar, he said he couldn’t but he’d call me if he was back in town. He didn’t call at all and didn’t send me anything anymore. I sended him one more message, explaining my feelings and that I have feelings to, but he didn’t respond. Within 6 days he’s leaving for a couple of months to another country. I don’t know what to do… I thought he loved me because he wanted to meet my family, he was so nice to them, he told my mom he was very serious… but this… he’s breaking my heart and I’m afraid I’ll never hear him again.

    #266157 Reply
    CherryBomb

    By the way: it’s not like he completely ignores me after he slept with me. Sometimes he does send me messages asking how my day was etc, but now… nothing

    #266163 Reply
    tallady

    Sweetness, I am sorry you are in this spot. It sounds like you did not follow the initiate only once for ever 3 times they initiate rule.

    He told you he was not ready for a relationship – you went to his work, and then you stopped doing anything other than hanging out and having sex

    You would text him and he would not respond. And then you would text some more. One text, one response. Period.

    Then you thought that explaining you had feelings would change things. His actions already told you that he was not very considerate. Explaining only works in a mutual relationship.

    He was already not that great – by his actions and then he did not respond. Next time, let his bad behavior stand on its own.

    If he is moving, he is just fading out because he can. Please learn from this and let him lead next time…

    #266392 Reply
    LAgirl

    I’m sorry you are confused, but actually he was very clear with you, even before sex. You stated that he told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship and blamed a bad break up with ex on that.

    This means he was not going to pursue a relationship with you. You see, when you told him that you had to know if the man was in love or really into you, he realized that if he continued with you, it would be under false pretenses. So he clearly said he wasn’t wanting serious with you.

    THEN, when you had sex with him, he beleived that you were now OK with this. It was a message to him that you really didn’t mean a man had to be in love with you in order to bed you.

    This was a big mistake sweetie. You went against your own rule.

    The reason he pulled back from you is because you THEN admitted having feelings for him. He doesn’t want that with you :-( Men will disappear if he believes you are wanting more than he does in a relationship.

    I would let this one go and learn from it. Stick with your rules. Dont compromise or allow a man to have sex with you if he hasn’t indicated he is seriously interested in a relationship with you. Doing otherwise, is actually giving HIM mixed messages.

    #266460 Reply
    A New Mode
    Member

    Honestly, I agree with LAGirl 100%. It’s going to hurt, but it’s better to accept it for what it is…and move on…find peace, happiness and joy in your life without needing him or any guy for that matter to react to you in a specific way.

    The ONLY way to attract the love you want is to life your life in a way that feels natural, happy and comfortable. If something makes you feel bad, drop it. If he makes you feel bad, drop him.

    With time, you will look back on this and smile because you will see how far you have come. Trust me, I KNOW it feels like your heart is doing summersaults and you just want relief so badly…but this is a bad feeling…being in this mindset where you allow bad feelings to consume you will REPEL guys in general.

    Let me know how things go, I’m rooting for you. :)

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