Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › More advice
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Ava.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Ava
Hi everyone
I got chatting to a guy online a couple of months ago now when we were still in a full lockdown. I’d recently got out of something which was quite short but intense/confusing and let him know I was open to dating generally, but I was taking some time over lockdown to get back into the right headspace (I posted about the other guy here before). It’s a site for meeting friends in the area as well as dates so people are looking for different things but he’d specified he was looking to date.
He was fine about that, he’d got out of something longer term about 18 months before and had taken quite a bit of time before starting dating again – but he’d had a couple of dates since.
Since then we’ve chatted every couple of days. He’s interesting and I really like his sense of humour, he does flirt with me still so I think he’s still interested. We’ve chatted about what we’re looking for and he said ideally to meet a partner so I think we’re on the same page there – he’s early forties and I’m in my thirties.
I didn’t think that much of it at the time but a few weeks ago he did make a comment out of the blue that we could carry on chatting, switch to text or hit pause, whatever I wanted. I couldn’t see a reason from the conversation why he’d said that, I did ask but he didn’t answer that comment in his next message. I said I liked talking to him and we exchanged numbers (but ended up continuing to message instead because they’re quite long).
Last week lockdown lifted to the point we could meet, I’d expected him to suggest something but he hasn’t. I feel fine about the other guy now (NC really helped), I haven’t specifically said that to him but I thought it would be obvious. I just wondered if you all thought I should suggest something at this point, or gently nudge him (or transition to text and see if that helps). I wonder if he’s being respectful of me saying I needed some time (a couple of months ago) or if he’s lost some interest (but he is still replying/engaging etc). I don’t really want to take the lead at this point but I also don’t want to end up with a penpal, or not meet for another few months and have wasted time if we don’t connect in person.
Newbie
So if i got this right. You chatted but quickly stopped to say you first needed some time. Thats the guy you now want to tell youre available Yes? I would say Yes, tell him youre still interested for a date. You cant really know he still is, but you will find out.
I dont remember specifics about the other guy and how serious that was. But i guess its good you moved on. Now with covid vaccins, there are more guys than the previous one. Good luckAva
No we’ve been chatting quite a lot the whole time. When I first said that I was taking some time we couldn’t meet anyway because of lockdown, then there was a period we could have met but it would have had to have been a park and it’s been awful weather. It wasn’t that he asked me for a date and I said no, just when he first started talking to me I mentioned I’d got out of something messy so I didn’t mind so much that lockdown was slowing things down on the dating front (but that I’d still like to get to know him while we waited).
Thanks, I suppose that’s pretty obvious.
Lane
Just put it out there, and see how he responds. If he blows you off then you have your answer, and can decide whether you want to keep him as a textpal or detach from him so you can start meeting men in real life, if you’re emotionally ready of course.
If you need some extra *me time* then take it, as being single can be a blast because you can do ‘what you want, when you want, anytime you want, with whomever you want’ without all these guy worries :o)
mama
I think it’s a good thing to put out some vibes that you are ready to meet. Let him know you’re in a good space to start dating (in your own words), and then let him take it from there. If he doesn’t act on it, then he wants to remain penpals.
But if he does act on it, meet sooner rather than later as the online/texting relationships can get awkward if you wait too long to meet in person. Good luck! :)
Erin
Solid advice from everyone here. Time to give a hint to homeboy
Ava
Thanks everyone.
To update I did as suggested and he said yes he’d like to go for a drink, to let him know where and when was good for me. I suggested sometime next weekend and a vague area in the middle of us both (he knows the area better than me). I haven’t heard back yet but he can take 2/3 days to reply sometimes but the messages are long so I assumed that might be why (I guess since I haven’t met him yet I feel like I can be relaxed at how much he’s communicating).
In the meantime I did go on a date with another guy who’s been asking for a while, I wasn’t sure I’d get on with him but was pleasantly surprised, though I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing long term (he’s seeing someone else he’s pretty into but they don’t want to date exclusively). I’m hoping that will help to keep a perspective on things.
Lane
That’s what you should be doing, meeting others because you may miss a great guy while hanging onto the low interest fruit. I personally would fade out on, talk is cheap, no action guy. If he doesn’t step up, you quietly step out.
Ava
Thanks Lane
He did actually write to suggest a time and place last night. I’m going to go and meet him and see what happens once we’ve met in person, I feel like it could go either way but I’d like to see.
-
AuthorPosts
